


Pestilence

by PipTheShipper



Series: Revelations [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Tony Stark, Bruce Is a Good Bro, Clint Is a Good Bro, Did I Mention Angst?, Dorks in Love, Everyone is a good bro, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Kidnapped Tony Stark, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, More angst, Multi, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Natasha is way too invested, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Obadiah was a little shit, Past Abuse, Past Brainwashing, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Past Tony Stark/Obadiah Stane - Freeform, Plot Twists, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Recovery, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Romance, Slow Build, Thor Is a Good Bro, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Torture, Violence, Whipping, Winter Soldier happened, they're all idiots, tony is an idiot, too many tags, too much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-15 20:31:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 72,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5798929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PipTheShipper/pseuds/PipTheShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you combine Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and the Avengers team, mixed with a little Bucky Barnes? A whole lot, apparently.<br/>Side Note: It's hard summarizing this much epicness. Read, or don't. Updates Saturdays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prepare for angst, misunderstandings, whump, colorful language, and a whole lot of other shit that nobody asked for. Don't say I didn't warn you.

“Sir, Captain Rogers is requesting entry,” JARVIS informed the engineer in a monotone, automatically lowering the volume of the classic rock music blasting through the amplified speakers. Tony sighed once, still staring hard at his StarkTablet as he finalized the specifics on his latest project.

“I thought I said no interruptions,” he reminded the AI, ignoring the holes burning in the back of his head. He kept his back turned to the entrance in an effort to discourage visitors. Most of the team cooperated with his tendency to seek isolation, but a certain super soldier and a redheaded master assassin seemed determined to include him.

“I’m afraid he’s insisting. He’s threatened to break through the doors if not permitted to enter,” JARVIS replied dryly. With a scowl, Tony closed the numerous holographic files displayed around him, and turned the music off completely. After marathoning AC/DC for a few days, the absence of sound left a dull ringing in his ears. He pinched the bridge of his nose, squinting against the slight pressure in his skull.

“Fine. Let him in,” Tony surrendered, spinning around in his office chair. The glass doors slid open with a low gust of air, and the Captain strode in leisurely, his bright blue eyes fixed directly on the engineer. Tony tried not to register the unwelcome flutter his heart gave at the very sight of Captain Steve Rogers. It began a few weeks ago, and he hadn’t acted on it, just tried to avoid him and stay down in the lab. But either Steve or Natasha always sought him out.

“Natasha made breakfast. We’re waiting for you,” Steve told him by way of greeting, and Tony discreetly marveled at him. His blond hair was slightly ruffled from sleep, and he wore a soft-looking gray t-shirt and sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Tony idly wondered how the Captain managed to look so good after he had obviously just woken up. He dismissed those thoughts, as they were completely ridiculous, and obviously would not be welcome.

“Busy,” Tony managed shortly, and swiveled back around to continue working, or to have something to do with his hands. All he wanted was to run his fingers through the Captain’s hair, which he imagined was very soft. He heard Steve exhale.

“Come on. How long have you been down here? Did you even go to bed?” the soldier pressed, and Tony’s lips twitched. It took all of his self-restraint not to make some crack about bed and all the things beds were good for besides sleep. Before, he used to always throw sexual innuendos at the Captain, mainly because it was too easy making him blush. But when he realized that he might be a little serious about some of his suggestions, he toned it back a bit.

“I’m working, Captain. Either say something interesting or get out.” He kept his eyes trained on a screwdriver on the table, trying not to look at Steve. It occurred to him that he wasn’t being very nice, but Steve’s constant monitoring of his sleeping and eating patterns-or lack thereof- was grating on his nerves. Maybe because he knew that the only reason Steve nagged was to ensure that he wasn’t a danger to the team. Was it really so bad that Tony just wanted someone to care about him, with no other agendas?

“When’s the last time you ate, Tony? When’s the last time you saw the sun?” The Captain fired off, pulling Tony from his bitter thoughts. Why couldn’t Steve just leave him alone? The engineer stood, turned, and forced a smile that really turned out to be more of a grimace.

“I had a delicious red starburst not two minutes ago,” Tony drawled, nodding his head at the half-empty bag of starbursts on his desk, “and you’re my sunshine, Cap.” Steve blinked, and Tony was amused to find blush rising on those perfectly sculpted cheekbones.

“Excuse me?” Steve asked stupidly, and Tony laughed, preparing to deflect attention off of what he had just said. It wasn’t that infrequent of an occurrence that Tony’s mouth worked faster than his brain, and the repercussions tended to be less than desirable. Like the time with Pepper where he unthinkingly revealed his aversion to water, resulting in a steady stream of questions that ceased only when he told her about what had happened in Afghanistan.

She had wisely dropped the subject, but he still hated the pity in her eyes when she looked at him after that. He supposed that this wasn’t as bad as that particular instance, but the endearment could perhaps tip Steve off that Tony’s interest in him was more than friendly, and that could never happen.  


Fortunately, when his brain caught up, he was generally able to redirect attention off of what he’d said with a witty remark, inappropriate joke, or, more often than not, an insult. The latter seemed most apt for serving his purpose in this particular situation.

“Yes, you’re a burning pain in the ass and hard to look at,” he replied, less than a second having passed for all those thoughts to have raced through his brilliant mind. Both a blessing and a curse. He felt Steve inspect him closely, and lowered his eyes so the good captain wouldn’t see through him, as Tony felt he so often did.

To be honest, Steve sort of was the light in his dark world, but Tony couldn’t ever let him know that. Even if Steve did care about him, and that was a huge if…Tony obviously wasn’t good enough for him. He would not be the one responsible for hurting Captain America, and inevitably, he would. It would only be a matter of time. 

Tony Stark had a track record of pulling away when someone got too close, and it was about time to begin the process with Steve. The Captain seemed a little too comfortable around him, which wasn’t okay. The only way to protect himself and others was to keep everyone at arm’s length. The only one he didn’t really push away was Bruce, but that was because he enjoyed having a science buddy, and the curly-haired man was so unintentionally hilarious that he lightened Tony’s mood. Besides, one does not simply push away the Hulk.

“Come on, Tony,” Steve sighed, sounding exasperated. “You can’t keep doing this. You need to rest.” Tony just rolled his eyes. He may be teetering on the edge of insanity, but that was what he could manage. Especially after- no. He quickly halted that train of thought before it could incapacitate him.  


“I’m fine,” he lied smoothly, knowing full well that he wasn’t. But what did the Cap expect him to do? Lie down and weep that he was all kinds of fucked up? Admit that he couldn’t let anyone get close because he was afraid of what they might see? Let the team in so they could pick and poke and prod until they saw every sinful inch of his twisted mind and then disappear, leaving him to pick up the pieces? Right.

“Yeah, you look it. When was the last time you slept?” Tony pursed his lips, peering at the ceiling as he considered the question. In the pause, the AI decided that he needed assistance.

“It has been sixty-four hours, twelve minutes, and seventeen seconds since the sir last slept, which lasted for the duration of roughly four hours,” JARVIS supplied helpfully, which was so not helpful. Tony shrugged, plastering on his most plastic smile.

“The power of coffee,” he supplied, hating the way the Cap was looking at him. Sympathy was for the weak. Stark men were made of iron. Howard had beat that lesson into him at a very young age.

“You’re not being responsible. How are you supposed to protect other people if you can’t even take care of yourself?” Steve asked gently, something close to concern shining in those gorgeous blue eyes. Tony scoffed loudly, abruptly fed up with the conversation.

“I can take care of myself,” he snapped, glaring at his own personal Adonis defensively. The Captain’s eyes hardened in response, and he folded his arms across his muscular chest.

“Well, prove it. Or I’m pulling you off the team.” The words hung there in the air for a moment, and Tony’s eyes widened in shock, and a little bit of hurt. Seriously? He had given up everything in order to be Iron Man, including his peace, his sanity. And now Captain freaking America was threatening to kick him off the team just because he was skipping a few meals?

“Sir, Miss Potts is calling you. Shall I put her through?” JARVIS interjected, and Tony blinked, swallowing around the lump in his throat. Despite the god-awful way his chest was constricting, making the simple action of breathing in and out difficult, he was grateful for the distraction.

“Sure.”

“We’ll continue this later,” Steve promised, or was it a threat? Tony rolled his eyes as the super soldier made his way to the door, his gaze lingering on the Captain’s super fine ass. He tore his eyes away with some difficulty and fixed his gaze on the ceiling.

“Hey, Pep. What’s going on?” Tony asked upon answering.

“Hello, Anthony,” a male voice greeted icily through the speakers, and Tony froze. Either Pepper was seriously sick, or that wasn’t Pepper. Tony glanced up, finding that Steve had paused at the door. He was staring back at the engineer with a pensive expression, as though he wasn’t sure if there was cause for concern. There was.  


“Who is this?” Tony demanded, feeling the familiar buildup of panic in his chest. There were only two reasons someone would be calling from her phone. First scenario was that Pepper had hurt herself and had someone call Tony for her, but he quickly ruled that out, because if that were the case then the greeting shouldn’t sound so cold. The other, more likely scenario was that someone had taken Pepper to hurt him. Thinking about Pepper being punished for his wrongdoings sent him spiraling into black panic. He pushed it all down forcefully. Not here. Not now.

“I would have thought you’d remember me. After all, we do go pretty far back, Stark,” the voice replied, his tone familiar, yet wrong. It was brimming with absolute hatred. And suddenly, Tony recognized its owner. His head spun. How the hell was he contacting him? Wasn’t he supposed to be locked up for trying to kill him?  


“Justin Hammer?” he breathed in surprise, and his old enemy chuckled.

“Yes. I’m glad you haven’t managed to completely forget me just yet. That’s against the rules, remember?” Tony flinched. “But here’s what’s going to happen, Anthony. You are going to meet me at a location of my choice. No suit, and you come alone. Or your girlfriend dies.” Tony inhaled sharply, and met Steve’s alarmed gaze. Not Pepper, he thought desperately. He wasn’t in love with her, but he still loved her, and he figured he always would. She was beautiful, and amazing, and witty, and she could take most of his crap. But most of all, she was smart. Smart enough that it wouldn’t be easy to pull the wool over her eyes. Tony knew- he had tried.

“How do I know you really have her?” he challenged, and Justin chuckled, though it wasn’t a pleasant sound.

“Color me impressed, Anthony,” Justin drawled sarcastically. “But hear for yourself.” There were a few rustling noises, and suddenly-

“Tony!” Pepper cried, her soft voice full of fear. Tony’s heart wrenched, his face crumpling in pain.

“Pepper!” he choked. “Pepper, I’m so sorry, I promise I’ll-” but he was cut off in his flurry of words.

“Meet me at the old house at the edge of the city. You know the one. You have one hour,” Justin growled, and then the line disconnected.

Tony stared at the ground in shock. How could he be so stupid? He should have killed Hammer when he had the chance. Or better yet, he should have killed himself. Nobody tries to hurt the people you love if you’re dead.

He swallowed with some difficulty before connecting the bracelets to his wrist. Justin didn’t know about them, as they were more of a recent invention that saved his life when Loki threw him out a window back in the battle of New York. They would come in handy.

“You can’t actually be thinking of going,” Steve cried out in disbelief, startling Tony. He had stalked forward until he was right in front of the engineer. Tony avoided his accusing eyes and shrugged.

“I don’t have a choice. You heard him. He’s going to kill Pepper if I don’t,” he muttered, reaching out to grab his car keys. But before he could, a hand locked around his wrist. Tony’s heart seized up in full-blown panic. Touching was off limits. He had never said it out loud, but he thought everyone knew. Touching had always been an issue for him ever since he was a kid, but after the cave in Afghanistan, it was nearly unbearable. He could tolerate the occasional clap on the back from Thor as long as he was expecting it, but this...

As much as he hated to admit it, he didn’t trust Steve not to hurt him just yet. Wasn’t personal; he didn’t trust anyone, except maybe Pepper and Rhodey. But the truth was, everyone hurt him sooner or later, and he figured it was just a matter of time before someone got fed up with his crap. Undoubtedly, it would be his fault, but he still wanted to avoid the inevitable ass-kicking for as long as possible.

“Let go,” he ground out, his pulse racing. And even though he knew it had always pissed Howard off more when he begged, he couldn’t help the whimpered, “please” that escaped his lips. Steve immediately noticed the look in his eyes, and somewhat guiltily released him. But he didn’t move out of Tony’s path, and his face was hard, unyielding.

“I can’t let you do this.” Tony stepped closer until they were almost nose to nose, his blood boiling. Rage had flared up inside his chest. Nobody let him do anything. Not since Obadiah.

“It’s not up to you,” he hissed, glaring directly into Steve’s impossibly blue eyes. He knew that it was just the rage and sleep-deprivation, but he wanted to hit something, anything. He wanted Steve to hit him, so he had an excuse to hit back. He wouldn’t win, obviously, but sometimes it didn’t matter to him whether he was beating or being beaten.

“Please, calm down,” Steve cautioned, holding up his hands.

“ _Calm down_?” Tony echoed disbelievingly, and he raked his hands through his hair, jerking away from Steve and taking several deep breaths. “It’s Pepper, dammit! Steve, I can’t just be calm, and you wouldn’t be either if the situation was reversed. What if it was Peggy?” he challenged, and the Captain’s lips parted slightly, a faraway look entering his eyes. For a second, Tony thought he had him. But then Steve shook his head, as if to clear it, and the steely look was back in his eyes.

“He’s going to kill you, Tony. Look, we’ll figure something else out,” Steve insisted pleadingly, and Tony flinched, looking off to the side. He wasn’t sure if it was intentional, but when the Captain used his puppy dog face, it was incredibly hard to say no. His heart stirred curiously at the concern in his voice, and then the Cap continued. “We can get the team involved to help, just please don’t do this. You can’t go running off on a suicide mission!”

And there it was. He didn’t want to disappoint Steve, but it was Pepper, his first love. He couldn’t let his weakness for the Cap prevent him from saving her. So Tony did that thing he sometimes had to, the thing he had learned while growing up in Howard’s care and then being under Obadiah’s control. He just completely cleansed himself of emotion. When he finally turned back to the Cap, his face was blank, his eyes were empty, and his voice was cold.

“Cap, I’m going. You can’t stop me. So you can get the hell out of my way and quit wasting my time or you can stand there and make me late,” Tony warned in a low voice. Indecision warred on the Captain’s face, and Tony stared at him as he awaited his decision. But Tony already knew; Steve was too noble, too good to stand by.

  
 “We can figure something else out,” Steve repeated stubbornly. Tony sighed in defeat, and let his shoulders fall. He really didn’t want to have to do this, but Steve left him no choice.

“Like what, Cap?” he mumbled, letting his voice break. “What can I do here?” He stumbled forward, and the Cap automatically caught and steadied him. And then he was wrapped up in a super soldier hug. Steve rubbed his back comfortingly, and self-hatred slipped through his defenses, curling in Tony’s stomach, making his blood sing. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered into Steve’s neck.

“For what?” Steve asked, but Tony didn’t answer. He pulled away, and the Captain’s eyes were wide with shock and betrayal. Tony pulled the now empty syringe out of Steve’s neck, and watched as he crumpled to the floor. Tony lost the tenuous grasp he had, and was flooded with horror. Oh, god, that was Steve he had just sedated.

  
“Sorry,” he whispered guiltily, gazing down at the blond super soldier with a terrible feeling in his gut. This was probably the last time he would ever see Steve, and that hurt more than anything else. As much as he tried to deny it, he cared for the idiot a little, and he didn’t let himself do that very often. And this was exactly the reason why; the pain when someone inevitably left.

Quickly, he tore a page out of a notebook and scribbled a message on it, placing it gently on Steve’s chest. The words didn’t come exactly right, but they were the only ones he had.

Captain,

  
Sorry I drugged you, but I knew you wouldn’t let me go. I have to do this. It’s Pepper. Please tell the others that it’s my fault, and mine alone. JARVIS will give them a message if I don’t make it back. Please forgive me.

  
~Tony

He retrieved his keys and stepped carefully around Steve’s unconscious form, trying hard not to look at him. He slipped out the back door and made his way through the garage, scanning the rows of cars for the fastest. He got into Stark 9, double checking to make sure the bracelets were on and the suitcase was ready.

“Sir, you do realize that you might not come back home,” JARVIS said softly, and Tony pursed his lips. For whatever reason, a conversation he had with Steve shortly after the Battle of New York popped into his head…

_“No, DUM-E, you put the Neosporin on before the bandage!” Tony exclaimed in exasperation, running his uninjured hand through his hair. DUM-E had stuck a Band-Aid over his split open hand and was now smearing a generous amount of Neosporin over the top. Having a mentally retarded robot dress a wound probably wasn’t the best idea, but Pepper wasn’t in New York and he sure as hell wasn’t going to the hospital for a tiny gash on his hand. He pursed his lips. Okay, maybe it was little deep…and bloody._

_“Perhaps verbally assaulting him isn’t the best way to encourage cooperation,” someone chuckled from behind him. Tony turned slightly to see the Captain leaning against the entrance, doing an extremely poor job of concealing his smirk. How the hell did he get in here? This seemed to show on Tony’s face, because Steve pointed to the ceiling. “Sorry, your, um, guy let me in,” he explained. Tony sighed._

_“JARVIS,” he supplied warily, “who is apparently terrible at his job.” Tony shot a glare at the ceiling, though he could almost feel the AI’s amusement. “Also, this guy’s name is DUM-E.” He kicked his robot lightly, and DUM-E whirred, sounding happy. “So, I wasn’t insulting him.” Steve just smiled, which was kind of weird. Nice…but weird. What happened to ‘put on the suit’?_

_“You need some help with that?” Steve offered, gesturing at Tony’s hand. Tony frowned. Was this some kind of joke? He thought Steve hated him, wanted to kill him and stuff. He thought the only reason Steve put up with him was because of the whole world being in jeopardy and all that. He thought Steve couldn’t wait to get away from him, just like the rest. Why was he here?_

_“What are you doing here?” Tony demanded, letting some accusation leak into his voice. Steve blinked, taken aback a little bit. Then his shoulders fell slightly, and took a deep breath._

_“Alright, I deserve that,” he muttered. He took a step forward and raised his hands. “Look, I just wanted to apologize.” Well. Tony wasn’t expecting that._  
_“For what?” Tony scoffed, because technically Steve hadn’t done anything wrong. Just voiced his very hurtful opinions, which Tony could not blame him for. After all, he was a huge advocate of freedom of speech. “Knowing guys worth ten of me?” Steve shrugged, not taking the bait._

_“That and all the other things I said. I was clearly wrong. What you did back there… that was brave.” Tony flushed slightly at the unexpected praise, and he turned away to hide his expression._

_“Don’t worry about it,” Tony muttered to his screwdriver. “I just did what I had to, Cap.”_

_“You saved a lot of people, Tony. What you did was…risky,” Steve said softly. Suddenly, the endless black of the portal flashed behind his eyelids. He slammed his hand on the table to dispel the haunting flashback and turned back to Steve._

_“I know, I was there,” he snapped. Steve just stared back at him calmly, and Tony realized he was kind of blowing his chance to smooth things over. He inhaled deeply, and turned back to his work. “But thanks. And I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean what I said.”_

_“No problem,” Steve replied easily. “Now… can I help you with your hand?” Tony was silent for a moment as he considered. If Steve wanted to kill him he would have done so already._

_“Sure,” he finally answered. He took a seat on the workbench and Steve walked over, gently grabbing Tony’s hand in his own. He inspected the wound with furrowed eyebrows that Tony found slightly adorable, and brushed over DUM-E’s poor handiwork gently. Tony’s breath hitched slightly in his throat, because Steve was right there, and he could smell his body wash and shampoo and his eyes were so so blue, and-_

_And that was when Tony knew just how fucked he was._

Even then Steve was kinder than Tony deserved. But Steve had also been wrong. What Tony did wasn’t brave; it was cowardly. He didn’t fly that goddamn nuke into the portal because it was the only option. They could have managed easily without what he did, though they didn’t seem to get that. Mostly, he chose to do it because he thought he would die. Back then he was too worried about Pepper and Rhodey to try anything, but the portal gave him the perfect opportunity. And the world would see him as a hero. So it wasn’t brave at all. And neither was what he was about to do.

“I know. I’m counting on it, buddy.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter summaries are bullshit. I will not spoil anything. You can't make me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, um... this might get awkward pretty fast. I'm a bit weird, so I kind of changed the relationship dynamics between Justin and Tony. Why? Because I can. Also, cause Hammer seemed to hate Tony a lot in Iron Man 2, so my brain said: hey, what if there was a deeper reason for that? Sometimes I think in superhero movies we aren't getting the whole story, you know? So, pardon my awkwardness over here. Many angsts ahead. Ye hath been warned.

The location Justin had selected was an isolated, run down house just outside the city with no other surroundings apart from an abandoned factory and some trees. Tony recognized it, though it had changed somewhat since he was last there. He remembered so vividly…the boy with the blond hair in tears on the bed, and the sound of Tony’s retreating footsteps as he walked away without a backwards glance. Nobody knew, but when he was young, he and Hammer had a bit of a…thing.

Not really a thing thing, but a thing nonetheless. Back in high school, they used to sneak out in the middle of the night and meet up at the house. They would hook up, laugh, talk, and joke around. Eventually, Tony opened up and told Justin a little bit about Howard. Not enough for Justin to report anything, but enough that he knew Tony’s life at home was not a walk in the park. In return, Justin told him a bit about his own father, how he expected too much and was never happy. They would comfort each other, and everything was fine.

Until one night after Justin had fucked Tony into the mattress, when they were just lying in bed together. Tony was idly tracing circles into Justin’s muscular chest, basking in the hazy afterglow, in a state of complete bliss. Justin had abruptly confessed that he wanted something more. He had told the engineer that he was in love with him, out of fucking nowhere.

Tony had freaked out, not knowing how to handle it. Nobody had ever said anything like that to him before. And this was a couple years after Obadiah first took an interest in him, so he felt all wrong most of the time. He remembered taking a shower several times a day in an attempt to get clean, but he always felt dirty. He figured that he would taint everything he touched, and that included Justin Hammer.

He had basically told Justin to take his feelings and shove ‘em, because in the beginning they both had agreed that it would only be sex. He had left the older boy in tears, and never looked back. Until that day in court, and instead of apologizing and making peace, he had humiliated him and got him fired, reopening old wounds.

Now he was paying the price. On the drive over, his mind had tormented him with scenario after scenario. Pepper crying out for him to save her, but he would be too late. The bullet would enter her brain swiftly and she wouldn’t suffer, or maybe Hammer would drag it out and he wouldn’t be able to do anything but watch in horror. He would have failed her in every way possible. As a boyfriend, as a friend, as a protector. And before she died, she would look at him with hatred, because he couldn’t keep her safe.

Tony scrambled out of the car to escape the horrifying thoughts, slamming the door shut behind him. His heart pounded hard from the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he raced up to the front door, throwing it open. It looked precisely the same as the last time he had seen it, just a little dirtier and a lot more intimidating, knowing that his first love was trapped somewhere in its depths.

“Pepper!” he shouted desperately, his eyes snapping around the empty house. His head cleared slightly as he became aware of the danger of the situation. This could easily be a trap. Hell, he knew it was. Justin wouldn’t lure him here to have a tea party.

His footsteps echoed too loudly as he cautiously walked further inside, scanning the halls and bedrooms for any sign of Pepper. It was dark, and a cracked window allowed light to stream in, illuminating the dust particles floating idly about in the air.

“Tony!” Her voice cried out his name in fear, and his heart felt like it was being run over. He realized that the noise came from the back room, the one where he and Justin had set up the mattress so long ago. He sprinted towards the sound of her voice, dismissing the echo of self-preservation in his head that warned him that something was amiss.

“Tony!” her voice cried again, and he stumbled into the back room, pulling up short. The room was bare, yet he was sure that Pepper was here. He glanced around in bewilderment, and rising panic. How did he even know this was the house Justin had in mind? If it wasn’t, then he was screwed, and so was Pepper. Suddenly, he heard a chuckle emanating from the darkened corner of the room.

Justin stepped out from the shadows, his face smug. He wore an expensive looking suit, and his blond hair was slicked back. He looked so different from the boy Tony used to know, with a pistol loosely grasped in his hand.

“Justin,” Tony breathed, staring at the younger man in tense silence. The blond smirked, and raised the pistol so that it was level to Tony’s chest. Tony immediately raised his hands, swallowing against the fear that threatened to incapacitate him.

“Anthony,” Justin drawled, and Tony shifted nervously at the crazy glint in his eyes. “I knew you’d come. How’s life been treating you?”

“Well enough,” Tony returned tersely. “Where’s Pepper?” Justin blinked, then burst out laughing, causing the gun to shake unsteadily. Tony sucked in a sharp breath, praying that Justin didn’t shoot him on accident. Or on purpose. That would suck, too.

“Y’know, for a genius,” Justin finally giggled, “you’re pretty dumb.” Tony frowned as it sank in.

“She was never here, was she?” he realized, lowering his hands. A strange mix of relief and anger washed through him. He was relieved, because he didn’t have to worry anymore. Nothing he did or said could be held against the beautiful redhead, but he was pissed because he had drugged Steve for nothing. And the whole part where he might die, well, there was that. He wasn’t sure exactly, but it felt like something was seriously off in Justin’s demeanor.

Said blond was still holding back bouts of laughter, which oddly reminded Tony of the Joker. Keeping the gun pointed at Tony, he reached into his jacket with the other hand and pulled out a tape recorder, holding it above his head teasingly. Tony watched in desolation as Pepper once again shouted his name from the speakers.

“Nope,” Justin replied smugly. “I distorted the audio from an interview- easily, like child’s play. And it was really too simple, swiping her phone. You know, you should probably look into some better security, love.” Tony narrowed his eyes in irritation. Pretty rude, stealing her phone like that. And he wasn’t especially fond of the endearment.

“All right,” he spat. “You have me here. Now what?” Justin frowned, as if he hadn’t thought that far.

“Don’t know. I’m supposed to be recruiting you,” Justin muttered, almost to himself. Tony perked up in intrigue, and a little bit of alarm. Recruiting him for what? The basketball team? He hoped that the crazy blond would clarify, but Justin was now mumbling to himself, too quietly for Tony to make out what he was saying.

“Recruiting me?” he prompted over the incoherent babbling. But Justin ignored him. After a moment, he straightened up, the dangerous light back in his eyes.

“However, I think this is much more fun,” he concluded, smiling at Tony. It occurred to him that if he was going to make it out of here alive, he would have to talk his way out. Which kinda sucked, considering that people were never his strongpoint.

“Okay, Justin, listen to me,” Tony began carefully, trying to recall what he had learned in the classes Pepper forced him to take. Something about deescalating, but he hadn’t been paying a lot of attention. “I was a dick to you. Both when we were in high school and in adulthood. And for that I’m sorry. I don’t-” Tony laughed sharply, raking a hand through his hair, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I act that way sometimes.”

“I loved you,” Justin muttered, his wild eyes unfocused. “I loved you, and you broke my heart.”

“I know,” Tony got out around the lump in his throat. “I know. But you have to understand that I was going through some things at the time. I didn’t know how to deal with- with what you said. I was confused, and scared. Nobody had ever said anything like that to me before.”

“I loved you,” Justin repeated, seeming to be switching back and forth between insanity and lucidity. “I… think I still do.”

“Think?” Tony echoed cautiously. Justin was mumbling to himself again.

“-not supposed to feel, they don’t like it if you feel-”

“Justin!” Tony called, trying to bring the older man back to the present. He wasn’t scared now; he was concerned. Something had obviously happened to him, something bad. “Justin!” The older man’s head snapped up, his light eyes clear again.

“What?” Justin snapped. _What?!_ Tony thought irritably. _You brought me here!_ He took a deep breath to calm himself and clear his head. He didn’t know much about reasoning with mentally unstable people, but he did know that the odds of it actually working were slim.

“Look,” Tony sighed warily, unsure of what else to do. “If you still love me, then you won’t shoot me.” Justin glanced down at the gun in his hands, then laughed loudly and with a terrifying amount of glee.

“I’m not going to shoot you!” he exclaimed, as if it should have been obvious. Tony raised an eyebrow, wondering what the hell was going on.

“Then what’s the gun for?” Tony pointed out, nodding his head at the weapon. Justin smiled, with a tinge of grief in his light colored eyes. This whole thing was strange. Justin was sitting here claiming that he was in love with the engineer, with a gun pointed at his chest. He mentioned something about recruiting, but appeared to take no interest in explaining what he meant. Tony had a sick feeling in his stomach.

“The gun?” he chuckled tiredly, lowering the sleek silver pistol. “The gun was to keep you here for the eight minutes.” Tony’s eyes widened, and he stared at Justin accusingly. What had timers? The blond looked oddly peaceful, serene. “Trust me, love. This is much better than what _they_ had planned for you.” He suddenly became aware of a steady beeping that grew faster by the second. In the half a second it took to realize what was happening, he barely had time to shout, “deploy!” before the entire world lit up.

He was vaguely aware of his suit flying in to meet him as fire and concrete rained down upon him, and after that just blinding sensations of burning and agony and glaringly bright yellow, red, orange and heat surrounding, engulfing, a blow to the head and then darkness, rising up like a wave to meet him, wash over his head, pull him under. Then nothing.

+

Steve slowly swam into consciousness, his head pounding and stabbing before he even opened his eyes. He registered the hard floor beneath his back, and the dull throbbing in his neck, and wondered where the hell he was. Suddenly, in a rush of flashes and vague bits of dialogue, he remembered. The argument with the defensive, adorable engineer, the phone call, more arguing, and then- 

Tony had drugged him! Steve shot upright, causing a piece of paper to flutter to the ground and rest there for a moment. He stared at it with a bad feeling of premonition, then picked it up, recognizing Tony’s messy scrawl.

              Captain,

              Sorry I drugged you, but I knew you wouldn’t let me go. I have to do this. It’s Pepper. Please tell the others that it’s my fault, and mine alone. JARVIS will give them a message if I don’t make it back. Please forgive me.

                                                                                                         ~Tony

“Fuck!” he roared, and lurched to his feet. That idiot! That stubborn, thick-headed idiot! He bolted out of the lab, almost running headfirst into Natasha, who was holding a plate of pancakes drenched in syrup, just the way Tony liked it. She jerked out of the way to avoid a collision, her cat-like green eyes narrowing in mild annoyance.

“Watch it,” she growled, balancing the plate on her hand. Then she looked at him, and her face abruptly went flat. “What’s wrong?” she demanded in a low voice.

 “Tony’s gone!” Steve cried angrily. “Some fucker named Hammer called and told Tony to meet him at an old house at the edge of the city. He has Pepper, and Tony went without his suit!” Natasha nodded seriously, and without hesitation threw the plate to the side. It shattered against the hard ground, the syrup spilling out onto the ground, but she paid it no attention.

“Alright, we’re going after him,” she decided, and her gaze snapped up to the ceiling. “JARVIS! Which car did he take?”

“Stark 9, Miss Romanoff,” the AI responded promptly, and Natasha smiled grimly.  

“Wait, why does that matter?” Steve asked, confused. Natasha didn’t look at him, just pressed a few buttons on her watch. Steve was mildly surprised that JARVIS answered her, considering that Tony usually forbade him from sharing anything. He hoped that meant that a part of Tony wanted them to find him.

“I put a tracker on his car,” Natasha informed him, still staring at the device on her wrist that Steve quickly realized was more than just a watch. “Well, most of them, actually. It matters because I can track him. Suit up, Cap, and meet me and the rest of the team at the Quinjet,” she ordered, and took off down the hall. Steve stared after her for a moment in awe. They were so lucky to have her on the team, despite his initial reservations.

He raced up the stairs, and made his way swiftly up to the room that Tony had designed for him. Spacious but not too large, and 40s themed, obviously created with Steve’s preferences in mind. The bed was stiff, not too fluffy or soft. There was an old radio propped up on the bedside table, and the bedspread was simple and blue. This had been Steve’s first taste of just how generous and thoughtful Tony could be. God, he hoped he wasn’t too late.

Steve put on the suit in record timing and made it to the Quinjet not a minute later. The rest of the team was somehow already there, suited up with weapons drawn. Their faces, usually so light and carefree, were shadowed and grim. Natasha was situated in the pilot’s seat, and the engine was already running. Steve jumped on and the entrance closed with a rush of wind.

“Go!” he shouted, and the Quinjet took off into the air with a smooth rumble, flying high above the city. He took a seat in the back next to Clint, his stomach twisting at the thought that it might already be too late. His shield was resting on his back, and his fingers twitched with the need to use it, to fight the bad guys, to protect Tony.

“What’s going on, Cap?” Clint asked, his pale blue eyes alight with curiosity. “Nat didn’t tell us much, but there better be a damn good reason I’m not eating those pancakes right now.” Steve felt the rest of the team glance over at him, waiting for his response. He was their leader; they needed to be briefed. That he could do.

“Tony and I were down in the lab when some guy named Hammer called,” Steve began in a matter-of-fact tone. “He said he had Miss Potts and that Tony had to go meet him or she would die. He went alone and without his suit. Natasha is tracking him through his car.”

“You put a tracker on his car?” Clint called out to Natasha, sounding impressed.

“Yup,” the redhead called back, sounding pleased with herself. Clint smiled appreciatively.

“Way to go, Nat,” he exclaimed, and Natasha shot him a fond, if slightly exasperated look in the rearview mirror. Steve guessed that Clint had deemed the threat to Tony’s safety a valid reason for the lack of pancake eating.

“So friend Anthony just left?” Thor rumbled in his deep tenor, his hazel eyes slightly perplexed. He was gripping the hammer loosely at his side, his red cape swishing the back of his ankles. Thor always preferred to stand, and now was no exception. He dwarfed the slightly crowded seating area.

“Yeah,” Steve answered, clearing his throat. “Yeah, he just left.”

“Why didn’t you stop him?” Bruce suddenly asked in a low voice, his eyes dark. Steve frowned, and rubbed the injection site on his neck. He had tried to stop Tony, which had been his first mistake. Nobody could stop Tony from doing anything.

“He drugged me,” Steve admitted sheepishly. “Manipulated me, I guess. He, um, pretended to be sad, and when I hugged him he stuck a syringe in my neck.” Clint’s eyebrows shot up, and he nodded, looking impressed.

“Well played, Stark,” he muttered. “Dickish, but well played.”

“And he didn’t attempt to enlist our help?” Thor asked, looking genuinely upset. Steve sighed, and ground his teeth together.

“No,” he snapped, abruptly furious with the engineer. Tony wasn’t the only one who would be affected if something happened; Steve-and the rest of the team- cared about him. He was just too stubborn and self-destructive to accept that! “He decided to go and do everything on his own, like always!”

Clint blinked, looking taken aback. Steve took a deep breath, and stood up. He needed to calm down, and not snap at his teammates for things that weren’t their fault. He made his way to the front of the Quinjet and sat down beside Natasha in the passenger seat. They sat in silence for a moment, a silence that was somehow both comfortable and tense. It felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“You alright?” she questioned in a low voice, staring straight ahead with calm eyes.

“No,” he muttered. “I don’t understand why he didn’t let me help him.” Natasha glanced over at him, her expression unreadable, then turned her gaze back to the sky.

“Maybe he was scared Pepper would get hurt,” she suggested neutrally. “Hammer did say to come alone, didn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Steve admitted. “But that doesn’t mean that we couldn’t figure something out. He’s going to get himself-”

“What the hell?” Natasha suddenly muttered, glancing down at her watch in surprise.

“What is it?” Steve demanded, leaning forward in his seat. Natasha’s face whitened, and she swallowed.

“My tracker just went off the grid,” she explained curtly, glancing back and forth between the sky and her not-watch.

“What does that mean?” Steve asked with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. She clenched her jaw and stared straight ahead, her green eyes shining in some emotion Steve couldn’t identify. He had never seen that look on her face before.

“It means he either figured out that we were tracking him and destroyed it, or something happened to his car,” she told him, sounding strained. “Luckily, I have its last coordinates before it disappeared, but you need to prepare yourself, Steve.”

“Prepare myself for what?” he asked. She inhaled deeply.

“That we might be looking for a body.” The thought punched Steve in the gut, and he closed his eyes against the sudden wave of emotions that he wasn’t yet prepared to handle. Overwhelming guilt, grief, regret, anger, and desperation. Tony couldn’t be dead. It wasn’t possible, at least not in Steve’s head. It seemed ridiculous; Tony was always there, and it felt like he always would be. He was a constant, an always moving beacon of light and warmth and humor. The thought of that light vanquishing, getting swallowed up by some prick with a vendetta, was inconceivable.

When Natasha finally announced that they were close, Steve saw it. Thick black smoke billowing to the sky in rolling clouds, the air thick and reeking of burnt…something. He swallowed against the nausea rolling through his stomach.

“Oh my god,” Steve uttered, eyes filled with horror. “Please tell me that’s not him.”

“It’s him,” Natasha whispered, her composure slipping. “JARVIS?”

“There was an explosion, Miss Romanoff,” the AI said, his voice grave and somehow soft. “The Sir had on his bracelets, so the suit attached to him in time. However, he is buried under the rubble and unconscious. I would strongly recommend that you dig him out soon and seek immediate medical attention.”

She lowered the Quinjet to the ground next to the house, if you could even call the pile of rubble and still glowing embers a house. The redheaded assassin killed the engine and stood, her face grim. Together, they walked to the back of the Quinjet and Steve found that he didn’t need to assemble the team-they were already assembled. Determined faces stared back at Steve, paired with hardened eyes and steely expressions.

The doors opened, and they rushed out with weapons drawn and raised. Steve pulled up short at the horrifying sight that awaited them. Tony’s car, the once beautiful Stark 9, was a scorched hunk of metal lying on its side, crumpled and caved in. If metal looked like that, Steve didn’t want to imagine how that type of explosion could affect a fragile human body. Tony was so, so _fragile_ -

His weakness, Steve realized. Tony was Steve’s weakness. Maybe it was because he had failed the last brunette he cared for, or simply because Tony was irresistible, but Steve had an overwhelming desire to protect the engineer. And he wasn’t alone; the team stood around him, and he could almost feel the despair. They all knew that even if Tony was somehow still alive, there was no way he was making it out of there unscathed. But that didn’t mean they wouldn’t try.

Clint’s bow was drawn, an arrow already notched in the string. Natasha had a sleek silver pistol at her side, and she gripped it tightly with both hands, her face that of determination. Thor’s hammer was raised slightly, and Bruce looked ready to Hulk out at any moment, his eyes glowing a soft green.

Steve attached his shield to his back to free up his hands, and glanced at Natasha, who knew him well enough to read the expression in his eyes. His control was slipping, and he couldn’t be the one to take the lead on this.

“Come on,” she said firmly, and they made their way, both swift and cautious, to what looked like the entrance to the house. The entire thing was buried under a pile of concrete, and he began breathing heavily picturing Tony underneath all of it. Natasha gently placed a hand on his shoulder, and he met her calm green eyes desperately. _Calm down_ , she communicated with him silently _. Panicking isn’t going to help anything._

“Thor, can you give me a hand sorting through all of this?” Steve requested in a somewhat steady voice. Thor nodded, unsmiling for once, and they got to work, shifting carefully through the rubble, occasionally calling out to see if Tony would respond.

+

“Stark!”

Fuzzily, Tony heard the team shouting his name, but he felt trapped underwater, and the sound was thick and distorted. He struggled to form a clear thought, remember anything about anything, but it was like trying to put together a 1000-piece puzzle of a clear blue sky.

“Tony!”

Steve, he realized. That was Steve’s voice. The thought of the beautiful blond super soldier brought him back to himself, and with a pained gasp, he opened his eyes. He was inside his suit, but it was dark, and he couldn’t move. Through the metal, he could feel the pressure of concrete weighing down onto his stomach.

Too many parts of him hurt that it didn’t seem worth taking inventory of them all, but his arm occupied all thoughts as he shifted slightly. An agonizing, searing pain ripped through the mangled flesh, and he bit back a tortured scream. He panted and tried to control his racing heart, and after a moment, the pain subsided infinitesimally, but still stung enough so that a steady stream of tears slid down his face.

“Steve?” he croaked, his voice rough with strain. No answer. Nobody could hear him through the debris.

“JARVIS?” he tried hopefully, eyes darting around, but only finding darkness.

“Sir, are you all right?” the AI replied, blue lights flickering to life inside his helmet. He choked out a sigh of relief.

“Hey, buddy. I’m kind of in a tough situation here. Are they looking for me?” he asked, breathing in and out slowly. Blood was seeping out from his mangled arm, and the slower his heart rate, the slower the blood loss.

“Your team is nearby. I’ve notified them of your location and condition, and they are trying to dig you out now,” JARVIS informed him, and just then, light flooded into the darkness. He squinted for a moment as his eyes adjusted, and then a tanned face swam into view, scraggly blond hair dangling down.

“Friend Anthony! Are you hurt?” Thor boomed, staring down at him with a mixture of joy and concern. Bruce was looking a little green, though he wasn’t sure if he was just queasy or angry. Natasha and Clint and-oh god- Steve stood around him, also sporting various expressions between nauseated and furious. Tony slid off the mask, and managed a weak smile.

“Yep,” he answered, popping the p. “I’m bleeding from, like, everywhere. And my arm has had a pretty bad day. And I think my chest has been crushed a little bit, so maybe a broken rib or two.” He glanced at Steve in an overwhelming flood of emotion. Steve met his gaze with something akin to relief, and a twinge of guilt shot through the engineer. He hadn’t planned on ever seeing Steve again. Kind of awkward, what with Tony having left him a sort of goodbye note and everything.

“Where’s Hammer?” Natasha demanded sharply, her gaze darting around. Tony remembered that Natasha and Justin had met, back when he was dying the first time. She had low-key kicked his ass, and the thought brought a smile to his face. Steve was looking at him strangely, so he attempted to sober up and answer the question.

“I don’t know,” Tony replied honestly. He hadn’t actually had time to look for him after the explosions. “But he never had Pepper. He tricked me.” The outrage in his voice was pitiful, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “He’s probably dead.” He objectively realized how empty and cold he sounded saying that, and again, he didn’t care.

“Yeah,” Clint affirmed, glancing down at him with a dark look in his eyes. “I saw a little bit of the body when we were looking for you. There’s no way he could have survived that.” A small, cruel part of Tony was satisfied.

“We gotta get you out of here,” Steve muttered, a crease forming between his eyebrows, like always when he was worried. It was pretty adorable. Tony quickly banished the thought, because nothing had changed, and nothing could change, even with the current situation. He had to remember that.

“No shit, Sherlock,” he grumbled, masking his joy at being able to at least see him one last time; he wasn’t an idiot. He knew that his injuries were extensive, and that the probability of even making it to the hospital was small. Bruce dropped down beside Tony, brushing over him with feather light hands, examining his arm gently.

“Damn, Tony. This looks pretty bad. You may have nicked an artery,” Bruce murmured, his eyes focused.

“I’m no doctor, but I do know that arms are definitely not supposed to bend that way,” Clint added, looking a little green. Tony shook with laughter, and somewhere in the back of his mind he realized that he was losing it a little.

“We need to get him to a hospital. Natasha, you set up a gurney in the back of the jet,” Bruce ordered, and Natasha nodded grimly, turning on her heel and making her way through the mess.

“I offer my assistance in moving friend Anthony,” Thor chimed in seriously, and Tony smiled at the blond god of thunder.

“Thanks, big guy,” he said, and Thor grabbed hold of the slab of concrete pressing onto his chest and threw it in the other direction with a grunt, and there was a series of crashing sounds. Tony sucked in some air, his side protesting. There was a deep gash in his side that had evidently been blocked by the slab of concrete, and now it was free to gush blood.

“Ah, shit. Look, his side,” Clint pointed out, gesturing towards the wound.

“Apply pressure to stop the bleeding,” Bruce instructed, and pulled a syringe out of his black medical bag. He flicked the tip a couple of times, making sure there wasn’t any air, and then injected a clear, cool liquid straight into the mangled flesh of his arm. Clint knelt down next to him and pressed his hands to the wound, immediately staining his skin red.

“My fucking everything hurts,” Tony bit out, and Bruce nodded sympathetically.

“I know. The pain killers should help take the edge off, but we still need to get you out of here. The moving part is going to hurt pretty badly, so I want you to be careful not to bite your tongue,” Bruce said softly. Tony exhaled shakily. He was kind of embarrassed that he had gotten himself into this for nothing. Hammer had tricked him, he thought with a surge of hate. And more than anything, he had never wanted anyone, much less Steve, to see him like this.

“Okay,” Tony sighed, his eyes stinging from the- from the dust. Thor moved the debris around him, and sucked in a sharp breath, staring at his arm. Tony glanced over at it to see what the fuss was about, and his heart dropped. The sharp rocks had sliced into his armor, and the arm was twisted, the bones jutting out. “Well, shit.”

He clenched his teeth as Steve stood on one side, and Thor on the other, both placing their hands under him.

“I’m _so_ sorry, Tony,” Steve whispered, and he met the Captain’s guilt-ridden blue eyes. Tony didn’t understand why the guilt was there; he had gotten himself into the mess. It was his fault, not anyone else’s.

“It’s fine. Just do it,” he ground out, bracing himself for the agony that was sure to follow. Then they lifted him, and despite his resolution to stay silent to lessen their misguided guilt, a piercing scream tore out of his throat. He could tell that they were doing their best to move quickly, but his arm and side were in so much pain it felt like an eternity before they reached the Quinjet.

Natasha was there, the gurney already set up. Steve and Thor lowered him onto it, and tears streamed relentlessly down his face. He had dealt with broken bones before, but nothing as severe as this. Natasha climbed swiftly into the front, and started the engine.

Steve knelt next to him on the gurney, pressing down on his side in Clint’s place. The archer jumped into the front seat to help Natasha, and then they blasted away from the house and into the air. Tony tried not to whimper in pain, but when Natasha banked he couldn’t stop himself from crying out. Steve reached out and grasped Tony’s hand tightly, his eyes tortured, and from there on out, the mechanic did his level best to stay silent.

“Well, this sucks,” Tony eventually said, mainly just to break the awful silence. Steve glanced down at the engineer with a surprised look, and Tony just grinned back at him. “Come on. You got to admit this is somewhat terrible. That fucker tried to kill me twice before this.” Once with the car in the parking lot of the high school (which had been kinda funny, actually), and then again with Vanko. “Third time’s a charm, I guess.”

“Don’t say that,” Steve snarled, his blue eyes darkening. Tony was mildly surprised at the heat in his voice. Who pissed in his cheerios? Internally, Tony smirked, because the Cap really did like cheerios.

“Why not?” Tony asked.

“Because you’re not gonna die,” Steve snapped. Tony studied the Captain carefully, and only then did he realize how much this was affecting him. He glanced down at their intertwined hands, and carefully tried to extract his own, figuring that Steve didn’t want to be touching him. Of course he was upset; he felt obligated to hold Tony’s hand.

Steve’s gaze flashed down as well, and he glared at Tony’s said appendage.

“What are you doing?” Steve demanded, and Tony froze, unsure.

“Removing my hand,” he answered carefully, feeling like he was treading on thin ice for some reason.

“Why?” Steve’s voice was sharp, and Tony felt like he was on the verge of tears, because he never _understood_ Steve. Tony liked math and science and logic and reason. He hated anything he didn’t get, and he sure as hell didn’t get Steve Rogers.

“Because you don’t want to touch me!” Tony cried, a traitorous tear spilling over and sliding down his cheek. He brushed it away, and glared at Steve defiantly. Steve, for some reason, looked like he was in pain.

“Tony-” Steve began, eyes wide, but Tony cut him off.

“No, I get it, okay?” Tony retorted. “I’m just the tag-on! I’m not a hero, not like any of you. I’ve killed thousands of people; I’m the bad guy! None of you want me here! The only reason you let me stay is because I provide the funding!” He frowned, looking off to the side. “You should have just left me buried, dammit.” Steve was horrified, staring down at Tony with an odd expression. He opened his mouth, probably ready to spout some bullshit about how, no, they didn’t think like that. But before he got a word out…

“Stark, shut up,” Clint commanded from the front seat, and Tony bit his lip to keep from screaming. If they didn’t like getting called out, well, he would just stay silent.

“Tony-” Steve began again, but stopped when Tony closed his eyes.

“Just don’t, Cap,” Tony whispered. “You can yell at me later, if there is one, okay?” Steve looked ready to argue, but then paused, and nodded.

“Okay,” he replied softly.

“I’m sorry,” Tony wheezed, and Steve frowned, still keeping pressure on Tony’s side.

“Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry for,” the soldier replied, gently brushing the hair out of his eyes. Normally, Tony would have shied away from the touch, but he was so exhausted, both physically and emotionally, that he leaned into it a little. Contact still freaked him out, but he sort of needed it right now. Besides, if Steve felt like he could handle it, why stop him?

“We’re almost there, okay, Tony?” Natasha called back to him, and he nodded.

“Super,” he replied sardonically, and stifled a chuckle. It then occurred to him, as he became aware of how much blood he was losing, that he could very well not even survive the ride to the hospital. Most likely, he wouldn’t. And he realized that he had a couple loose ends that needed tying. “Hey, Cap. I really am sorry I drugged you,” he said in a lower voice.

“Don’t worry about it,” Steve assured him, glancing to the front of the Quinjet.

“Listen,” he commanded urgently, grasping hard at the Captain’s arm, and Steve finally looked down at him. Damn it all to hell, he was doing this. Wasn’t like he would be around for the repercussions, anyway. “If I don’t make it back, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Don’t,” Steve interrupted, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “You’re gonna be fine.”

“Okay, but in case I’m not-” Steve suddenly leaned down and crushed his lips against the engineer’s, successfully silencing him. The kiss was both aggressive and gentle at the same time, and Tony’s eyes opened wide in shock. What was the Captain doing? Was this just to shut him up? Was it a pity kiss? Maybe he had noticed how hopelessly enamored Tony was, and decided to give him this, a parting gift in case he died. If that was the case, should he end it?

His lips parted slightly and a shiver ran through him when the Captain’s tongue slid along his bottom lip, the kiss deepening. Fuck it. If this was a one-time thing, he was sure as hell going to take advantage of it. His uninjured hand tangled in Steve’s hair, and it was every bit as soft as he imagined it was.

Eventually, the need to breathe separated them. Steve was panting slightly, his face flushed, lips swollen. Tony’s heart lurched. This was how the Captain should look all the time, completely wrecked and gorgeous.

“Well,” he breathed. “That’s exactly what I was going to say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too weird? Too amazing? A mix of both? Let me know down below :)  
> ~Pip


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Lots of confrontations, misunderstandings, insecurities, all that shit. If you see any mistakes, I apologize. Just tell me in the comments and I'll fix 'em. Hope you enjoy! :)

Steve wasn’t thinking when he kissed Tony Stark, but maybe that was okay. He thought that maybe he should not think more often, if the end result was like that. At the time, he had just wanted the smaller man to stop saying those things about himself, and to stop trying to say goodbye. But as soon as their lips touched, all coherent thoughts fled and all he registered was the pressure and the warmth. Tony’s lips tasted of blood and sweat, but also something so uniquely Tony that it took his breath away. After he pulled away, Steve just looked into the engineer’s beautiful brown eyes, and was awestruck at the vulnerability in them.

On the surface, Tony Stark was loud and rude and offensive, and he had disliked the dark-haired man at first. But after spending time with him, he realized that it was all a façade, and that there was so much more to him underneath. Tony tried not to show it, but he really cared about the team, and did his best to make them feel comfortable in the tower. Even though the engineer could be defensive and crude sometimes, Steve trusted him absolutely. He had ever since Tony had flown the missile into the wormhole.

The memory of the smaller man falling out of the sky at an unstoppable speed still haunted him. And then directly after he had woken up, Steve had been astonished at how he had handled almost dying.

_Stark’s eyes were closed, and he wasn’t breathing. There was a heavy silence as they stared at him, Steve’s heart sinking in his chest. Suddenly, the Hulk leaned forward and let out an incredibly loud roar. With a wild gasp, Stark’s eyes flew open, and his amber eyes darted around in alarm._

_“What the hell?” he panted, and the Hulk roared again, triumphantly, it seemed to Steve, beating his massive fists against his chest. “What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me,” Stark quipped. Their eyes had connected, for just a second, and in that moment Steve realized that maybe he wanted to._

Now he finally got his wish, though the circumstances had been less than ideal. But that didn’t matter, did it? He had gotten to kiss the adorable engineer, and that was what counted. He didn’t even care that the whole team had seen. Not that they seemed to mind, though. Clint had let out a whoop, and enthusiastically exclaimed, “Finally! You know, you two need to stop dancing around each other and just fuck already!” Tony had let out a shaky laugh, and looked away, a glow rising on his pale cheeks. Steve had went back to just holding Tony’s hand tightly, pleasantly surprised that the engineer didn’t shy away from the contact.

When they arrived at the hospital, the Doctors had wheeled Tony in on their gurney, and that was the last Steve had seen of him. And every second since then had been pure torture. He absolutely hated that he was stuck in the waiting room, not doing anything, his hands red with Tony’s blood. Steve let out a wry laugh, because if Tony died, Steve would literally have his blood on his hands. Bruce glanced at him with surprise that quickly morphed into sympathy.

“He’ll be okay,” the scientist reassured him quietly, patting the soldier on the back. Steve could only hope; he wasn’t sure if any of them could recover otherwise. Steve hadn’t realized how much they all cared for the engineer, but how could they not?

Clint was perched on the chair in the corner, just staring at the wall with an empty look in his eyes. Thor was sitting for once, beside Clint, his eyes dark and somber. Natasha kept glancing around at the Doctors with suspicion and a bit of anger, like how dare they be walking around doing nothing when Tony’s life was on the line?

Suddenly, Steve noticed the Doctor approaching them. He leaped up and walked swiftly to the dark-haired, spectacled man. The Doctor held a clipboard, and was staring at it intently. His eyes flicked up to meet Steve’s, and he tucked the clipboard under his arms, his lips pursed.

“Where is he? Is he okay?” Steve demanded in a rush, and the Doctor sighed, the exhausted sigh that comes from too much work and too little sleep.

“He’s alive and stable,” the Doctor informed them, then raised his voice to be heard over the chorus of relieved sighs. “His arm was badly broken, and the muscles were mangled. We set the bone in a cast, which he will have to wear for the next couple months. After that, well, he could very well lose about 65% of his arm’s functionality. Range of motion, his ability to control the limb, and the amount of feeling in his fingers will most likely be compromised.”

Steve let out a sharp gust of air, because that was exactly the kind of thing that could destroy Tony. Tony was an engineer, he liked to _build_ things. He needed his arm for that. And if what he said on the Quinjet was any indication, then he already had severe issues with self-worth. The loss of usage in his arm could only make it worse. Steve tuned back in to hear the Doctor continue.

“His ribs are bandaged. He had some internal bleeding, but we managed to get it under control. We’ve stitched up most of his cuts, including the laceration in his side, but he has extensive bruising and some head trauma. We should know the extent of the damage for sure when he wakes up,” the Doctor finished, and Steve exhaled as the tension fled his shoulders. He could deal with anything, as long as Tony lived.

“Yes!” Thor enthused, pumping a fist. “He will be alright!” Bruce grinned, and Clint and Natasha exchanged a relieved glance before stepping into an embrace. Clint rubbed her back soothingly, whispering softly into her ear.

“Can we see him?” Steve asked anxiously, and the Doctor hesitated.

“I would let us see him, if I were you,” Natasha whispered seriously, pulling away from Clint and pointing conspicuously to Bruce.

“Yes. Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry,” Bruce chimed in with a mocking scowl. The Doctor nodded, looking slightly alarmed. No doubt he knew who they were and what they were capable of. Ordinarily, Steve probably wouldn’t be okay with threatening a Doctor, but he was willing to make an exception.

“Okay, yeah! Room number 529,” the Doctor answered, and walked away quickly, glancing back over his shoulder a couple of times. The devious duo high-fived, looking pleased with themselves. Steve had to read a couple of signs and a map before he found the room. He stood outside the door for a moment, staring at the number. 5/29 was Tony’s birthday. Steve sucked in a sharp breath as he walked in.

Tony looked awfully small on the hospital bed, with an IV going into his arm. His face was deathly pale, a sharp contrast to the deep purple bruises and bloody scrapes. His lips were parted slightly, and Steve held his breath as his gaze zeroed in on Tony’s chest, waiting for the telltale rise and fall. After what seemed like forever, Tony inhaled and his chest inflated. Steve exhaled in time with Tony, relieved. The engineer looked half-dead, but he wasn’t; he was alive.

Still, Steve couldn’t believe that the bright, energetic man had been reduced to this. He swallowed, and stopped in the doorway, unable to continue. Bruce and Thor stepped inside, their eyes lingering on Tony. Clint followed, his normally mischievous blue eyes clouded with solemnity. Natasha paused next to him, and placed her hand gently on Steve’s shoulder. He glanced down to look at the redhead, and was surprised to find encouragement in her eyes. She seemed to understand his hesitation, and in that moment the two were connected in their grief. She cared about Tony just as much as he did, loathe she may be to admit it.

He finally worked up the courage to step further into the room. Bruce had taken a seat on the couch shoved up against a wall in the corner, and Clint was perched on the arm of the couch. Thor was standing again (thank god; Steve was beginning to worry) next to Clint. Natasha joined Bruce on the couch, and they all gazed at Steve, as if waiting for him to do something.

He slowly approached Tony, and swallowed down the guilt that threatened to overwhelm him. God, this was his fault. If he had been more cautious then this wouldn’t have happened.

“Hey,” Natasha murmured, and Steve glanced back at her, his eyes glazed with pain. “He’s fine. He’s an idiot, but he’s fine.” Steve gave her a small smile, and took the seat next to the hospital bed. Hesitantly, he reached out and grabbed Tony’s hand, then held on tight.

Steve felt a strong surge of protectiveness. No matter what, he wasn’t going to let something like this happen to Tony again. Not if he could help it. Tony was smart, and kind, and thoughtful, and-

And even though it went against everything he had ever known, he couldn’t help but recognize that, however strange they might be, he had feelings of some sort for Tony Stark.

“If that son of a bitch wasn’t dead already…” Natasha muttered darkly, her green eyes filled with sudden fury.

“What was Tony talking about, on the Quinjet?” Bruce asked curiously. “He said Hammer had tried to kill him two times before this.” Natasha nodded, her expression still stony.

“Yeah,” she answered. “A while ago, when I first met Stark, he was in the middle of doing the Stark Expo. Hammer presented a bunch of drones that turned on Tony and tried to kill him. Obviously, they didn’t succeed, but it caused a lot of damage. And I don’t know about the other time. He didn’t tell me anything, but I could tell that they had history. You don’t hate someone that much for no reason.” Steve pursed his lips, fighting back anger at Hammer. He didn’t get how he could hate Tony at all.

“What did Stark do?” Clint asked with an amused smile. “Because I’m sure he pissed him off somehow.”

“Publicly humiliated him and got him fired,” Natasha replied with a grin, and a ‘what can you do?’ shrug. “But he was dying at the time, so he had an excuse.” Steve nearly choked.

“He was _dying_?” Steve sputtered in shock. Natasha turned to him, her eyes surprised.

“You don’t know?” she demanded, and Steve shook his head, feeling excluded. But he wasn’t the only one; Thor looked confused too. Steve assumed that Natasha had already confided in Clint, and Tony probably told Bruce. He was only the leader of the team; he didn’t need to know anything. “His old Arc Reactor had a component in it called Palladium,” Natasha explained, “and it was poisoning him.”

“Why didn’t he just take it out?” Steve asked curiously.

“Because it would have killed him,” she answered in a _duh_ voice, her eyes perplexed as she studied him. “The shrapnel in his heart. Haven’t you read his file?”

“Yes,” Steve answered defensively. “It didn’t say anything about shrapnel!”

“Oh,” she murmured. “I bet he hacked it and altered what it said.”

“Wouldn’t be surprising,” Bruce sighed, half-exasperated, half-fond. Steve frowned, because he hadn’t realized how much he didn’t know. What the hell was Natasha talking about, shrapnel in his chest? How the hell did that happen? And when?

“You know, SHIELD should take a look at their security systems,” Tony stated, smug.

Steve jumped slightly upon hearing the raspy voice, but then his eyes connected with Tony’s dark brown orbs that shone with amusement, and a relieved laugh escaped his lips. Natasha was grinning widely, and Steve was once again struck by how casual Tony could be after nearly dying…again.

“Hey, how you feeling?” he asked worriedly, uncrossing his arms and moving closer to the engineer. Tony shrugged, then winced, his brow furrowing. Steve’s gaze lingered on his lips, and he couldn’t stop remembering what they felt like against his own.

“Peachy,” Tony muttered, gazing at his arm in thinly veiled distaste. “Actually, it feels like I got hit by a double-decker bus.”

“A couple tons of concrete, but, close enough,” Natasha drawled, flashing him with her signature bored look, but underneath the exterior, she was soaring with relief just like the rest of them.

“So, has anyone talked to Pepper? Is she really okay?” Tony asked anxiously, his eyes worried, and Steve felt a rush of affection for the engineer. He was half-dead, lying in a hospital bed, and all he cared about was whether or not Pepper was safe.

“She’s fine,” Natasha answered, fixing her stare on Tony. “I talked to her in the waiting room. She’s on a conference call in D.C., and complained about a missing phone, but other than that she’s fine. I didn’t tell her yet, either; figured I’d leave that to you.” Tony looked really grateful.

“Friend Anthony, how did you not know where Miss Potts was? You two are lovers, are you not?” Thor asked. Steve felt a brief flash of jealousy that he stamped down. Tony wasn’t his, so he had no right. The engineer stared down at the blankets, and shrugged.

“Pepper and I are… no longer together,” he revealed in a low voice.

“Why not?” Thor cried, seeming genuinely distraught at the news. Steve leaned forward in interest, because he had never really gotten the story. He knew that they weren’t together of course; he wouldn’t kiss Tony if they were. It was so quiet as they waited for his answer, you could hear a pen drop. Tony shifted uncomfortably under the attention.

“She couldn’t deal with me anymore. Said she didn’t want to be the one they brought the body home to,” he finally muttered, and Steve sucked in a sharp breath.

“Jeez, Tony.” He looked at the engineer with concern, because he knew that Pepper meant a lot to him. Steve could somewhat sympathize with her point of view, though. Tony had been getting more and more reckless lately, and not just on missions. He worked with dangerous materials while drunk, starved, and sleep-deprived. Steve himself was scared to death that one day there were would be an explosion down in the lab, or something would go wrong on a mission, and Tony would die.

“It’s no biggie,” Tony said with a shrug, and Steve wanted to throttle him. “Not the first time a lack of information almost got me killed.” The last statement was accompanied by a wry grin that irritated Steve, because his near-death was not a laughing matter.

“What the hell were you thinking, Stark?” Clint suddenly demanded, crossing his arms over his chest in disapproval.

“Well, as crazy as it might sound, I was kind of thinking that I didn’t want Pepper to die. Also, I was hoping I could kick that son of a bitch’s ass,” Tony seethed, struggling to sit up. Bruce let out a dry laugh, fiddling with a pen that had been tucked behind his ear.

“Yeah, you sure taught him a lesson. Don’t mess with me, or I’ll let you blow me up,” Banner teased, a warm light in his eyes. Tony scoffed, running his good hand through his disheveled hair.

“Touché,” he muttered. Steve frowned at the floor, his fists clenching at the reminder of what almost happened. Tony shouldn’t be taking it so lightly; Steve sure as hell wasn’t.

“Guys, could you maybe give us a minute?” he requested softly, and he felt Tony glance over at him in alarm. The team exchanged a few loaded looks, but complied silently. Except for Clint, of course.

“Just remember, there are kids around. Keep it PG,” he crowed, still cackling to himself as he exited the room. Steve heard a solid thwack sound, followed by a, “Hey!” And then he and Tony were alone.

+

The Captain was silent for a moment, which only served to make Tony even more nervous than he already was. He looked a little rough, but Tony knew he didn’t exactly look too great either, considering that every part of him ached or stung, and that he guessed his skin was probably going to turn a couple really interesting shades of blue over the next few days.

“So,” he began after he couldn’t take any more of the tense silence. “I’m alive.” Steve’s eyes flashed, and he fixed Tony with an infuriated glare that made him cringe. “Everything turned out okay,” he insisted with a shrug. The Captain pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a deep sigh.

“You came so close to dying, Tony,” Steve whispered, his voice breaking on the word ‘close.’ Tony’s lips parted as he took in how raw the Captain looked. He truly was beautiful, and not just because of the gorgeous face and body. He was beautiful, in every move he made, in every expression that flitted across his perfect features.

“But I didn’t, Steve,” Tony replied softly. “I’m okay. Everything is fine.” The Captain looked like he was struggling with something, and Tony instinctively realized that he was not going to like whatever it was.

“Those things you said,” Steve began hesitantly, and Tony suppressed a groan. _Here we go_. “Did you mean that? Do you really think that we- that I think those things?” Tony shrugged a little defensively.

“Don’t take it seriously, Cap. I was on drugs,” he replied, throwing the Captain a snarky grin. Steve’s eyes tightened ever so slightly, his lips thinning.

“Don’t do that,” he said curtly.

“Do what?” Tony played innocent, widening his eyes for the full Bambi-look that even the hardest of heard-asses had trouble denying. But apparently, Steve was the hardest hard-ass he’d ever encountered.

“Brush it off and pretend everything’s fine!” Steve snapped. “God, do you take anything seriously?” Tony narrowed his eyes.

“Yes, I do, Cap! I take a lot of things seriously! Like the fact that you apparently have nothing better to do with your time other than harass me for some crap I said when I was high!” he retorted, smirking when Steve’s eyes darkened with anger.

“I’m not harassing you, dammit!” Steve snarled. “I’m just trying to figure out if I need to be worried or not!”

“Well, you don’t!” Tony snapped, meeting Steve’s glare with one of his own. “Okay? Stop bothering me for all this shit that doesn’t affect you! Who the hell cares if I skip a few meals, or stay up late, or get myself blown up? You’re not my Dad, you’re not my boyfriend, you’re a coworker! So back the hell off!”

“I’m the Captain of this team!” Steve shouted. “And I don’t want to have to pull your teeth just to get answers! But you’re so damn closed off, and defensive, and self-destructive that you don’t know how to let people in! I care about you, dammit! Why can’t you just accept that and not fight me?” His voice broke a little at the end, and Tony abruptly deflated. Steve had just said that he cared about him.

“Is that why you kissed me?” Tony asked softly. Blush rose on Steve’s cheeks, and Tony suddenly felt vulnerable, and stupid. Steve was embarrassed. Just because Steve cared, it didn’t mean that he cared like _that_. They were friends; nothing more. The kiss was probably just an impulse, a gift in case Tony died, which sucked since he didn’t die. This was going to be awkward unless he shut it down right here and now.

“Okay, look, you don’t have to say anything. I understand. It only happened because I was dying, and it won’t happen again. You don’t have to feel bad. I get it,” Tony told him. He did his best to hide the emotions coursing through him, the strongest being self-loathing. How could you want someone to love you when you didn’t even like yourself?

Before Steve could say anything, the Doctor entered the room, carrying a clipboard with tons of papers. Tony felt a little sick to his stomach, as he intensely hated Doctors and hospitals. He supposed the only thing keeping him sane was Steve’s presence, even though Steve drove him insane. Kind of funny, if you thought about it. Steve was his tether. Tony didn’t want a tether.

“Mr. Stark, how are we feeling?” the Doctor asked pleasantly, smiling too wide for Tony’s liking. Steve glanced up at the Doctor, and then his eyes flicked downwards, completely avoiding Tony’s gaze. He quickly muttered a few excuses and a goodbye, then fled the room like all of hell was chasing him. Tony sighed, and peered up at the Doctor.

“Super.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think? Questions, comments, concerns? Predictions? How do ya'll think Tony will handle the news about his arm? If you have any requests, just lemme know, and I will see what I can do to accommodate you. No promises, though! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony just wanted some fucking pancakes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late! I've been trying to be consistent with the uploading, but sometimes it can be difficult, considering I don't actually have WiFi... :( Here it is, anyways!

Steve let out a deep sigh, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He had been sitting in the cafeteria for the last half hour, mulling over his talk with Tony. Had the smaller man just been trying to let him down easy? He obviously only thought of Steve as a friend, and didn’t want to hurt his feelings by outright rejecting his advances. Or maybe he just assumed that Steve had only kissed him because he was dying, not because he wanted to. These thoughts had consumed him, so he almost didn’t hear Natasha approach.

“He’s gone.” Steve glanced up at the red-headed master assassin, his brow furrowing in confusion.

“What?” She crossed her arms over her chest, her face steely.

“Tony left. Walked right out of the hospital,” she elaborated. Steve lurched to his feet, his eyes blazing.

“Where is he? How did he get out?” he demanded in a shout, then lowered his voice as the people around him stared. “Nobody was with him?” Natasha scoffed.

“As I recall, you asked for alone time. What did you say to him?” she asked curiously. Steve shrugged helplessly.

“Nothing. He actually told me that the… kiss… didn’t have to mean anything,” Steve confessed awkwardly, his face feeling hot. To his surprise, Natasha rolled her eyes.

“You idiot! He obviously wanted it to. And so do you! You two have been dancing around each other for weeks, but both of you are too scared to admit that you have feelings for each other. I swear, I can’t take any more longing stares. Either you own up to your feelings, or you leave him the hell alone,” Natasha cried passionately, throwing her hands up in exasperation. Steve blinked.

“I- I don’t-”

“However, we can deal with that later. Right now, we gotta find him before he does something else stupid,” Natasha muttered, and with a weary sigh, Steve followed her to go find one Tony Stark.

+

Tony got some strange looks as he strode into Denny’s all bloodied and bandaged, a bright red cast covering his left arm, but he couldn’t care less. He was bored with the hospital, and he wanted some pancakes. Plus, he really fucking hated hospitals, due to his frequent visits as a child, with Howard’s hand hard on his shoulder as a reminder to what would happen if he told them that, no, he didn’t really trip and hit his head.

He slid into the booth, grateful that he had managed to find a change of clothes. Jeans, an AC/DC t-shirt, and a pair of sneakers he purchased with some cash from an ATM machine. He still looked insane, but at least he wasn’t stumbling around in a hospital gown. Shit still hurt, but pancakes fixed everything, so...

“Hi, welcome to Denny’s, my name is Amy and I’ll be your server today. Can I get you something to drink?” the overly cheerful waitress chirped as she bounded up to the table. Tony winced, her voice grating on his hunger headache, and he glanced up at her in annoyance.

“I promise to tip well if you lose the cheer,” he grumbled, and she grinned, brushing a strand of blond hair out of her eyes.

“Okay. What do you want to drink?” she reiterated in a normal-ish voice, and he nodded approvingly.

“Better. Anyhoo, I’m ready to order.” He waited until Amy pulled out a small notepad and a pen, then began rattling off whatever came to mind. “I’ll take some pancakes, bacon, eggs, sausage, hash browns, and a bowl of fruit. I’ll also take a glass of scotch,” he requested, flashing a charming smile. She chuckled.

“Sorry, but we don’t carry any alcohol,” she informed him. “But the rest will be coming right up.” He exhaled, and rubbed his eyes tiredly as she walked away. Damn.

After that whole thing with Steve, he really needed to forget everything, just get blackout drunk. Perhaps Denny’s wasn’t the best place for that, but he really wanted those fucking pancakes.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” a familiar voice growled, and Tony closed his eyes, groaning slightly. Reluctantly, he dragged his eyes up to meet two irritated faces. Speak of the devil…

“Captain,” he greeted. “Natasha. Would you like to sit down?” They crossed their arms simultaneously, and he fought back a smirk. They made a pretty good team.

“Stark, why are you here?” Natasha demanded, fixing him with her piercing green eyes that normally gave him the creeps, but he knew she wouldn’t hit him now. One of the perks of almost getting blown to hell. The only perk, really.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked, folding his good arm and bad arm awkwardly behind his head. “I wanted some pancakes. How did you even find me, anyway?”

“That nurse you bribed? Natasha convinced her to spill,” Steve explained, and he too was wearing the face. The one people usually gave him when they were annoyed by his antics, which was often. But he was Tony Fucking Stark, and if he wanted pancakes, then let there be pancakes. He wondered idly if he was finally losing it.

“Unsurprising. But you got to admit, I got pretty far, didn’t I?” Tony challenged haughtily, shooting Steve a smug grin. “And, seriously, stop standing there. People are looking at us funny. Sit down,” he replied, and Natasha reluctantly slid into the booth, followed by Steve. The Captain laced his hands together, and Tony sighed as they both pulled out their disappointed faces.

“You’re not well enough to go running around town for pancakes,” Steve lectured him sternly, and Tony rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine. Besides, it’s nothing pancakes can’t fix. Speaking of.” The waitress reappeared, loaded down with plates full of steaming hot food that smelled delicious. She took her time setting all the plates down in front of him, and he gazed at them hungrily.

“Thank you, Blondie,” he muttered, thinking that it wouldn’t be appropriate to thank Jesus what with Thor not too far away, and began buttering his pancakes.

“You need to go back to the hospital,” Natasha told him softly, and he shook his head.

“Nah. It’s boring there. I’d much rather be here with you guys,” he enthused, drenching his plate in syrup. He grabbed his fork and dug in, letting out an obscene sounding moan. “Man, this is good.”

“Did you talk to the Doctor yet?” Natasha inquired, studying him closely. Tony shrugged and avoided her eyes, taking a sip of his glass of milk.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “The whole 65% bullshit. That dickhead doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’ve managed to get through much worse before, believe me.”

“Tony. Your arm is…”

“I know,” Tony interjected, setting the glass down and glancing up at Steve. “Okay? I get it. I know what kind of break it is. But I broke both legs when I was sixteen, and the Doctors didn’t even think I would walk again. Look at me! I can run a freaking marathon if I wanted to. All I’m saying is that with a little hard work…nothing’s impossible. I will gain back what I had before, and I’ll do it on my own. You don’t need to worry.”

Both of them stared at him for a long moment.

“How’d you break both legs?” Natasha eventually asked. Tony blinked, surprised. That was what she had gotten out of his little anecdote? He waved his hand dismissively.

“Look, it doesn’t matter. Point is, I’ll be fine.”

“Well, the Doctors advised that you spend a couple weeks in bedrest. Despite being a bunch of ignorant twats, some of them do know what they’re talking about. So we need to get back to the hospital, and you need to get your ass in bed,” Natasha said sternly, in a voice that left no room for discussion. Never stopped him before, though.

“I don’t like bedrest,” Tony decided, wolfing down a pancake. “It’s a waste of time.” Natasha sighed in exasperation.

“Come on, Tony. You’re gonna make yourself worse,” Steve implored, and dammit, there were the puppy eyes again. They were definitely the most dangerous weapon in the world.

“Okay, how ‘bout this?” Tony proposed, holding his fork in the air. “After pancakes, I will lie down for at least a whole night, in my own bed,” he promised, and Natasha pursed her lips, getting that look in her eye where she was assessing someone. Her assessments were usually accurate, which terrified Tony. But nobody could read anything in him unless he wanted them to…he hoped.

“Don’t like hospitals?” He didn’t meet her eyes, and carefully munched on his hash browns, swallowing the panic that rose inside him at the thought of his debilitating fear being exposed. Clint would tease him relentlessly, and he would probably lose their respect, if he ever even had it in the first place.

“Nope. Too many sick people. Besides, Bruce is a doctor, so if anything goes wrong, he can help,” Tony replied triumphantly, a satisfied smile spreading across his face. They couldn’t argue with that logic. Natasha’s eyes softened infinitesimally, and she gave him a small smile.

“You’re an idiot,” she stated, but Tony knew that he’d won.

“Maybe,” he allowed. “But who’s the bigger idiot- the idiot, or the one who lets the idiot do idiotic things?” Steve scoffed, and snagged a piece of bacon off of Tony’s plate.

“Hey!” Tony protested, and pulled all of his plates closer. “Mine!” Steve held eye contact with the dark-haired engineer as he deliberately bit into the bacon, chewed slowly, and swallowed. Tony was slightly turned on by the end of his little performance. Who knew bacon could be so arousing?

“Very funny, Rogers,” he drawled, and tried not to let his gaze linger on the captain’s lips. At least things weren’t awkward. Ha. He pulled out his wallet and threw a couple hundred on the table, remembering his promise to tip well if the waitress spoke normally.

He struggled to his feet, balancing awkwardly, and then nearly collapsed. His vision had abruptly gone dark, and a wave of dizziness had flooded over him. He held onto the table for support while he waited for his vision to clear.

“Are you okay?” Steve demanded, suddenly standing beside Tony and lightly brushing his hand over his back. “What happened?”

“Just a little dizzy,” Tony admitted reluctantly.

“We should go back to the hospital,” Natasha suggested anxiously, and he shook his head vehemently.

“No thanks!” he said, sounding slightly strangled. “I feel fine! Actually, I’m all done here anyways, so I’ll just meet you guys at the tower.” He straightened up, pleased when he didn’t fall over again. “See? I’m just peachy!”

“You shouldn’t be driving. I’ll take you,” Steve decided. Tony started to protest, but Steve cut him off by wrapping an arm around his waist. “Come on, idiot.” Steve led him to the parking lot, Natasha following close behind. Tony was very aware of Steve’s hand around him, and the strong chest supporting his shoulder. To Tony’s amusement, Steve knew exactly which car was his.

Steve opened the passenger side door, and Tony reluctantly plopped down in the seat. He hated it when other people drove his car. Natasha climbed into the back seat, and Tony grinned in relief, thankful that he wouldn’t be alone with the Captain after their mortifying exchange in the hospital. Yet another reason to hate them; they were full of _emotions_ and _feelings_.

For about ten minutes, they rode in comfortable silence, with no sounds except for the quiet but sexy purr of the engine. It was wonderful, but Tony knew it wouldn’t last.

“So,” Natasha began suddenly, and Tony was filled with dread at the mischievous tone of her voice. This couldn’t be good. “You both are extremely dumb.”

“Excuse me?” Steve asked in confusion. Tony had a feeling that he knew where she was going with this, and he did not want to go there.

“I’ll have you know that I am a fucking genius,” Tony retorted, hoping to distract her. A futile effort, as Natasha was not one to be distracted.

“You guys kissed,” she continued, “and now you’re back to tip-toeing around each other. And the longing looks, oh my god!” she exclaimed, folding her hands on the back of Tony’s seat and resting her chin on them. He fought back an exhausted sigh, preparing to have the damn talk all over again.

“I was dying, Natasha. Death looks sexy on anyone,” Tony explained patiently. “The Captain here cannot be blamed for his impulsive act as I was nearly impossible to resist. We already discussed this and agreed to forget it and never let it happen again.” The Captain was staring hard at the road, his knuckles white on the steering wheel. Great. Now he hated Tony for the awkward explanation. Tony didn’t blame him; it was pretty damn awkward.

“Stark, you have this annoying habit where something happens and then you make your own assumptions about it, and completely disregard the other person’s feelings on the matter. Did you even let Steve say his part?” Natasha challenged, and Tony bit his lip, considering.

“Maybe not,” he admitted, and then sighed, turning to Steve. “Captain, any last thoughts on the matter?” Half of him hoped that Steve would just shake his head, and the other half hoped that Steve would confess his undying love for him. Weird, conflicting desires.

“I think it would be best if this conversation was held in private,” Steve uttered in a low voice, still not looking at him. Tony swallowed, and nodded.

“Sure.” His heart sank in his chest. Steve didn’t want to berate him in front of Natasha, which he was sorta thankful for. But now he had something else to not look forward to.

“And if you two don’t talk, and I mean really talk, I’m gonna kick your asses,” Natasha threatened, and Tony laughed. It was funny because she really could probably kick his ass.

+

Butterflies filled Steve’s stomach as the neared the tower. What exactly was he going to say? I kissed you because I want to be with you, not because you were dying? That would go over like a ton of bricks if Tony didn’t feel the same. Maybe he had just let Steve kiss him because he was so out of it, which Steve couldn’t blame him for.

But, if he did feel the same… maybe this could be the start of something. Steve just knew that he had to do it, no matter what the outcome was. He was so hopelessly enamored with Tony Stark, and everything about the mechanic drove him wild.

The way he bit his lip when he was thinking, the faraway look that entered his eyes when he was building amazing things in the lab, the way that the team found him passed out in insane places, like that one time they almost tripped over him, lying on the kitchen floor, still loosely grasping a half-empty milkshake. Or his hands. God, Steve was so entranced by his hands. Scarred, beautiful, moving swiftly with delicate precision until something incredible was produced. Steve could watch them for hours.

They pulled into the garage, and Steve shut the car off while still avoiding Tony’s eyes, knowing that if he looked at him he would lose his nerve. Tony exited the car and slowly made his way into the tower. Steve could tell that he was trying not to limp, which made him sort of proud, in a weird way.

Steve strode ahead of Tony to open up the door for him. Tony shot him a weird look as he went inside, his eyes slightly mistrustful. Steve was confused. He thought that holding the door open for someone was a nice thing to do.

“Thanks, Cap,” Tony muttered, and Steve smiled. He and Natasha followed the engineer down the hall and they reached the elevator doors. Tony pushed the button, and they waited in uncomfortable silence for it to arrive. Once it did, Tony limped on, and Steve stood in the front. Natasha strode into the very back of the elevator, stretching. Tony moved forward to avoid getting hit, and then he was standing next to Steve. He shot Natasha a look, but she just shrugged innocently.

“Which floor?” she asked. Steve pushed the button for the main floor, and then they began their ascent, with the funny elevator feeling in his stomach.

The elevator ride was awkward, to say the least. Tony seemed to be avoiding his eyes as well, rocking back and forth on his heels. Steve contented himself with counting the number of tiles on the elevator floor. Only Natasha seemed at ease, humming a song softly that Steve didn’t recognize.

Once the elevator stopped in the main area, Tony stumbled out, and finally glanced at Steve, unsure.

“So, uh…where do you want to talk?” he asked, wrinkling his nose adorably.

“Wherever you’ll feel most comfortable,” Steve murmured. Tony hated talking about feelings, so the least Steve could do was let him be where he wanted to be.

“Well, Stark needs to lie down, so talk in his bedroom,” Natasha interjected, grinning suggestively. “You’ll have some privacy there. The team and I will be training down in the gym. Come find us after you’ve rested. Have a good time!” She practically skipped away, and Steve stared after her in shock.

“That woman,” Tony muttered, “is the devil.”

“She’s very sly,” Steve agreed, amusement coloring his tone.

“Well,” Tony said after a moment, clapping his hands together. “Right this way, I guess?” Steve followed him down the hall to his bedroom, stopping outside the door as Tony opened it. “Welcome to my humble abode.” Tony gestured widely, stepping into the room.

Steve had never been in Tony’s bedroom before, and found it interestingly simple. The carpet was a soft gray color, and on the wall to the left there was a king-sized bed adorned in a black, white, and gray striped comforter. It was neatly made, and the only other piece of furniture in the room was a side table with a lamp and an alarm clock. What Steve assumed to be the closet and bathroom doors were closed, and there were no windows in the fairly large room, which looked kind of odd.

“Why aren’t there any windows?” Steve asked curiously, and Tony flopped down onto the bed, wincing slightly.

“Since the battle of New York, I kinda don’t like them,” Tony answered, folding his hands across his chest.

“Why?”

“Um… Loki sort of threw me out a window a little bit. _My_ window, in fact. The bastard. I had my bracelets on, though, and the suit can come to me if I’m wearing them. Which is why I didn’t die,” Tony explained. Steve raised his eyebrows.

“I didn’t know that.”

“That’s because I don’t tell you everything,” Tony returned simply, gazing up at the ceiling. Steve studied him carefully, tracing the strong lines of his jaw, his full lips.

“I wish you would,” he murmured, just loud enough for the mechanic to hear. Tony glanced over at him, his brow furrowed.

“What do you mean?” Steve inhaled deeply, shoving his hands in his pockets. After a second of deliberating, he moved over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. Tony sat up, wrapping his good arm and bad arm loosely around his knees as he drew them up to his chest, his face expectant. Steve steeled himself for everything to change.

“I didn’t kiss you because you were dying. I kissed you because I like you, and I don’t mean as a friend. I’m… interested in you,” Steve confessed, and Tony froze, his eyes going wide.

“You’re- what?” Tony stammered, blinking rapidly. Steve just looked back at him.

“I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you. I still do. I also want to take you out on dates, and hold your hand, and make you happy when you’re not. I want to hold you when you’re upset, and share my life with you. I want to be able to kiss you whenever I feel like it, without it being such a big deal. I want _you_ , Tony,” Steve confessed passionately, his heart hammering in his chest as he waited for the other man to respond. Tony opened his mouth, then closed it again. This went on for several minutes, and Steve grew more worried by the second.

“I… I’m not…good. For you. Or anyone else, for that matter,” Tony finally replied, casting his dark eyes down at the bed sheets. Steve placed a finger under the smaller man’s chin, and lifted his face gently. Tony met his gaze, and Steve just marveled at him. Tony’s eyes were so large and beautiful, guarded and vulnerable at the same time, helpless.

“Why would you think that?” Steve whispered, and tears threatened to spill onto the engineer’s cheeks. Tony wiped them away roughly, seeming angry.

“Because I have fucked up every relationship I’ve ever been in,” he returned. “And I always end up hurting people. Like Justin fucking Hammer, for example.” Steve’s eyebrows shot up, because that came as a bit of a surprise. “In high school, we were fuck buddies, and I hurt him. Why do you think he was so mad at me? Mad enough to try to kill me!”

“Tony, that wasn’t your fault,” Steve told him gently. “It was his, okay? No matter how bad you think you hurt him, he should not have tried to hurt you.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that relationships don’t always end well for me, or the other person. And trust me, I’m not the person you want to be in a relationship with,” Tony insisted. “I’m annoying, and I push people away, and I don’t listen, and I forget things, and I stay down in the lab all the time, and I don’t like taking about feelings. Ever.”

“And you’re smart,” Steve told him softly, “and funny, and interesting, and thoughtful, and you make me smile, and I can’t stop thinking about you. And frankly, I don’t want to. I know that it’s a little scary. I know it could affect the team, and I know one or both of us could end up hurt. But wouldn’t it all be worth it? Wouldn’t the good times make up for the bad times?”

Tony blinked, staring at Steve with this look in his eyes. Steve couldn’t tell what he was thinking, at all. And then he broke into a grin.

“I suppose they would,” Tony answered, his eyes twinkling. “I really hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.” Steve smirked.

“I have no idea. But that’s okay,” he decided, and then leaned forward, giving Tony plenty of time to pull away. Apparently it was unnecessary. Tony grabbed him by the back of the neck and brought their lips together, and then they were kissing. And god, it was so much better when Steve wasn’t worried about him bleeding out.

When Steve finally pulled away, Tony was panting, his lips kiss-swollen, his face flushed. Steve decided that it was a very good look on him.

“Maybe you should rest now,” Steve suggested reluctantly, and Tony nodded, surprisingly. Steve had expected a bit of resistance on that one. Tony must have been more tired than he had originally thought.

“Stay with me?” Tony asked as he lied down, tugging lightly on Steve’s shirt sleeve. Steve smiled, curling up next to him and wrapping an arm around his waist. He pressed a kiss to the engineer’s head.

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a Doctor, nor have I ever had medical training, so sorry if it is horribly unrealistic. In my head, I kinda figure that Tony is so used to physical pain that unless it's severe, he hardly notices anymore... hope you liked it! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony promptly decides to fuck it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, I admit it: I'm late again. I know, I suck. But here it is anyways, hope you enjoy!

Tony woke late the next day, curled against a certain blond super soldier. He was shocked that for the first time in years, he hadn’t waken up screaming from the nightmares. He might have just been too exhausted.

He felt blood rush to his cheeks as he remembered the previous day, and his talk with the Captain. He meant what he said, but he was too weak to try to further convince Steve that this was a bad idea. He was only human, after all, and he could not resist when Steve looked at him the way he had.

He stretched, and found that he was starving. Stealthily, he moved out from under Steve’s arm and rolled off the bed. His head ached, and his side burned from the movement, but his arm felt fine. It was wrapped tightly in the cast, and he wondered who told them to make it red.

He tiptoed to the bathroom, being careful not to wake Steve, who slept on in his bed. For a moment, he gazed at the Captain in awe, hardly believing that Captain fucking America was in his bed. He had always admired and hated him as a child, the admiration because, come on, it was Captain America. The hate was all thanks to Howard. But now Tony was with him. It blew his mind. And terrified him. How the hell was he supposed to be with Steve, without fucking it up?

He crept into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, pausing and staring at himself in the mirror. His skin was less pale than usual, but the purple half-moons under his eyes were still there. Bright red cuts still marred his skin. He lifted his shirt tenderly, and gazed at the bandages covering the gash in his side, the bruises blossoming on his chest and stomach. He looked like shit.

Taking a deep breath, he turned on the faucet. Water started rushing out into the sink, and he gazed at it with apprehension. His heart seized up, and he started breathing heavily. His issue with water hadn’t gone away since the cave in Afghanistan, and it was becoming exhausting. He didn’t mind showers, or the rain, but most other things freaked him out, like running water in sinks or baths, or even in a glass.

With a sigh, he turned the water off, instead opting for a wet wipe. He cleaned the blood off his face, and threw on a clean pair of jeans and an AC/DC t-shirt. Feeling much better, he snuck back out of the room, and made his way down to the kitchen. He could hear shouts and laughter coming from the table, and he rounded the corner.

The whole team, apart from Steve of course, was there eating dinner. They all fell silent and turned to look at him as he entered the kitchen. Tony ignored the elephant in the room and went for the fridge, his stomach rumbling.

“Hey, how you feeling?” Natasha eventually called.

“Hungry,” he replied simply, and pulled out the milk.

“Did you and the Cap, er, talk?” Clint piped up, and he raised his eyebrows suggestively, grinning. Tony shot him a look as he got a bowl and spoon. If Clint wanted to be like that, well…

“Yes, as a matter of fact. And we decided that it would be best if I…left the tower,” Tony announced solemnly, adopting a look of remorse.

“What?!” Thor shouted loudly, and there was a chorus of indignant protests. Bruce’s expression was close to that of a kicked Puppy, and Natasha just looked pissed. Clint was frowning for once, holding his fork out like a sword as he shouted. After several seconds of an incoherent cacophony of furious shouts, Tony decided that they’d had enough.

“I’m just kidding!” Tony cried over the shouts, snickering. The protests died away, replaced by exasperated looks. “Jeez, calm down. We talked it out, and decided to…give it a try.”

“Thank God!” Natasha exclaimed, slouching in her seat. She wore a look that said, ‘my work here is done.’ Her obsession with Steve’s love life had amused him right up until he was involved in the picture. Then, not so much. But her meddling had finally paid off, he supposed, but once they all found out what he was really like… they wouldn’t want to be within ten miles of him. Especially Steve. And the scary part was that he didn’t know how long he could keep up his charade.

“So friend Anthony and friend Steven are in a courtship?” Thor was grinning hugely.

“Yeah, big guy. I guess so,” he replied, amusement coloring his tone. The hammer-wielding demigod, when he wasn’t screaming about putting the hammer down, was actually a lot of fun. Thor clapped his hands together eagerly.

“Yay!”

“This is going to be entertaining,” Clint mused, stroking his jaw. Tony rolled his eyes, pouring himself a bowl of cookie crisps. He took a seat at the end of the table, and dug in. They were all eating Natasha’s legendary tacos, as it was Friday night, and therefore Taco Night. But breakfast was always better.

“Healthy,” Natasha remarked, raising an eyebrow at his cereal. Tony shrugged, his mouth full.

“Tastes good,” he mumbled. It was better than not eating at all, which was what he usually did. But now that he was held accountable by one Super Soldier, he was going to try to remember to eat and sleep regularly. No promises though, as old habits die hard. He stopped expecting to eat on a daily basis shortly after Howard turned to drinking. Hiding out in his room for days at a time to escape the old man’s wrath, too scared to go to sleep. After a while, he sort of just got used to it, and learned to function.

“Hey, where is Steve?” Clint suddenly asked, glancing around as if he expected Steve to be hiding behind the refrigerator.

“Still asleep, I think,” Tony replied. “I didn’t want to wake him up.”

“You guys didn’t…” Clint trailed off, staring meaningfully at his ruffled hair. Tony laughed at the implication. Not because he didn’t expect it to get that far, or anything.

“Nah. Didn’t want to rip my stitches. Besides, the Cap is a little old fashioned. We haven’t even had a first date yet,” Tony pointed out, and Natasha smiled.

“Maybe you two could go out tonight,” she suggested. He considered for a moment, then shook his head. Dates were never really his strong suit; his time with Pepper had taught him that, at least.

“He needs to sleep,” Tony decided, and Natasha scoffed.

“Right, he’s the one who needs to sleep,” she muttered, but he ignored her. He was just fine, thank you very much.

“I’ll probably just go out on my own,” he told them, and stood up to put his bowl in the sink. “After all, it is Friday night.” He smiled wryly.

“Are you joking?” Bruce demanded harshly, narrowing his eyes. Tony shrugged, pretending not to notice the looks he was getting. Natasha looked like she wanted to strangle him.

“Why would I be? I need a drink, and I need alone time. If the Cap wakes up, tell him I’m out,” Tony instructed, and slipped out of the room before someone could think to restrain him.

He pulled on a leather jacket, grabbed his phone and keys, and headed out.

+

When Steve woke, he stretched, searching for Tony. He jerked upright, startled, when he found only the cold sheets. Where was Tony? His heart hammered in his chest, because Tony was injured. He listened out for any indication that Tony could be in the bathroom

“Tony?” he asked worriedly, but received no reply. He slid out of bed and made his way to the door, disoriented. He opened it and shuffled down the hall and into the living room, where he heard laughter and saw glowing lights.

He rounded the corner and saw that the team was watching a movie together. Bruce and Natasha were hanging out on the couch. Thor was sitting cross-legged on the floor with rigidly straight posture, munching contentedly on some pop-tarts. Clint was sprawled across the floor on a heap of pillows, and he had arranged a bit of a fort.

“Where’s Tony?” he asked over the noise from the T.V. They all turned to look at him, and Natasha pressed the mute button. She glanced up at him, her cat-like green eyes bright.

“Uh…he left,” she replied, shifting on the couch so she was facing him, pulling one knee up to her chest and letting the other dangle over the edge of the couch. Steve’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“L-Left? Where the hell is he?” he demanded, his heart constricting.

“He said he needed a drink,” Bruce spoke up, avoiding his eyes. Steve sucked in a sharp breath, white-hot rage curling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t know who it was directed at, but it was strong.

“And you just let him go?!” Steve roared. “He just got out of the hospital from the last time he decided to go do something!” Picturing Tony out somewhere, drunk, vulnerable…it terrified him.

“Steve,” Natasha warned in a steady voice. “You need to calm down. We didn’t just let him go, we gave him crap about it too. But when has anyone ever been able to stop Tony Stark from doing something?” Steve took several deep breaths, trying to get a grip on his emotions.

“Okay, you have a point. I need to go find him, before someone else does,” he muttered.

“There’s a bar a couple blocks from here that he likes,” Bruce offered helpfully. “We went there together once.” Steve nodded his head at the scientist, and Clint glanced at him mischievously.

“What are you going to do when you find him?”

“Haul his ass back here and tie him to his bed,” Steve growled, and grabbed the keys to one of Tony’s cars.

“Kinky,” Clint remarked before turning back to the T.V.

+

“Your finest scotch, please,” Tony requested, sliding onto the bar stool. The bartender nodded at him, and pulled out a glass, filling it with the amber colored liquid. He placed it in front of Tony, who gratefully lifted it to his lips, tossing back about half of it in a single go. He relaxed almost instantly.

This was exactly what he needed after all that had happened in the past couple of days. He still couldn’t believe the turn of events his conversation with the Captain had taken. He knew in the bottom of his heart that he didn’t deserve him, and that one day Steve would leave and take everything with him, but for some reason the engineer thought that maybe he could just try to enjoy this while it lasted.

He wondered when the Captain’s opinions of him had changed. Back on the Heli-carrier, the super soldier had intensely disliked him, and he remembered the biting words they had exchanged. He regretted every single one of his, as they were all untrue. But Steve had been right. The laundry list of character defects, and Steve had gotten them on the dot. He was selfish, worthless, pathetic. Howard had said so himself, and then the world’s first superhero had merely echoed him. The two people whose approval he had always dreamed of and they both hated him. He didn’t blame them.

He drained the rest of his drink, and slammed it down on the counter. If he could think, he wasn’t drunk enough.

“Another,” he rasped, and the bartender complied silently. He took a deep drink, and smiled at the pleasant warmth in his stomach. He finished off that drink and immediately ordered another. Already, he could feel the effects of the drinks. Sometimes, he really loved being drunk.

“Tony!”

Tony turned, and glanced up at the Captain with a lazy smile. He wasn’t sure exactly what Steve was doing there, but the more the merrier!

“Hey, Cap’n,” he slurred. Steve’s face was tight with disapproval. Tony snorted. “Oh, come on. Lighten up. I’m just having a drink…or two.” Steve sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

“You shouldn’t have been. I’m just peachy,” Tony assured him, patting Steve on the arm. Steve took a seat beside him, his blue eyes intense. Tony just smiled at him, thinking to himself that Steve was really pretty. His light blond hair was ruffled up adorably, and he wore a pair of sweatpants, and a t-shirt that hugged his chest.

“Tony…Hammer tried to kill you. You’ve only just gotten out of the hospital, and technically you should still be there. Please, for both my sake and yours…be more careful,” Steve implored.

“For your sake?” Tony drawled questioningly, raising an eyebrow. Steve nodded seriously.

“Yes. Do you honestly think I could stand to lose you?” Tony frowned unhappily at what Steve was saying, his buzz fading slightly.

“You’d be fine,” he muttered, trying to convince himself more than anything.

“No, Tony. Losing you would kill me,” Steve insisted, his face softening with affection as he gazed at the self-proclaimed genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist. Tony shook his head vehemently.

“Please don’t. You can’t say things like that,” Tony said unevenly. He wasn’t sure why he was getting so upset, and then he realized: _duh! He was Tony Stark, insecure and pathetic!_

“Why not?” Steve asked, confused.

“I am not good for you, Captain,” Tony told him seriously, emptily. “I’m only going to drag you down. And one day you’re going to realize that, or you’re going to remember all the reasons you hated me in the first place, and you are going to leave me. I don’t expect anything else. I can only hope that when you do leave, you don’t feel guilty for ruining what’s left of me,” Tony stated, then let out a short, humorless laugh. “No, you’ll hate me so much you’ll enjoy my misery, just like Howard.”

Steve’s eyes widened, and he sucked in a sharp breath, jerking back. Tony paled as he realized what he just said, and he froze. Usually, he could easily talk his way out of this one, in fact, he wouldn’t have even let it slip if he as sober. But the whole purpose of drinking was to forget how to think, and he unfortunately accomplished that.

“What did you just say?” Steve breathed.

“Nothing. Forget it, I’m drunk,” Tony muttered.

“Howard enjoyed your misery?” Steve seemed confused by the phrasing, as if it were put together wrong. Tony had to remind himself that the Howard Steve knew and the Howard he knew were completely different people. “What do you mean?”

“No, I don’t know what I’m saying, please just leave it alone,” Tony begged. Tears welled up in his eyes at the thought of telling the Captain just how far Howard dropped to hit rock bottom. He couldn’t live with that being exposed, especially not to the Cap. Steve nodded slowly, his eyes unsure as he scrutinized him.

“Let’s get you home,” Steve finally whispered, giving up for now, and helped the mechanic to his feet. Tony shrugged off his touch as if it stung, ignoring the hurt that flashed across Steve’s face, and they made their way to the exit together.

“Bartender, just put it on my tab,” Tony called over his shoulder. Steve led him outside and, steered them towards _his_ goddamn car, which looked beautiful just resting in the parking space.

“Why do you have Stark 8?” Tony demanded incredulously. Steve didn’t look at him as he got into the driver’s seat, and Tony reluctantly slid into the passenger’s seat.

“I couldn’t very well drive you home on my motorcycle, could I?” Steve pointed out. Tony shrugged.

“Fair enough. I didn’t need you to come rescue me though. I’d be perfectly fine to drive myself home on Stark 4. Which I will now have to come back to pick up,” he returned. Steve snorted.

“Right. I’m sure you could drive in your state.” Tony nodded seriously.

“I could. I have plenty of experience,” he said smugly, and Steve’s eyes narrowed.

“You’re not serious.” Tony smiled, and for some reason, he wanted to piss the Captain off. Maybe if he pushed him far enough, Steve would leave before he got in too deep. Tony might be too weak to break it off, but that didn’t mean Steve was.

“Oh, I am,” Tony promised, his voice icy. “I do it all the time, stars ‘n stripes. It’s a fun challenge.” Steve’s mouth tightened into a hard line, disapproval rolling off of him in waves. After a few tense minutes, the car pulled into the garage of the tower. Tony got out of the car, and slammed the door shut. Steve didn’t look at him as they walked up to the entrance of the building (or more stumbled in Tony’s case). The blond super soldier reached the door, then paused and turned, finally dragging his eyes up to reluctantly meet the engineer’s.

“We will talk about this tomorrow when you wake up. But right now, you’re obviously too drunk to know what you’re talking about, so it’s your bedtime,” Steve told him firmly, and Tony knew that there was no arguing. He nodded and snapped a salute, ignoring Steve when he rolled his eyes. Steve opened the door, gesturing for Tony to go first. What a gentlemen. He strolled nonchalantly into the tower, and went up to say goodnight to the team, the Captain trailing behind him.

“Hey, guys,” Tony greeted them when he walked into the living room. They paused their movie, one that he himself had shown them a while back: Nacho Libre, one of his favorites.

“Hey, Stark. How much trouble are you in?” Clint teased, buried under one of his forts, his grinning face peeking out from a huddle of blankets. Tony smirked.

“Mom says I have to go to bed, but I’m sure we’ll discuss punishment tomorrow,” Tony replied, holding back a snicker. Natasha smiled at that, and he noticed with some satisfaction that her eyes kept straying down to glance at Clint affectionately. Tony had been rooting for them from the beginning.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll have fun with that,” Clint remarked slyly, and Tony’s stomach tightened at the mental image, but in a good way. Not that Steve would ever be up for anything like that, but a guy could dream, couldn’t he?

“Hmm,” Tony murmured noncommittally, keeping his expression blank. “Goodnight, guys.” He gave them a little wave, and turned to leave. Steve stood by the hall, his arms crossed over his chest, his face unreadable. Tony made sure to bump into his shoulder as he walked by to go to his bedroom, eliciting an exasperated sigh from the star spangled man with plan.

He paused by the door, then glanced at the captain, who was standing next to him. Steve stood there stiffly, and Tony felt a brief pang of regret, because he really had pushed him away that fast. A new record, he figured. He wasn’t sure why, but he got this way sometimes: with that cruel, harsh fire in his heart that drove him to push away the people he cared about. Tony wondered if he maybe enjoyed being miserable and alone. He pushed all that down, because now wasn’t the time. These were thoughts for the lab, which he was sure he would stay in for the day tomorrow. After tonight, he wouldn’t be able to look at Steve again. And he was sure the feeling was mutual.

“As I recall, your bedroom is that way,” Tony informed him, pointing down the hall when he realized that the man in question was still there.

“I don’t trust you,” Steve stated plainly, and Tony frowned. Well, what did he expect? With a shrug, he opened his door and stepped inside, flicking on the light. He made his way over to the closet and grabbed a pair of pajama pants and a shirt. He turned to Steve. He couldn’t help remembering last night, when Steve had been kissing him so passionately he couldn’t breathe.

“I’ll just be in the bathroom changing, or do you need to come in, make sure I’m not drinking cleaner?” Tony challenged him, and Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling deeply.

“Go.” Tony closed the door behind him, and quickly exchanged his jeans for the soft cotton pants, his eyes lingering at his shirtless chest in the mirror. His torso was scarred from the years of torture at his father’s hands, and Steve could have seen them. That would not have been good. He pulled his shirt over his head, concealing the darker parts of his past, and then came out of the bathroom.

“Bedtime,” he announced, and then crawled into bed, pulling the covers up around him. Steve hesitated, and Tony knew he was wondering where to sleep. He rolled his eyes, and then patted the other side of the bed. “Turn the light off and get in here.” Steve’s eyes briefly flashed with amusement, and then it was dark, and Tony couldn’t see anything. Steve climbed into bed, but they did not cuddle like they had before.

Tony lied awake, his thoughts racing. He had let that bit about his old man slip, and he was sure that Steve was going to bring it up tomorrow. What would he say? Yeah, Howard’s favorite activities included drinking excessive amounts of whiskey, beating the hell out of his son starting at the age of seven, and searching for you, his greatest success? That he hated Tony because he wasn’t as good as the Captain? That would go over like a ton of freaking bricks.

On the other hand, maybe Tony could tell him everything, and then Steve would be so disgusted that he would just leave. Or better yet, Tony could spill the beans and then slit his wrists open. It’s not like he hadn’t thought about it before, it’s not like he hadn’t _tried_ before, but could he really do that to Steve? Steve would actually be better off if Tony just died.

Suicide had always been at the back of his mind, as an option if things got too bad. As a child, he always was fascinated by the prospect of taking his own life. He couldn’t control when Howard drank, when the old man felt like kicking the shit out of him, but he could control when and how he died, and it had always appealed to him. But he couldn’t do that to Steve.

+

Steve lied awake in bed, his thoughts racing. He had been so angry with the dark-haired man for putting himself in danger, but now he was just confused. What had he meant when he said that Howard enjoyed his misery? Was it just the alcohol talking?

No, Steve didn’t think so. The bitterness in Tony’s expression tipped him off that he had not gotten along well with his dad. But surely he couldn’t have been saying that Howard had… _hurt_ him. His old friend would never hurt his kid.

And that speech Tony had given about how he wasn’t good enough, how he would only bring him down, that Steve would eventually leave him. That had broken his heart in two. He could only hope that after some time, Tony would realize that Steve was serious about him, and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

And then in the car ride home, it was like Tony was trying to anger him. Tony Stark was certainly a complex man, and half the time Steve was just desperately wishing that he could know what he was thinking. It would make things so much easier.

Tomorrow, hopefully he would have some answers. He wasn’t giving up until Tony told him everything, no matter what. He couldn’t help him if he didn’t know the problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, there it is! Tony can't help it; he feels like he has to push Steve away to protect him. There is a lot of angst in this story, so sorry if you get exasperated. I promise, though, it will all come full circle in the end, and I will try to give the readers a happy ending.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this is where Bucky decides to show up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, finally, a little Bucky added to the mix! And, to top it off, I'm on time! HAHA, motherfuckers! :)

Steve woke to pins and needles racing up his arm. He opened his eyes, and was startled to find that he and Tony had snuggled up against each other during the night. Tony’s head rested on his chest, and Steve’s arm was trapped under the engineer. He glanced down, preparing to wake the smaller man, and then paused. In sleep, all Tony’s walls had fallen away, and he looked…innocent. Like a child who needed protection. Steve would have loved to just stare at him, but his arm was really starting to hurt.

“Tony,” he whispered, stroking the engineer’s hair with his free hand. “Tony, wake up.” Tony stirred, his dark eyes fluttering open. He blinked a couple of times, then glanced up, his nose wrinkling in confusion. His eyes were hazy as they stared up at Steve, unguarded and full of…affection? Tony blinked, and suddenly his eyes cleared. The walls returned immediately, and Steve tried not to feel too disappointed.

“Why are we cuddling?” Tony asked, wincing in what Steve assumed was pain. He had heard that hangovers were nasty.

“Must have been while we were sleeping,” Steve explained awkwardly. Tony sat up, then lifted a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes tightly.

“Hmm,” he murmured. “Hangovers suck. I need aspirin.” Tony climbed out of bed awkwardly using his good arm, as the other was still in a cast. Steve wondered when the cast would come off, and how much physical therapy Tony would need to regain the use of the limb. So far, Tony seemed to be handling it pretty well, though he hadn’t talked about it since Denny’s.

Steve watched patiently as Tony shuffled to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet, popping two aspirins in his mouth and swallowing them dry. “That’s better,” Tony decided.

“We need to talk,” Steve reminded him softly, and Tony sighed, leaning heavily against the sink. He turned to look at Steve apprehensively. Steve resented the tinge of fear in his eyes. What was he so scared of?

“Or,” Tony suggested in a hopeful voice, “we could just pretend nothing happened and go about our lives obliviously content.” Steve chuckled dryly.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I can do that,” he replied with a small smile, gazing at the mechanic sadly. Tony nodded, seeming resigned. Steve couldn’t seem to summon the anger he had felt last night, but he supposed that it was only because he was in the same room as Tony. He couldn’t ever stay mad at that face. Who could?

“Right. So, let’s talk,” Tony replied bravely, and bounded across the room, throwing himself on the bed. He gestured invitingly to the spot across from him, and Steve sat (he had unconsciously stood when Tony had gone to get aspirin).

“We have a lot to talk about,” Steve began. “But first, I need to tell you your options.” Steve mentally winced, because he wasn’t trying to boss Tony around, and it sounded like he was. “Or rather, the two ways I see this going. Because obviously we can’t continue the way we’ve been going.”

“So you say,” Tony muttered, glaring at the bedsheets.

“Come on, Tony,” Steve implored, and Tony reluctantly dragged his gaze up. “You know it’s not going to work if we keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” Tony protested, and Steve levelled him with a hard look.

“You know what!” Steve retorted. “You’re so reckless, and self-destructive, and you keep pulling me in only to push me away again! I know that it’s not my place as the leader of this team to know everything about you, but as your _boyfriend_ ,” Steve insisted, stressing the word, “I think I’m entitled to knowing what to do and what not to do. If there’s something hindering our shot at this, I feel I deserve to know.”

Tony stared at him for a long moment, then glanced back down, his eyes defeated.

“I know, you’re right. It’s just…damn, this is gonna suck.” Steve smiled.

“Yeah, maybe. But it needs to happen.” Tony was silent, and Steve took that as permission to continue. “So here is how I see this going: you can either tell me everything that is plaguing you, preventing you from diving into this headfirst, making you pull away when it’s clear you need somebody…or you can walk away.” Tony’s lips parted, and his eyes went wide with shock. Steve just looked at him evenly, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around him and never let go. Tony frowned.

“None of the above?” he answered weakly, and Steve shook his head.

“It’s an either/or, Tony.”

              +

Tony had expected to shoulder some difficult questions, but he in no way had expected this. Steve was basically offering him agonizing pain or unbearable pain. The problem was he couldn’t know which was which. Would it be better for him to just leave, with his walls still intact? He had been holding all of the demons back for so long, and he didn’t know what would happen if he just let it all out.

But then again, he couldn’t say no to those eyes. He had planned last night to tell Steve everything in a moment of strength, clarity, and objectiveness, and then…what? Either Steve would walk away, or Tony would be too mortified to stay. But Steve did have a point; he deserved to know. And Tony had decided (sort of) to tell him last night, while he was under the cover of darkness. But here in the light of day, with Steve sitting so close, he couldn’t actually imagine saying the words. And if Steve knew what Tony was planning to do if he had to tell Steve, would the soldier still prefer to know the truth?

In the end, it was just too much.

“I’m sorry,” Tony finally whispered. “But what you’re asking me to do would destroy this.” Steve stared at him for some immeasurable amount of time, pain and grief shining in his eyes. Tony didn’t want to stick around to hear how disappointed he was, so he stood quietly and turned to leave. But before he could, a sharp voice rang out, and for a moment Tony didn’t even think it was Steve, it sounded so different.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Tony paused, his heart sinking. The anger in Steve’s voice was hurtful, and unexpected. Tony’s hand hovered at the doorknob.

“Excuse me?” he asked the doorknob. He heard Steve get up, and Tony turned back to stare at him. A part of him also didn’t want his back to Steve when he was so angry. Wasn’t that Tony didn’t trust him, but, he didn’t trust him. And it seemed he was justified, too.

The soldier’s face was even, but something dangerous burned at the back of his bright blue eyes. Steve strode up to the engineer, his face hard, and Tony backed up until his heel hit the door. Steve kept going until they were nose-to-nose, and Tony had to physically hold back a flinch, because the anger in Steve's eyes was frightening him.

“What the hell happened to you that you refuse to let anyone in?” Steve demanded harshly. Tony grimaced, then straightened out his expression. If Steve wanted to push…fine. Tony plastered on his most plastic, fake smile, the one he knew pissed Steve off. Pissed most people off, actually.

“Nothing,” he replied flippantly, grinning and narrowing his eyes in a challenge. “I’m just an asshole.” Steve shook his head angrily.

“No,” he snarled. “See, this is what you do, Tony. You push people away when they care about you. Why can’t you just open up and take a chance?” Rage boiled in Tony’s gut, and he clenched his fists at his side, his heart hammering in his chest.

“Because I tried that once, and it didn’t work out,” he spat furiously. Steve glared.

“Really? Because I didn’t know that. I don’t know anything about you!” His voice had risen to a shout, and Tony suddenly worried about the team listening to their argument, specifically Natasha. Now _that_ was a conversation he didn’t want to have. When he spoke again, it was quietly, and coldly.

“There’s not much to know,” he growled. “I’m _selfish_. I only fight for myself. I don’t care about _anything_ or _anyone_ but Tony Stark. You know guys worth ten of me? Great. Go bother them and leave me the hell alone.” Tony smirked, pleased that he had managed to throw the Heli-carrier incident back in the soldier’s face.

“I can’t!” Steve shouted, his eyes strangely desperate. He lowered his eyes, his lips tightening in apparent pain. “I don’t want anyone but you.” The breath caught in Tony’s throat, and he leaned his head back onto the door.

“Please don’t,” he whispered brokenly. “I can’t give you what you want. You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“Maybe not,” Steve allowed, placing his hands on either side of Tony’s head so Tony was forced to look at him. “But I _want_ you. All of you, the good and the bad. Please, don’t just give up without even trying. Give us a real shot before you decide that I can’t handle whatever it is that’s holding you back.” Tony stared at the soldier for a long moment, war raging inside him. If Steve wanted to break him, then let him; Tony didn’t have the strength to fight anymore. He was terrified of being honest, but so damn sick of hiding and locking it all away.

Suddenly, mercifully, the doorknob jiggled, and Tony jumped away to avoid being hit. Steve followed, and the door was thrown open with urgency. Natasha appeared in the doorway, dressed in her combat gear, her face grim.

“Natasha!” Steve exclaimed in surprise, his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline.

“Sorry to interrupt, boys,” she drawled in that arrogant way of hers, her gaze darting between them like she knew exactly what was going on. “But we’ve got a problem.”

“What’s going on?” Steve demanded.

“The Winter Soldier has taken a hostage about ten minutes from here, and is adamant that he will only speak to Captain America.” The effect on Steve was immediate. His eyes widened, and a small, choked gasp escaped his lips. He and the team had been tirelessly looking for Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes ever since they had discovered that the soldier was still alive. But apparently, the guy was like a ghost; couldn’t be found, unless he wanted you to find him. Barnes had expertly evaded them thus far, and now was just popping up, demanding to see Steve. Something stirred in his gut, warning him that something was off. Steve didn’t seem to think so, though, based on the way his eyes were brightening hopefully.

“Bucky is here in New York?” he demanded breathlessly, and Natasha pursed her lips.

“Yeah. And we need to hurry before he gets away again. So suit up, Cap.” Steve bit his lip and turned to Tony, indecision clear on his face, his body leaning towards the door. Tony nodded encouragingly, gesturing to the exit. Tony didn’t know Barnes; it was Steve’s call to make.

“Go!” Tony cried, and with a quick, half-grateful half-apologetic smile, Steve raced out of the room, his face flushed. Natasha turned to Tony sternly.

“And you stay here,” she ordered. “Steve won’t be able to concentrate if you’re there.” Tony wasn’t about to argue, and Natasha seemed to sense this. She whirled and fled the room, speaking in rapid Russian into her earpiece on the way out. Tony sighed, staring after them in relief. Now he didn’t have to talk to Steve, and if things went well, the blond super soldier would be too busy with his old friend to pay attention to Tony. It was perfect. Tony shuddered at the thought of how close he had come to spilling the beans.

              +

“We need a plan,” Steve stated, crouching behind the heavily armored black truck as he stared at the tinted windows to the building. _Bucky is in there_ , he thought ecstatically. They were _so_ close. Natasha, crouched beside him, shot him an amused look.

“I thought you were the star spangled man with a plan,” she teased, her eyes bright with excitement. She had grown slightly bored at the StarkTower, just lounging around all day with nothing to do. Steve rolled his eyes, then went back to staring at the exit.

Police had been the first on the scene, but when Steve had arrived with the red-headed master assassin, he had sent them away. Bucky _was_ dangerous, after all, and even he could admit that. He didn’t want them-or anyone else- getting hurt.

“He wouldn’t have done all this if he didn’t remember,” Steve reasoned, half to himself, and Natasha shrugged.

“You know him better than I do,” she pointed out, and Steve frowned, feeling sort of like he was dying inside.

“Not anymore I don’t,” he muttered. “Not when he’s like this.” He ignored the questioning glance Natasha sent his way, and sank back on his heels, his shield resting on the ground. “Okay, I’m just going to go in,” he decided.

“Are you joking? He’s already tried to kill you-multiple times!” she exclaimed in outrage, and he moved to stand, but she grabbed his arm and jerked him back down, staring hard into his eyes.

“Natasha. I have to. He’s my best friend! If he’s still in there somewhere, and I know he is, then I have to try,” he pleaded, and she just looked back at him for a long moment before nodding once, and releasing her crushing grip on his wrist. With a deep breath, he got to his feet, and dropped the shield down at his side. Bucky had to know that he wasn’t a threat.

              +

Natasha had a bad feeling in her gut as Steve dropped the shield and began making his way to the doorway. She pulled out a pair of high-tech binoculars (made by Stark, of course) and levelled them so she could peer inside the building. They were pretty fucking awesome, she had to admit. Could see through concrete, detect life forms, and locate any hazardous threats. All while being small and compact, and not too flashy. Stark had a gift when it came to things like this.

She stared hard into the building, then froze. She briefly wondered if the tech was busted, but quickly dismissed the thought. Stark wouldn’t authorize the use of anything he wasn’t absolutely sure would hold up in combat. But what she saw was baffling, and the easiest explanation would be busted tech.

There was only one life form inside the building. A woman, by the looks of it, and she was tied to a chair. No Barnes in sight. Suddenly, a Red-Room lesson flooded into her memory (which was weird, since she usually suppressed them so efficiently). She remembered her bitch of a teacher explaining that a supposed hostage inside a building could lead the target inside. And then the assassin would take the shot through a window, while being perched in an advantageous spot in a nearby building. Or it would trigger a tripwire. But the tech didn’t warn her about any tripwires or explosives, which meant Barnes had to be waiting to take the shot from somewhere nearby.

She jumped up in alarm, her eyes wide as she whipped her head around to search for the glint of sunlight on metal, or on the barrel of a gun. It was no use warning Steve; if Barnes was going to take the shot, then a warning wouldn’t help. In fact, it’d probably just get him shot quicker. Her best chance was to find Barnes and take him out before he even realized something was amiss.

But before she had a chance to do anything, Steve came out of the building. She stared at him in shock, because he didn’t have a bullet hole in his head, and he was escorting the waitress out with him. She jogged over, worried, and paused in front of the spangly soldier. His eyes were crushed, and he was holding a sheet of paper limply in his hands. The waitress stumbled out of his grasp and into the arms of a SHIELD officer who was standing by. Natasha ignored them, because something was obviously written on that piece of paper that had made Steve look like that.

“What is it?” She kept her tone somewhat neutral, because she didn’t want him to feel pressured to share. Although she was curious. He held out the paper, his face blank, and she took it from him, turning it right-side up and quickly scanning the words. She finished reading, then dropped the paper and wrapped Steve in a hug. He went willingly, his arms dangling limply at his sides. She held him tight, rubbing his back soothingly.

“Natasha-” Steve choked out, and she just squeezed him harder.

“I know, sweetheart. It’s okay,” she murmured, but her words fell on deaf ears. Steve was sobbing quietly, and she understood that there was nothing she could do to console him. If it had been Clint, or Bruce instead of Bucky, she would feel the same way. And there was nothing anybody could say to reassure someone who had inexperienced this kind of heartbreak. She knew that, and just held him.

After several long moments, she felt something wet fall onto the top of her head. She pulled away slightly, her heart twisting at Steve’s choked protest, and glanced up. It had begun to rain- how fitting, she thought sardonically. She took Steve by the hand.

“Come on, Rogers. It’s time to go,” she told him softly. He didn’t move. “Nothing we can do now but get home. Tony is waiting for you, remember?” The name of the engineer seemed to revive Steve slightly, and he walked slowly- more like trudged- over to the truck, and she was grateful. Because she probably wouldn’t be able to move him on her own.

He climbed into the passenger seat, silent tears streaming down his face. She seethed, because there was truly nothing she could do for him but get him home to Tony.

“You guys will handle this, right?” Natasha asked in a low voice, speaking into her earpiece.

“Affirmative,” someone replied, and Natasha exhaled, nodding.

“Good.” She turned off the comm and wrenched the black tech out of her ear, tossing it into the backseat. Natasha started up the truck, and began driving home. On the pavement, the letter began dampening from the raindrops, forgotten. The ink bled, the words distorting, but they could still faintly be made out, the words that had broken Steve:

              Rogers,

              Stop looking. I don't want you to find me. I’m sorry, but the man you once knew is dead. Let it go, for my sake and yours.

              +

Tony was fixing himself a quick cup of coffee shortly after Steve left when the doorbell rang, echoing throughout the too quiet tower. He lifted his head in confusion, staring at the ceiling, the mug steaming hot in his hands.

“JARVIS, is the team back?” he asked the AI.

“No, sir,” JARVIS replied in his robotic voice. Tony raised an eyebrow, and connected the bracelets to his wrist just in case. After all, they had saved his life twice now. He padded across the floor and to the front, clad in only a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He opened the door, and was absolutely stunned to see Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes standing there, with his hands in his pockets. Tony’s mouth dropped open, and he pointed to the soldier, then at the tower, then back at the soldier.

“How- I- you… You’re supposed to be in a diner!” Tony accused, and Barnes shrugged. Tony just gazed at him like an idiot. For one, this was the guy Steve had raved about, and obsessed over since the events in Washington. Secondly, the man was absolutely fucking gorgeous by anyone’s standards. His dark brown hair was long, and choppy bits of bangs framed his face. Stubble lining his strong jawline indicated that he hadn’t shaved in a few days, which Tony found to be extremely sexy. But most sexy of all were those steely blue-gray eyes that stared at him evenly.

“May I come in?” Barnes asked in a quiet, rough voice. Tony blinked spastically, realizing that he was making a complete fool of himself. He moved out of the doorway, wondering what the hell was going on. Steve had told him about his old friend turned assassin, but Tony sure as hell never expected to be inviting him in the tower…all by himself. Not the smartest thing he’d ever done.

“Um, sure,” he offered, and the soldier carefully stepped inside, gazing about at the tower with sharp eyes. Tony shut the door, then turned to look at his…sort of boyfriend’s sort of best friend. Barnes was wearing a pair of dark jeans, a tight black t-shirt that clung to his chest, and a dog tag that caught the light as he moved. Tony couldn’t take his eyes off the metal arm, and his fingers started to twitch like they always did when there was a shiny new piece of tech. He mentally scolded himself. _Bad Tony! He’s just a human being…with a really pretty fucking arm, which was also very shiny…_

“I’m sure you know who I am,” Bucky suddenly spoke, and Tony found himself jumping a little. Not because he was staring, or anything.

“Of course,” Tony replied automatically. “James Barnes, AKA the Winter Soldier. I’m Tony Stark.” Barnes shot him a look that Tony couldn’t really interpret.

“Duh. I know you. Just because I didn’t think I was a person doesn’t mean I couldn’t pick up a magazine or watch the news,” Barnes returned. “In fact, I watched the news a lot.” Tony blinked, because he hadn’t exactly expected him to be so…vocal. Actually, he hadn’t expected Barnes to say anything more than he already had.

“Oh, right. What did you see?” Tony asked curiously. Barnes shrugged.

“You’re Iron Man. After you announced that bit to the world, they replayed it for months. Also, you have a very active sex life,” Barnes deadpanned. Tony bit back a grin, and decided then that he liked the soldier. Then he shook his head slightly, because he was probably being way too casual about this. Barnes was here, so he had to focus! What to say?

“So, you, uh, remember?” he questioned. Barnes’ eyes grew shadowed, and Tony instantly regretted the prodding inquiry.

“Yes,” he replied, a tinge of sadness coloring his tone. “I remember everything.” Tony nodded, not really knowing what else to do.

“Uh, that’s…good, I guess?”

“What happened to your arm?” Barnes suddenly asked, studying him curiously. Tony fought back a snort. A) He had practically invented the subject change, so he could easily recognize one. B) He could very well ask Barnes the same question. The metal arm was uncovered, and Tony could scarcely take his eyes off it.

“Eh, a building exploded and fell on me. No biggie,” he replied lightly, and Barnes nodded, then went back to staring at his surroundings. Tony was careful not to move too quickly, as he really didn’t want to startle The Winter Soldier and end up with a knife in his jugular.

“Nobody’s here, right?” Barnes suddenly demanded, turning on him, his handsome face suddenly tense. Tony shook his head, raising his hands in a ‘hey, I’m unarmed, so please don’t snap and try to kill me’ gesture.

“No, they’re all out. Steve is out, looking for you,” he added pointedly, and the Soldier’s face grew pained at the mention of his old friend’s name.

“Yeah, about that…I know it’s a lot to ask, but I would really appreciate it if you helped me out with something,” Barnes said in a low voice, casting his eyes down at the floor.

“What?” Tony replied, stepping closer to better hear him.

“I need someplace to stay while I…figure things out,” Barnes confessed hesitantly, and Tony found himself nodding vigorously.

“Sure, you can stay here as long as you want. So long as you don’t, you know, try to slit my throat while I’m sleeping,” he rambled, and silently cursed himself for most likely pissing off one super soldier with an alter ego…a deadly alter ego. But the soldier just glanced up at him, a trace of amusement in his stunning eyes, his lips quirked up in a crooked smile.

“Yes, that would be unfortunate,” he drawled, a slight Brooklyn accent coloring his tone, as opposed to the flat, cold voice that he’d been using so far. Tony returned the smile, and gestured down the hall.

“I can set you up your own room if you want,” he offered, and the soldier’s face darkened. Tony was having a bit of trouble keeping up with his rapid mood changes, and he wondered if this was how people felt around him. If so, he didn’t blame them for ignoring him most of the time.

“Here’s the thing,” Barnes began uncomfortably. “I purposefully lead Steve away from the tower so I could speak to you in private. I don’t want him to know I’m here just yet. At least not until I can recover a little bit and get a grip on things.” Tony frowned.

“You want me to hide the fact that I found his best friend from him? Well, actually, you kind of found me. But that might prove to be a little challenging. He’s always up in my business, nagging me and stuff,” Tony informed him very matter-of-factly, eliciting a chuckle out of the soldier.

“Always the mother hen. That’s why he can’t know yet. He’d suffocate me. I know he means well, believe me, but I just need a bit of time,” Barnes admitted softly. Tony nodded in understanding. He could relate to that pretty well. But the question still begged…

“Well, why me?” Tony had to ask. Barnes studied him.

“I’ve done my research,” Barnes explained. “You’re good at keeping secrets, and you’re an engineer. Just seemed like the best option.” Tony narrowed his eyes, wondering if he should be offended, then shrugged.

“Fair enough, Barnes.”

“You can call me Bucky,” Barnes offered, and Tony nodded, pleased that they were already at the first-name stage.

“Bucky. Sounds great. So, Bucky, you can probably hide out in my room, or in my lab if you want. Nobody goes there, usually.” Bucky smiled hesitantly, his eyes lighting up.

“You have a lab?” Tony grinned and nodded, excited that someone was finally appreciative of his glorious laboratory. “You really are Howard’s kid.” Tony’s smile tightened ever so slightly, but he tried not to let it show. It was a harmless comment, didn’t mean anything. He was _not_ like his father.

“I can show you. I’ll set you up a little makeshift room down there. I’ll have JARVIS lock the doors, and I can bring you down food,” he mused, stroking his jaw as he thought it through.

“JARVIS?” Bucky’s voice was sharp at the unfamiliar name. Tony laughed, running a hand through his hair. He had forgotten that not everybody has artificial intelligence in their tower.

“He’s the artificial intelligence. He knows everything that goes on in the tower, but he listens to me since I made him,” Tony explained reassuringly. “Nobody will know anything until you want them to.” A twinge of guilt shot through him, but he made an effort to ignore it. Yes, he would probably end up lying a lot to Steve, but in the long run, everyone would be better off. At least, that’s what he told himself.

“Oh. Cool,” Bucky muttered.

“So, why does Steve think you’re holding someone hostage at a diner ten minutes from here?” he inquired curiously. Bucky gave him a small smile, and rubbed his ear between his thumb and forefinger absentmindedly.

“I did take that girl hostage, sort of. I didn’t hurt her or anything. I just tied her to a chair inside and gagged her, and I put a note in her pocket that told Steve to stop looking, that he’s never going to find me, blah blah blah. Anyways, I just wanted to get them away from the tower and discourage them from searching anymore. I think it’ll do the job, but they should be back soon, if I’m not mistaken,” Bucky told him somewhat sheepishly. Tony shrugged.

“Good plan. And follow me,” he added, turning on his heel and leading the way down the hall to the elevator. He paused at the door, and gauged the super soldier’s reaction. His face had gone pale, and he was clenching his fists at his sides. “Don’t like elevators?” he guessed. Bucky shook his head with some embarrassment, his lips tight. Tony nodded. “Stairs it is.”

He led them down to the stairwell, which was rarely used since he repaired the elevator after the battle. He glanced at the flights of stairs queasily, thinking about how much it was gonna suck given his recent injuries. He hesitated, then gestured towards them. He knew what it was like to have a fear of tight spaces, though Tony had somewhat gotten over it, in the sense that he could force himself onto an elevator if he retreated into his happy place. But if this was what Bucky needed, then so be it.

And this was partly Tony’s fault, because while he didn’t distrust Bucky or anything, he still didn’t want to leave the man to go down the stairs on his own.

“You go first,” Tony muttered. Bucky gave him a curious glance, then shrugged and started descending the concrete staircase. Tony grabbed a tight hold onto the railing and slowly started the painful walk down. He hissed sharply as his side twisted uncomfortably, irritating the gash he had received.

“What’s up with you?” Bucky questioned, already at the bottom of the first flight. Tony panted from the exertion as he finally reached the bottom, a thin sheen of sweat coating his skin. The pain was incredibly potent.

“Yeah, the whole building explosion thing? It is kind of a big deal, as it only happened a few days ago. I’m technically still supposed to be on bedrest at the hospital,” he confessed through gritted teeth. Bucky frowned at him.

“Then we should have taken the elevator.” Bucky looked genuinely confused, and Tony leaned against the wall, holding up one finger.

“Just gimme a minute, will ya?” he muttered, breathing in and out unsteadily. When his side stopped screaming, and the pain ebbed away into a dull throb, he straightened up cautiously and fixed Bucky with his most confident stare, the one he usually reserved for business meetings. “Next flight, here we come!” Bucky shook his head, his eyebrows furrowing just like Steve’s did when he was worried. The resemblance between the two super soldiers in that one moment was uncanny.

“What hurts?” Bucky asked him in a surprisingly gentle tone, and Tony sighed.

“I have some stitches in my side,” he informed the soldier reluctantly. And at the sudden wetness there, he let out an irritated groan. “And I think I just tore them.” Bucky blinked.

“Then why did we take the stairs?”

“Tight spaces freak you out. I get that, and I wasn’t about to force you into a tiny elevator just cause some stairs might hurt a little,” he grumbled. He lifted his shirt slightly, and exhaled deeply at the fresh blood staining the bandages. “Well, that’s just perfect. I have a suture kit in my lab.” He made his way to the beginning of the next flight, and Bucky rolled his eyes, finally seeming to relax a little bit.

“God, for an alleged genius, you’re pretty dumb,” Bucky stated, and he stepped closer. “It would be easier if I just carried you.” Tony chewed his lip. Touch was still an issue for him, but he didn’t see how he had any other choice. Going back up the stairs would hurt worse, and the elevator would still bother the soldier.

“Fine,” he relented, tensing as Bucky wrapped an arm around his waist. The soldier seemed to notice Tony’s unease, and was gentle as he scooped him up, holding him loosely and at arm’s length away. The soldier quickly bounded down the three flights of stairs and lowered the engineer carefully.

“Thanks,” Tony muttered, his heart slowing down now that he wasn’t being touched. But a small part of him-very small- missed the warmth emanating from Bucky’s chest. He awkwardly held his side to staunch the blood flow, and gestured to the wide pane of glass that gave them a clear view of his lab. “There it is.” Bucky appraised it carefully.

“Kind of hard to hide behind clear glass,” he muttered, and Tony smirked.

“I have curtains, Bucky,” he told the soldier, and stared up at the ceiling as they neared the lab. “JARVIS, open up.” The sliding glass doors parted with a low gust of air, and Tony stepped inside, Bucky following closely behind. Tony spread his free arm.

“Ta-da!” he sang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you all think of my portrayal of Bucky? Does he seem too casual? I kind of figured he wouldn't come anywhere near Steve or the others until he was more himself, and he's already almost better. So, that's why he's chill.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony is way too casual about the whole Bucky thing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's a little shorter, but hey, at least it's on time :)

 

“I can’t believe this,” the Captain muttered for the thousandth time, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. He unscrewed the cap and tilted it back, taking a long drink. Natasha lounged against the kitchen counter, regarding him carefully with her cat-like green eyes.

“You’ve said that already,” she reminded him, a small smirk playing on her lips. He stared at her unhappily.

“It’s just… I’ve spent the last few months searching for him, Natasha. It’s been my one goal in life, to find my best friend and remind him who he is. Now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do, what to think,” he explained helplessly, running a hand tiredly over his face. Natasha scoffed, hopping up onto the counter and swinging her legs back and forth.

“Come on, Cap. Don’t give up just yet,” she encouraged him. “We still got time.” Steve shook his head dejectedly.

“I think he made himself pretty clear, Tasha. He doesn’t want to be found. He remembers, he just doesn’t care,” Steve mumbled, fixing his gaze on the floor. He tried to ignore the lump in his throat, the slump in his shoulders. His best friend was out there somewhere, alone, and it killed him.

“Make him care. Find him,” Natasha said seriously. “And in the meantime, tell me what’s going on with you and Stark.” Steve let out a mix between a chuckle and a sigh.

“We tried to talk this morning. I told him that he could either be open and tell me what the hell is holding him back, or he could just walk away completely. He opted for the second choice, obviously, because he can’t ever let anyone in. I kind of was in the middle of yelling at him when you walked in,” Steve confessed. Natasha was silent for a moment.

“What did you say to him?” she finally inquired. He shrugged.

“I asked him what the hell was wrong with him that he couldn’t let me in. He tried to tell me that he was just a bastard, but it was all just bullshit. He was trying to piss me off so I would walk away and he wouldn’t have to. I told him that he needed to give us a real try before he just assumed that I couldn’t handle whatever his demons are,” Steve told the red-headed master assassin matter-of-factly. She pursed her lips.

“I’m pretty good at reading people,” she began, her gaze thoughtful. “But I’ve never been able to get a good read on him. I think that since he’s spent his entire life in the spotlight, he’s so used to the mask he wears that he doesn’t know how to take it off. And I don’t know exactly what it is, but he’s got something riding on him that he can’t get rid of. I see it in his eyes sometimes, just a flash. He needs you, Steve.”

“Yeah, Steve,” Tony’s voice called, and the dark-haired engineer popped his head around the corner. “I need you.” Steve and Natasha both jumped in surprise, and Steve flushed lightly at being overheard. A brief flash of awe appeared on Natasha’s face; she wasn’t used to being snuck up on. But then her signature look of boredom returned, and Steve let out an exhausted sigh.

“Sure,” he muttered, and walked over to Tony, his chest feeling tight. Tony beckoned him, and he followed the engineer into the living room. Tony sat down on the couch, and patted the spot beside him. Steve searched his expression for any signs of anger or irritation at what Natasha had said, but Tony’s face was relaxed.

“So, what happened with Barnes?” he asked expectantly. Steve shrugged a little sadly.

“He left a note. Said to stop looking, that he didn’t want to be found,” he admitted in a low voice. Tony nodded, his brow furrowing in concern.

“I’m sorry. That sucks,” he murmured, and folded his hands together. He stared down at them for a moment, then his gaze flitted back up to study the soldier. “Are you giving up?”

“I don’t know. Maybe,” he replied, his shoulders slumped in grief. It was like losing Bucky all over again, only worse this time somehow. Maybe because he knew that Bucky was out there somewhere, and Steve couldn’t do anything to help him.

“Maybe just give it some time. You know, that sometimes works,” Tony advised, a slight edge to his tone. Steve glanced up at Tony curiously, wondering if maybe Tony wasn’t just talking about Bucky.

“So, about our talk earlier… I believe we were interrupted before you made your decision,” Steve prompted the engineer, gazing into Tony’s dark eyes with something close to desperation. He lost Bucky; he couldn’t lose Tony too. The engineer stared down at his lap, and something in his eyes looked like he expected to be yelled at.

“I understand why you’re upset,” Tony began nervously, wringing his hands together. God, those hands. “But what you’re asking me to do…will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve been hiding my past for so long that saying any of it out loud seems impossible. I’ve never trusted anyone enough to do that. With you, though… I think that one day I could. So if you’re willing to wait a little, then we can try.”

Steve allowed a small smile to spread across his lips, and he stared at the engineer with overwhelming affection. Tony looked incredibly vulnerable, triggering Steve’s protective nature. He reached out and grasped Tony’s hand tightly, meeting his eyes, which were starting to look hopeful.

“I can live with that,” Steve told him softly, and Tony smiled in relief, running his free hand through his hair. His arm was still bandaged, and Steve stroked the area just before the bandage started gently, rubbing soothing circles into the smooth skin. Tony let out a breathy laugh.

“That’s good to hear, Capsicle.” Steve’s eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly. He gazed at the mechanic questioningly.

“Why do you never call me by my name?” he asked. Tony frowned, cocking his head to the side like a puppy, which Steve found ridiculously adorable. He could already feel his mood brightening, which was one of the reasons he loved Tony. The engineer made everything brighter, a constant beacon of light in Steve’s life, even when everything else seemed dark and hopeless.

“What?” Tony asked, his dark eyes wide and solemn.

“It’s always ‘Captain,’” Steve tried to explain. “Or ‘Cap.’ Or ‘Capsicle.’ Never ‘Steve.’” Tony raised his eyebrows, and blinked as he considered. Then he shrugged.

“I guess it was my way of keeping you at a distance,” Tony muttered, looking slightly perturbed at the revelation. “But if you prefer Steve, then that’s okay.” Steve fought back a smile. He hoped that meant that the distance would be lessened, if not destroyed completely.

“Steve,” the super soldier confirmed.

“Steve,” Tony echoed, like he was testing how the word sounded in his mouth, causing Steve’s stomach to tighten. Hearing his name rolling off Tony Stark’s tongue, for the very first time, made it sound…better somehow. Melodious. Steve sucked in a sharp breath, causing Tony to glance up at him.

He stared adoringly at the dark-haired man and reveled in the fact that Tony was his. All of him. The good. The bad. Even if he didn’t know exactly what the bad was, Tony still was his. Steve traced the perfect features of Tony’s face, the dark, shining eyes that always seemed sort of far away, as if he was living in his own head. The moist, full lips that were reddened slightly from biting into them. The elegantly trimmed beard that outlined his strong jaw. The dark eyebrows, always lowered over his eyes in concentration, the full, dark lashes shielding his eyes as he looked downwards. The work-hardened muscles that rippled underneath his smooth tan skin.

God, he was so beautiful. Not just because of his appearance, though that certainly didn’t hurt. He was beautiful because of who he was. Sometimes, just watching him, Steve’s heart would swell in his chest with such overwhelming love that it would come close to pain. Love…

Steve loved him. He marveled at the realization. Totally and completely, he was in love with Tony Stark.

              +

“Steve,” Tony repeated, tasting the unfamiliar word. He had never said his name before, not even to Bruce or the team, to Tony he had always just been The Captain. But now…they were together and it was all okay. Tony felt like pinching himself to be sure he wasn’t dreaming. Part of him was terrified that he would wake up over the desk to Bruce or Steve shaking his shoulders, telling him to go upstairs and sleep, as they often did after he finally crashed.

It would make sense if this all was a dream. Tony couldn’t believe that someone like Steve actually existed. Growing up, he had heard the stories about the great Captain America, mostly from his dad when he was in one of his blind rages. Screaming about how Steve Rogers drove an airplane into the freezing ocean, sacrificing everything, and how Tony was such a disappointment. When Tony had first heard that Steve was back from the ice, he had felt a little furious that it didn’t happen sooner, when he was a kid. Then Howard would have focused on Steve and not paid attention to Tony. Because it was always worse when he paid attention.

Tony never dreamed that he would meet and fight alongside and live with Steve. All those hateful words on the Heli-carrier were just a result of years of pain at his father’s hand for not being like Captain America. Not at all because of Steve. But the Cap had been right in what he said about Tony, though Tony wished to Asgardian Gods that he wasn’t. He wished that he wasn’t hiding Bucky from him like some kind of scumbag. He was just letting Steve be heartbroken, but a part of him knew what Bucky needed, and that was somehow important to him, too.

And now, after everything, they were together. He cringed, imagining the venom-filled words that would slip from Howard’s mouth if he was alive, slicing into his heart as easily as barbed wire, and just as painful. But fuck Howard. Steve was with Tony. This gorgeous super soldier was his.

And gorgeous he was. His fine blond hair was slightly disheveled, and was falling onto his forehead in a slippery spray of bangs. His eyes, the bright blue hue that Tony had always been captivated by, were soft, gentle as they gazed at him. The hard planes of his jaw, the classic straight nose, the crease that formed between his brows when he was upset. His full pink-shaded lips, thick and parted slightly…

Tony didn’t know what he was doing until their lips connected in a frenzied flurry. He kissed the soldier passionately, pushing him down onto the couch and straddling him. Steve swiped his tongue along Tony’s lower lip, causing Tony to moan in want. The sound only seemed to encourage the soldier, and he let out a primal sort of growl that caused Tony’s stomach to tighten in a really, really good way.

Steve’s hands tangled in his hair, pulling roughly, and a pathetic mewl escaped him. Steve slid his mouth away, pressing hot kisses to his jaw, trailing along his neck, using the fist in his hair to pull the engineer’s head back so he could have better access. Steve flipped him so that he was on top, grinning down at Tony smugly, clearly asserting his dominance. Tony scoffed lightly as the soldier leaned down and recaptured his lips, their tongues battling for control. The soldier’s hands pushed up Tony’s shirt, sliding along his battle-hardened stomach, gripping almost painfully at his back.

“What the fuck?” Steve jerked back, his eyes wide with a mixture of alarm and amusement. Tony craned his head, peering up at the indignant archer from under one super soldier. Clint’s face was frozen in shock, and Tony shot him a cheeky grin.

“Hiya, Katniss,” Tony drawled, and Steve snickered, finally understanding the reference after Tony had forced him to watch the movie. Clint crossed his arms over his chest, attempting to look stern, but his eyes were shining with amusement. Tony idly wondered just how long the team had known about how Steve and Tony felt. It was before they themselves knew, of course.

“Hi, Hickey,” he nodded at Tony. “Hey, Captain Erection.” Steve flushed, smirking at the master assassin.

“Perhaps we should relocate,” Tony suggested. Steve nodded, then gracefully disengaged himself, standing fluidly. Tony struggled to his feet, his side burning a little from earlier. Bucky had helped stitch up the wound, under Tony’s careful instruction, though he himself had done most of the work. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, he was just trying to make sure that he was touched as little as possible. Nothing against Bucky, of course.

“Sorry about that, Clint,” Steve apologized, straightening out his disheveled clothing. Clint waved a dismissing hand.

“Eh, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you guys aren’t moping around anymore. And oh my god, I seriously couldn’t take any more longing glances out of you two. I swear, you two are exceptionally talented in the avoidance of feelings,” Clint huffed. Tony shot him a pointed look.

“Yeah. Nobody ever gets tired of you and Tasha’s looks,” he drawled. Clint blinked in surprise, because nobody ever dared call them out on their obvious feelings for one another. Tony decided that he should do it more often, especially if the knuckle-heads didn’t realize how much they loved each other. Clint gave them a half-smile and shrugged.

“Alright, you’ve made your point. Now go, and remember, kids,” Clint began solemnly, “ _always_ use protection.” Tony rolled his eyes, then laughed as Steve gripped his wrist and pulled him along to the bedroom. He realized that now he was more than a little okay with _Steve_ touching him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Drop a comment down below :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Bucky, more Steve, and more of Tony being Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legit have a wonderful excuse for being late, and it is that I was in the hospital. But I got out, so I'm posting. Lots of Bucky and Tony in this one, so, enjoy!

Morning arrived swiftly. Tony had lied awake most of the night, just staring into the darkness, illuminated by the muffled blue glow of his arc reactor. His thoughts raced a mile a minute, and despite his best effort, he couldn’t dispel the mounting headache that was growing behind his eyes. All he could think about was Bucky passed out downstairs, while he lied awake next to the man who couldn’t find out about him. He had almost reached an okay spot with Steve, and everything would have been perfect if it weren’t for this.

Even so, he couldn’t blame Bucky. He just needed a friend, and Tony was fully prepared to offer that. He related to that lost, hopeless feeling he had seen in Bucky’s eyes when the soldier admitted his current predicament, so he had no right to do anything less than everything he possibly could.

Steve mumbled something in his sleep, something that sounded a lot like his name, and the arm tightened around his waist. Unexpected warmth rushed through him; here he was in bed with the most gorgeous man on earth. And all he could think about was how lucky and undeserving he was.

“G’morning,” Steve rumbled in his ear, and Tony realized that he was awake.

“Good morning,” he whispered back, smiling when he felt lips press softly against his throat. “Steve.” A low growl rose in the blond super soldier’s throat, and he swiftly flipped the engineer onto his back, pinning Tony to the bed. Steve was wide awake now, his blue eyes bright with amusement.

“You have no idea,” Steve murmured unevenly, “what that does to me.” Tony grinned up at him, his thoughts racing at the possibilities of this newfound power.

“Shall I call you Captain, then?” Tony asked coyly, reaching up and threading his fingers through Steve’s soft blond hair. The Cap slowly leaned down, lightly brushing his lips against Tony’s. A shiver ran through the engineer, and he squirmed, his cheeks flushed with want.

“Definitely not,” Steve breathed, and Tony nodded.

“Alright, Steve.” The blond super soldier kissed him roughly, his hands tangling in the engineer’s hair in a way that Tony was beginning to recognize and love. He nipped lightly at Steve’s lower lip, pleased when the soldier groaned in pleasure.

“Oh, god!” Pepper’s voice cried in surprise. Steve jerked away with a low curse, and Tony peered up at the feisty redhead standing in the doorway with an open mouth. Dammit, this was the second time in the span of 24 hours that he and Steve had been caught making out, and he was really getting fed up with it. He was in his room, for Christ’s sake!

“Language,” Tony reminded the soldier with a grin, then turned sheepishly to the shocked red-head. “Hey, Pep. How’s it going?” He got to his feet unsteadily, his side still raw from the day before. She blinked, then strode towards him with watery eyes. Tony expected her to slap him like she usually did when he unnecessarily risked his life, so he was fairly surprised when she threw her arms around him. He hesitantly returned the embrace, stroking her hair reassuringly.

“It’s okay, Pep,” he told her kindly. She pulled away, and then slapped him hard, hard enough that his head jerked to the side. It stung, because he had taught her how to throw a hit, but it was surprisingly reassuring. He couldn’t hold back his smile, and glanced down at her in amusement. “That’s more like it,” he said with a wink. She glared at him.

“What the hell were you thinking?” she shouted. He winced, and massaged his temples.

“You’re right, Pepper. Next time I think your life is in danger, I’ll just kick back and have a martini,” he drawled.

“This isn’t about that, and you know it! You always do shit like this. It’s like you’re eager to die, like you think your life isn’t important enough to protect! Why do you think I left after you tried to-“

“That’s enough, Pepper,” he cut her off with brutal precision, his blood running cold. He knew exactly where she was going with it, and he really didn’t need another “talk” with Steve. She exhaled heavily, her cheeks flushed with passion.

“Alright, Tony. You don’t want him to know,” she started, jerking her head at Steve, “that’s your business. But if you make him deal with what I had to, I’ll kick your ass, I swear to god.” The threat did not fall onto deaf ears. Tony never wanted to do to Steve what he had done to Pepper. A shudder ran through him as he remembered the way she screamed when she found him, halfway out in a pool of his own blood. He still had the pale slashes on his wrists.

“Alright, Pepper,” he agreed hastily. The redhead nodded tightly, her arms crossed over her chest.

“I’ll see you at breakfast,” she responded, and with a polite nod at Steve, left the room, her heels clacking against the wood. Tony turned to Steve with a tentative smile.

“Glad we got that out of the way!” he exclaimed. Steve was frowning at him, that familiar worried crease appearing between his eyebrows.

“What did she mean?” he questioned, but there was a sort of hopelessness to his tone. It was as if he knew that the engineer couldn’t, or wouldn’t answer; he wasn’t wrong.

“Another time, okay?” Tony appraised the soldier cautiously. One of these days he feared that all the unanswered questions would be too much for the soldier to handle. But then again, that would be for the best, wouldn’t it? A large part of him wanted Steve to leave, the darker part; the one that was full of regret and pain and self-loathing. But then there was that small part that cried out a protest whenever he did something to push the super soldier away. That part that was begging Tony to just stop, just let him in. Steve studied him for a moment, then shrugged.

“Okay.” Tony breathed out a little sigh of relief. He wasn’t strong enough to keep the soldier at bay like he had been all these months since they met. Steve moved over to him and gently clasped his hands, and Tony held his gaze as he pressed a soft kiss onto the back of each.

“I meant what I promised you,” Tony said suddenly. “I will get to a place where I can be open, okay? It might just take a little while.” Steve nodded.

“I know. This is enough, for now.”

~

Tony had to congratulate himself; this was a pretty well-thought out plan. A way to both appease Steve and be a good host to Bucky. From now on, whenever he didn’t feel like eating, he could just bring whatever food Bucky wanted down to the lab and then carry the empty dish out, pretending he had eaten it himself. It was genius!

This morning, Natasha had made pancakes, and while normally this would have been an awesome treat, he had just had pancakes at Denny’s. Thus, he held his serving in his hands. He had generously piled on five pancakes, knowing that the serum affected the appetite of the recipient, and a decent amount of bacon, eggs, fruit, and the like.

He strolled into the lab with the plate in his hands, attempting to look as non-threatening as possible. No need to end up with a knife to the face this early in the morning.

“Bucky, it’s me,” he called. “I brought breakfast.” The soldier was already awake, watching a movie or something on a StarkTablet that he had given him. To his delight, Bucky was fairly tech savvy, so he already understood how to work the thing. Bucky glanced up at him, and paused the movie.

“Thanks,” Bucky said as he handed him the plate. Tony had arranged a pretty awesome “room” down here. He had a couch, a television, a coffee table, a rug, and a whole bunch of other stuff. It looked pretty great. The power of IKEA!

“How was the first night on the couch? Did you sleep okay?” Tony asked him, taking a seat on the armchair. Bucky picked up the fork and dug in.

“Uh-huh,” Bucky mumbled around the pancakes, and Tony gazed at him sympathetically. Nightmares were something they both shared; it takes one to know one. “Hey, you already ate, right?” The concern in the question took Tony by surprise. Then he almost laughed, because apparently Steve and Bucky were more alike than he thought. Luckily, his plan was still flawless.

“Yeah,” he lied. “I ate upstairs with the team.” Bucky nodded his approval, then resumed eating. He crossed his ankles, resting the plate on his lap.

“How’s Steve?” Bucky asked casually, keeping his eyes trained on the pancakes. A twinge of guilt shot through the engineer.

“Peachy,” Tony replied, racking his brain for a safe detail to share with the soldier. He didn’t want to risk Bucky being upset over their relationship. Did Bucky even know that Steve liked guys? Was that a thing back then?

“What is he like now?” Bucky abruptly blurted. Tony blinked, then shrugged.

“I don’t know what he was like back then, but he’s pretty cool. Very…protective. Sucks with technology,” he supplied, and Bucky glanced up at him with a lopsided grin.

“I can imagine,” he drawled. There was a pause. “Do you like him?” Tony exhaled, and stretched out on the chair. How to answer that?

“I didn’t when we first met. Thought he was a bit uptight,” he replied, scratching his head uncomfortably. It was true, but that wasn’t the main reason. After years of being screamed at and berated for not being as good as Captain America, he had grown to resent any and everything to do with Steve Rogers. But then he had come to realize that it wasn’t the soldier’s fault. It was Tony’s, for not being good enough.

“And now?” Bucky was leaning forward, his handsome face intrigued.

“Now we get along great. We still fight occasionally, over small things, but we’re friends,” Tony said awkwardly. Bucky nodded, thankfully not picking up on Tony’s anxiety.

“I’m sorry that you have to hide me from him,” the soldier apologized, but Tony waved him off.

“Eh, it’s okay. I’m good at it.” He stood quickly, not wanting to get into things just then. “So, how are you adjusting?”

“Awesome, thank you. This set up is nice,” Bucky said appreciatively, and Tony grinned.

“Good. Okay, JARVIS will notify me if you need anything, alright? The team might get suspicious if I stay down here too long,” Tony said, then paused, and chuckled. “Wait, what am I saying? Nevermind, I can stay. They’ll be surprised if I _don’t_ spend all day down here.” He reclaimed his seat, and kicked his feet up, reclining the chair. Bucky smiled.

“Do you do anything besides science?” he asked. Tony scoffed, grabbing his StarkTablet from the coffee table.

“Of course. I… drink lots. And watch movies. And, oh! I save the world!” he declared triumphantly, furiously working out the complications of his latest project.

“Do tell,” Bucky encouraged. Tony grinned, and story time commenced.

              +

Steve tried not to feel too disappointed when Tony disappeared into the lab with his breakfast, tossing a few excuses over his shoulder. He wondered if it was his fault, for being so awkward around Pepper. The relationship between the two was over, he knew, but he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he still had feelings for the feisty redhead.

He idled over his plate, not in any rush to finish; he didn’t really have any plans for the day. Bruce and Pepper were engaged in an animated conversation, and at the look in both of their eyes, decided that maybe he didn’t need to worry about Pepper and Tony. Bruce’s face was alight with excitement, and he said something that made her laugh. It was nice seeing Bruce happy for once, instead of just staying quiet as he often did.

Thor was contentedly munching on some pop-tarts: the only food he really ate since he discovered them. He stuffed half of a chocolate one into his mouth, then drank generously from a tall glass of milk. He wore regular clothes, jeans and a plaid button-down, and it was still strange seeing him in anything but his armor.

Clint and Natasha were in the midst of a mild food fight, laughing and ducking away from the syrup-drenched pancake bites. It was easy-going now, but he knew if nothing intervened, it would get serious really fast. He stood, not too eager to be caught in the middle of another full on food fight. The last one, dubbed ‘The Great Food War of the Tower,’ had catastrophic effects.

On one side, there was Natasha, Bruce, and Thor. The other consisted of Tony, Clint, and himself. In the end, they stood in the food-coated living room and decided that in the interest of preserving the tower, it would be best if they called a truce. He had been washing icing out of his hair for weeks.

“Hey, whatcha doing today, Stevie?” Clint mumbled around a mouth-full of pancakes. Steve shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he replied. Clint’s eyes lit up, and Steve immediately guessed that mischief and chaos would ensue.

“I have had an idea,” the archer proclaimed ominously, clapping his hands together.

“What is it this time?” Natasha asked with a good-natured groan. The rest of the team halted their conversations, glancing at Clint wearily.

“Let’s go to the beach!” Clint cried. Natasha looked surprised, as did the rest of the team. Clint’s ‘ideas’ were usually a lot more destructive and mischievous that a day at the beach.

“Well, that does sound kind of fun,” Steve admitted, thumbing his lower lip thoughtfully.

“YES!” Thor roared, raising an enthusiastic fist. “Let us have a day filled with sand and water games!” Bruce smiled, glancing at his bright-eyed companion.

“Pepper, would you like to come?” he asked, kind of shyly.

“Sure, I have the day off,” she replied in her calm voice, returning his smile encouragingly.

“Alright. Beach day it is,” Steve decided. “We’ll leave in a half hour. Everyone, be sure to pack sunscreen and towels and snacks.” Natasha smirked at him.

“Sure thing, Captain,” she drawled, snapping a salute. Then she grabbed Clint by the wrist and tugged him out of the room, sprinting to the elevator to pack. Steve headed down to the lab to ask Tony if he wanted to come.

              +

“Sir, Captain Rogers is at the door,” JARVIS suddenly spoke, shattering the serene silence in the lab. Tony and Bucky had been happily passing the morning with light chitchat and science, though the conversations had ceased once they both became absorbed in their work. The only sounds had been the quiet scratch of Bucky’s charcoal pencil across his sketchpad, and the tiny metal pieces the engineer was tinkering with.

And now shit had definitely hit the fan. Tony’s head snapped up in alarm, and he met the soldier’s panicked eyes. Tony pointed wildly to the couch.

“Get behind it, don’t make a sound. I’ll handle this,” he barked out, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Bucky darted behind the furniture, his face tense and a little bit scared. He wasn’t ready, and Tony understood that. He did a quick 360 to make sure there was no incriminating evidence lying around, then took a deep breath.

“Okay, JARVIS, let him in,” Tony instructed. The doors slid open, and Steve stood there patiently, a small smile playing over his lips.

“Hey, Tony,” Steve greeted him cheerfully, and Tony was relieved to find no suspicion in his eyes.

“Hey, Steve,” Tony replied unthinkingly, and immediately regretted it. He hadn’t told Bucky about them yet, and he had momentarily forgotten what his name did to the soldier. Steve’s eyes darkened as he stepped forward and yanked the engineer close, capturing his lips in a hungry kiss. Tony’s hands involuntarily fisted in the Captain’s shirt, and he let out a quiet moan, melting against the blond Adonis. He knew that Bucky was there, probably freaking out, but the second their lips touched, he couldn’t care less. When they broke away, he blinked, gazing at Steve with wide eyes.

“Wow. Um, hi. How’s it going?” he stammered, and Steve grinned.

“Great. We decided to go to the beach for the day. I wanted to know if you’d like to come,” Steve informed him in a hum, massaging the engineer’s lower back. Tony swallowed, his heart pounding from being in such close proximity to the man he was… infatuated with, at the least.

“Uh,” he stalled, glancing back at the couch to make sure that Bucky was safely hidden. “Who else is going?”

“Bruce, Natasha, Thor, Clint, and Pepper is going to tag along as well. We leave in a half hour,” Steve told him. He nodded.

“Alright. Gimme ten minutes, okay?” Steve smiled.

“Sure thing. It’ll be fun, don’t worry,” he promised, and turned to leave. “Oh, by the way, I think Bruce and Pepper might have a thing for each other,” he added. Tony’s eyes widened, and a shit-eating grin split his face.

“Seriously? That’s awesome! I ship it!” Tony exclaimed, genuinely excited at the prospect of his two friends dating. Steve shot him a smile, and Tony watched him go with a smirk, his eyes flitting down to stare at his boyfriend’s fine ass. Once the door had shut behind him, Tony practically ran over to the couch. Bucky rose unsteadily, his face bewildered.

“Buck, I’m so sorry. I should have told you, but I didn’t want to freak you out. I mean, I knew you’d probably be freaked out either way, but I figured it would go over better if I told you with him,” Tony babbled in a rush, bracing himself for a pissed off HYDRA assassin, but the soldier just regarded him in confusion.

“You two are… together?” he asked, his eyebrows raised. Tony bit his lip, and nodded.

“Uh-huh. It’s sort of new right now. I’m sorry?” he offered. Bucky shook his head mutely, looking strangely…disappointed?

“Uh… no, don’t be sorry. It’s cool. Just… unexpected. So, who were all those people he listed?” Tony noted the obvious attempt at changing the subject, as he was the King of subject changing, but let him get away with it. He probably just needed a minute to wrap his head around everything.

“The other Avengers. They live here too,” Tony explained. Bucky cocked his head adorably, like a playful puppy dog, only much more lethal.

“What are _they_ like?” Bucky asked, a slight tinge of awe in his voice. Tony realized that he was probably lonely, cooped up in here with no one to talk to but him.

“They’re… a handful,” Tony began with a chuckle. “Like children without parental supervision, is the most apt way I can describe them. Bruce is a really good friend. He’s almost as science-y as I am. He’s also kinda dangerous, since he could Hulk out at any moment- I assume you know about the Hulk, right?” At Bucky’s nod of affirmation, he continued.

“Thor is from another world caused Asgard, and he’s the God of Thunder. Very enthusiastic, and an extreme pop-tart lover. It was his brother, Loki, who caused the alien invasion of New York.” Tony quickly moved on, feeling sort of queasy at the thought of the portal opening in the sky.

“Natasha is beautiful, but sort of terrifying. She was raised to be a master assassin, and now she works for SHIELD. You know, I think you’ve already sort of met her. But that was back when you were all Winter Soldier-y. You shot her in the stomach, which probably didn’t make the best first impression…” Noticing the sick look on Bucky’s face, he plunged on.

“And Clint also works for SHIELD. He’s also a master assassin, and a pretty damn perfect shot with a bow. But he’s also extremely mischievous. One quickly learns to keep one’s eyes on him all the time. And yeah, that’s the team. Oh, and Pepper. She’s not a part of the team. She worked for me back when I was the CEO of Stark Industries, but then I kinda gave her my company, but I was dying, so I think it was justified…”

“Wait, what?” Bucky demanded, blinking rapidly. Tony flushed.

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to tell you that part. It was nothing. I’m all better now,” he said. Bucky frowned.

“No, seriously. What happened?”

“Um… how about when I get back? It’s kind of a long story,” Tony said apologetically. Bucky studied him for a moment, then shrugged.

“Fine. But I’ll hold you to it. Have fun,” Bucky told him, and Tony was momentarily taken aback by the sentiment.

“Yeah, thanks. You too. Call me if you need anything.” He left quickly, and took the elevator up to his room. After rooting through his closet, he found a pair of black swim trunks, and put them on. He also threw on a sports shirt, not prepared to answer the questions that would inevitably arise at the sight of his heavily scarred torso. Finally, he threw some sunscreen, a towel, and a science fiction novel in his bag. Then, with a chuckle, he tossed in a StarkTablet, because he was Tony fucking Stark.

He strolled out of the room and down to the elevator, where he ran into Bruce.

“Hey, Brucie-Bear,” Tony said, and the scientist nodded at him.

“Hey,” he mumbled. The curly-haired man was shifting from foot to foot, glancing at him and then quickly looking away. Tony scoffed.

“Oh, c’mon. Cut the crap, Brucie. I don’t care if you have a thing for Pepper. I encourage it, actually. So don’t get all awkward or anything, because we’re science bros,” Tony proclaimed, and Bruce blushed.

“Oh. Okay. Thanks, I guess,” Bruce said, and Tony smiled.

“You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what'd you think? Drop a comment down below! Reviews make me happy :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm sort of dissatisfied with this chapter, but I procrastinated in the editing and I don't want to be late, so here it is. Bucky and Tony bonding, and a surprising bout of honesty from everyone's favorite Genius-Billionaire-Playboy-Philanthropist. Also, beach shenanigans.

The drive out to the beach would be a long one. They could somewhat handle living in the tower together because when someone (mostly Natasha) got annoyed, he or she could leave rather than do or say something that they would regret. But all six Avengers, plus Pepper, crammed into a van was a recipe for disaster. Or, at least that’s what Steve thought to himself as he ducked into the vehicle.

Turns out he was wrong, though. Sitting next to the man he loved, their knees brushing together at every swerve or turn, made the drive tolerable for Steve. He reached out and clasped Tony’s hand, smiling when those brown orbs connected with his. Along with his obsession with the engineer’s hands, he really loved his eyes. Dark, deep, thoughtful, always a little misty. And as of recently, the affection in them was breathtaking.

“Let’s play a little game,” Clint suddenly intoned, and Natasha pointed at him and chuckled. At Thor’s perplexed look, Steve eagerly jumped in. This was a reference he understood.

“It’s from a scary movie. There’s this guy called Jigsaw, and he kidnaps people and puts them through trials that test their desire to live. He targets people he thinks need to be taught a lesson,” Steve explained. Tony gasped theatrically.

“ _You_ watched that?” he demanded incredulously. Steve smiled sheepishly, pleased that he had managed to surprise Tony rather than the other way around.

“Yeah,” Steve replied nonchalantly, lifting a shoulder. “It was pretty horrific.” Tony just shook his head in disbelief.

“Captain America watching _Saw_ ,” he muttered, chuckling to himself. “How scandalous.” Steve had to agree that it wasn’t exactly up his alley. But he had enjoyed the film nonetheless. Just because he was from the 40s didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate the fact that the times had changed.

“So, what game, Clint?” Bruce broke in, interrupting Steve’s thoughts.

“Guess the animal! I used to play it all the time on road trips. Basically, someone thinks of an animal, and the others ask questions to try to guess what it is,” Clint informed them. Tony shrugged.

“Alright. Sounds fun. Who wants to start?” the engineer asked.

“Well, since I had the idea,” Clint hedged. Tony laughed, a wonderful sound that filled Steve’s stomach with happy butterflies.

“Fine, then you start,” he decided.

“Okay, I am thinking of an animal,” Clint announced unnecessarily. Steve smiled, leaning forward. He was intrigued despite himself. His competitive nature was taking over, and a desire to win was pooling in his gut.

“Is it a land animal?” Bruce inquired, pushing his glasses up his nose. The archer smiled mysteriously, and it occurred to Steve that Natasha might have an unfair advantage, seeing as how she was trained in the art of detecting lies, and microscopic twitches in others’ facial expressions.

“Yes.”

“Is it big or small?” Natasha asked, her normally bored expression replaced by one of interest. She never could stay away from a game or challenge. Steve watched her closely for any indication that she knew what animal Clint was thinking of, but it was futile, because she wouldn’t give anything up, and if she knew she would just say so anyways.

“Big for its kind, but small in comparison to other animals,” Clint answered, sounding gleeful.

“What color is it?” Steve piped up.

“Brownish,” Clint answered. Natasha sighed exaggeratedly, causing Clint to glance at her questioningly.

“Is it a bird?” she asked. Clint’s shoulders slumped, and he glared at the redhead sullenly. The disappointment on his face was so genuine that Steve burst out laughing.

“IS IT A HAWK, MY BIRD FRIEND?!” Thor shouted excitedly, and Tony jumped like a foot in the air, causing Steve to laugh even harder.

“Yeah,” Clint muttered. “You all suck. Okay, Thor, since you guessed it, it’s your turn now.” Thor smiled in delight, rubbing his jaw as he considered.

“Okay, I’ve got one,” Thor said.

“Is it a land animal?”

“Yes.”

“Big or small?”

“Huge!” The questions continued, and everyone grew frustrated quickly. Thor was just smiling, pleased that his turn was taking a while.

“Alright!” Tony eventually snapped, holding up his hands. “We need to pool our resources! Collaboration time! Here’s what we know: It is a land animal, it’s big, it has antlers, but it’s not a moose, it has scales, but it’s not an alligator, it has yellow eyes, it’s mostly green, it _does_ actually exist, and it has hooves. Did I miss anything?”

“They eat people,” Natasha reminded him. Tony nodded.

“Yes. So what could it be?” There was a moment of silence as everyone considered, then Clint threw up his hands.

“I give up!” Clint cried. “You win, Thor! Now tell me what it is!”

“You all give up?” Thor demanded smugly.

“Yes,” the team chorused, but Tony was stubbornly silent, crossing his arms defiantly. They all turned to glare at him, and he narrowed his eyes. Steve found it more adorable than threatening.

“Fine. I give up. What is it?” Tony ground out furiously, and Steve just smiled at him adoringly. It wasn’t often that Tony Stark came across a puzzle he couldn’t solve. He could imagine the engineer’s frustration

“Bilgesnipe!” Thor declared triumphantly, and Steve gazed at him in open-mouthed shock. After a moment of stunned silence, the backseat erupted into chaos. There was a cacophony of indignant shouts, Tony’s being the loudest.

“What the fuck is a ‘bilgesnipe?!’” Tony roared. Thor blinked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Bilgesnipe,” he repeated, as if waiting for something. When no recognition came, he elaborated, looking slightly perturbed. “Huge, scaly, big antlers. You don’t have those?”

“No, Sherlock, we don’t!” Tony was beyond irritated, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing.

“Oh, yes, I remember now. Son of Coul said you didn’t,” Thor recalled with a frown. Steve glanced over at Tony, knowing how much Coulson’s death had affected him. The engineer’s eyes were flat, his lips tightened into a hard line.

“Maybe we should play a different game,” Steve suggested cautiously. Clint shrugged.

“We’re almost there anyway. Right, Pepper?” The redhead nodded in affirmation, not taking her eyes off the road. The group dissolved into separate conversations; Clint and Natasha conversed in the secretive whispers they always used, Bruce (who sat in the passenger seat) talked to Pepper, and Thor fiddled with his cell phone that Tony had given him. Steve turned to his love with a small smile gracing his lips.

“Hey, Tony,” he said in a soft voice. The mechanic returned his smile easily.

“Hey, Steve,” he replied with a grin, dropping a mischievous wink. Steve fought the urge to pin him down and ravish his lips, instead settling for a squeeze of his hand. For the next ten minutes, they just talked, and there were no problems or confrontations, no complicated feelings. It was wonderful.

“We’re here!” Pepper finally announced, and pulled the car to a stop. She unbuckled her seatbelt and hopped out, sliding open the door for the rest of the team. Steve climbed out behind Tony, his eyes flitting down of their own accord to marvel at the engineer’s glorious bottom.

They strolled down to the sand, carrying their bags and laughing as Clint goofed around with Natasha. The only time she ever genuinely smiled was with the archer, and it warmed Steve to think that two of his friends were on the way to finding love. Then there was Pepper and Bruce, and though he wasn’t entirely sure how that was going to work out, he was excited about it. All the things Pepper loved about Tony could be found in the curly-haired scientist. And all the things she didn’t like weren’t there.

Steve, on the other hand, loved everything about the dark-haired engineer, and there wasn’t anything he would change if given the opportunity. Except, of course, he’d erase some of his suffering.

+

Once the umbrella was set up and the towels were laid down, the mayhem began. Thank God the beach was practically empty, because there would otherwise be some very indignant beach-goers. The instant they were finished, Clint took off for the water, stripping off his purple shirt as he went and tossing it behind him. Thor followed, both whooping in excitement as they reached the ocean.

Tony plopped down onto his towel and stretched out, sliding a pair of sun-glasses onto his face. He pulled out his StarkTablet and quickly opened numerous files to keep himself busy. However, he was distracted when Steve pulled his blue muscle shirt over his head, tossing it into his bag and sitting down beside Tony. Steve’s chest, god help him, was the most magnificent thing Tony had ever seen. Muscular, tanned, smooth… he felt like one of those drooling mutts in a cartoon.

The engineer, on the other hand, kept his shirt on, hyper-aware of the pale white scars crisscrossing his upper back, and the various others marring his skin. Some of them were achieved in battle, but others were received at the hands of his torturers in Afghanistan, or by his father. Nobody would buy it if he told them the whip marks were sustained in battle, or the cigarette burns. Those were all thanks to Howard.

“You don’t want to go swimming?” Steve suddenly asked. Tony glanced over at him, and shrugged.

“Nah. Think I’ll follow their example and work on my tan,” Tony replied, gesturing to where Pepper and Natasha were both lying on their backs nearby. Pepper wore a light green bikini, and she looked gorgeous. Natasha wore a black bikini that emphasized her perfect curves, but somehow Tony didn’t find himself checking them out. His attention was captured wholly by Steve Rogers.

“You already are tanned,” Steve pointed out with a light chuckle, and Tony just smirked.

“It’s just an excuse so he can work,” Bruce teased, his eyes warm. Tony stuck his tongue out at him, and resumed his work, determined to get stuff done. Next to him, Steve pulled out his book and flipped to the dog-eared page, quickly becoming absorbed in the World War 2 fiction Tony had recommended.

“Holy crap, the water is great!” Clint exclaimed upon returning, collapsing onto his towel nearby with a gasp. “Cold, but great!” He was soaked, and his hair dripped water down into his eyes. Thor toweled off his wet chest with a grin.

“Cold! You humans are so fragile!” he taunted them, and Natasha frowned at him.

“Are not!” she protested. Thor shrugged with a knowing look in his eyes. He was trying to goad her into getting in the water, Tony quickly surmised.

“Well, I don’t see you getting in the water, little spider girl,” Thor said, confirming the engineer’s suspicions. The indignant redhead got to her feet with a scowl, and stalked off to the water. Thor followed her eagerly, and Clint chuckled.

“Can’t believe she fell for that. He just wants someone to play water tag with.”

“Why don’t you go play with him?” Pepper asked, sitting up.

“Thor is way too competitive. Tasha is as well, though, so they can trash-talk each other,” he huffed.

“I’ll play as well. I’ll be on Thor’s team,” Bruce decided, his face lighting up at the prospect of a game. Tony was mildly surprised, as Bruce usually abstained from activities that could get his heart rate up.

“Well, I guess I can handle being on Tasha’s team. Thor’s trash talk is barely understandable,” Clint said with a chuckle. It was true. The God spoke like Shakespeare when he got worked up.

“I think I’ll join them,” Steve decided, and got to his feet. He turned to the engineer, looking at him with those ridiculously blue eye. “You want to come?”

“No thanks, I’m good,” Tony replied happily. Clint arched an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his gray eyes.

“You scared of getting pummeled, Stark?” he challenged, and Tony narrowed his eyes at the childish goad.

“In your dreams, Barton. I just don’t feel like swimming,” he defended himself.

“Come on! The teams are uneven! Just suck it up!” Clint exclaimed irritably. Tony opened his mouth, a scathing retort ready on his lips, but then Natasha returned, something close to happiness on her face. She shook out her damp hair, sending droplets of water flying. Thor came up behind her, smiling smugly.

“Let’s go, boys. The water’s great!” she cried.

“Stark doesn’t feel like it,” Clint said in a mocking voice. Tony shot him a look, and Natasha turned to him, eyebrows raised.

“Why not? Something wrong?” she inquired in her neutral voice. Tony just shrugged, his heartrate picking up at the thought of the water.

“No,” he denied, he voice sounding slightly strangled. Clint grinned.

“Maybe he needs a little help,” he suggested, and Tony shook his head, eyes wide. He began to protest, but Thor and the archer grabbed him and lifted him over their heads.

+

Steve watched, a bad feeling of premonition growing in his gut, as they lifted a protesting Tony over their heads. Pepper immediately jumped up and followed them down to the water, yelling at them to let him go.

“Come on, guys, put him down. Stop it!” she cried. Steve trailed behind them, unsure of whether or not Tony was okay. He was shouting at Clint and Thor to put them down, but there was something off in his voice. The god and the archer waded into the water, and Tony’s face paled, his eyes changing to that of a cornered animal. Before Steve could stop them, they dumped the engineer into the ocean.

They were laughing for a second, but that all changed the second the tortured scream tore out of Tony’s throat.

+

When Clint and Thor carried him into the water, Tony’s heart dropped into his stomach. He stared at the waves, nausea rolling through him. _I am not going in there_ , he thought. _I am not going in there. I am not-_

_Strong hands pushed his head roughly under the water, holding him under despite his thrashing efforts to escape. His eyes were streaming with tears at the crushing pain in his lungs. His chest ached and he accidentally inhaled a lungful of water, burning his throat and nose. He fought desperately, kicking and screaming, but still they held him down._

_Eventually, his vision started going dark, and he stilled. It was no use. They always pulled him out at the last second, only giving him a few moments before plunging him back in, leaving the engineer half-drowned, shivering, aching. It wasn’t worth it anymore; maybe he should just give up. Then, they yanked him back and he collapsed onto the hard, dirt-packed floor of the cave. He coughed out about a cup of water, gasping for breath._

_One of the terrorist grabbed a fistful of his hair, dragging him back over to the trough of water and pushing him down._

_“No, please, stop! I can’t do this anymore! Please, don’t, oh, god, no more!” he moaned brokenly._

_“Tony!” the terrorist shouted, but it was wrong. It wasn’t the rough bark he’d grown accustomed to; it was a calming voice, a familiar voice._

_“Snap out of it, Tony!” another one, a female, commanded. “You are at the beach with your friends. Whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real. You’re safe. Okay?”_

With a wild gasp, his eyes flew open, and he peered groggily at the blurry faces hovering over him. His vision cleared after a few blinks.

“Steve?” he rasped, looking at the blond super soldier in confusion. He glanced around, and discovered that he was soaked to the bone, lying on the sand, surrounded by the team and Pepper.

“Tony, you’re okay,” Steve soothed him, and the engineer’s eyes widened in horror and realization _. Oh, no_. He felt sick. They had _seen_ him, screaming at people who weren’t really there. He was most vulnerable during a flashback and they had seen. He felt raw, exposed.

He scrambled back out of the team’s reach and turned away. He pretended not to see the concern and sympathy in their eyes; Tony resented it. Didn’t deserve it. He stood on shaky legs, and Steve stepped closer, his hands up in a calming gesture.

“Tony, what’s wrong?” Steve asked in an even voice. Tony stumbled to the side, bent over, and threw up. When he was sure there was nothing left in his stomach to remove, he tapped his bracelet once to summon the suit. It flew at him in pieces from the back of the van, a safety measure he had taken just in case. He ignored the team’s mingled protests and took off into the sky, blasting towards home.

+

Bucky tried not to feel anything about it. So Tony was with Steve. So what? Wasn’t like it affected him anyways. He sighed once, pushing strands of dark hair out of his eyes, slamming his sketchbook shut in frustration. Who was he kidding? Of course it affected him, because he cared about Tony. He didn’t understand why, but he did. The engineer was just so… interesting.

Suddenly, the doors to the lab slid open, and Bucky jumped to his feet in alarm. But it was just Tony. The phrase ‘speak of the devil’ popped up in his head, and he wondered what it meant.

“Hey,” he said. “Back already?” Then he got a better look at the engineer, and his heart dropped. The dark-haired man was pale, covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He stumbled inside, and the doors closed behind him. “What is it? Tony?” Tony glanced up as if he suddenly realized that Bucky was there, and his wild, unfocused eyes met the soldier’s.

Tony moved unsteadily over to the couch and collapsed onto it, breathing heavily. Feeling sick to his stomach, Bucky sat next to him, reaching out to place a tentative hand on his back. But Tony jerked out of reach, his eyes filled with terror.

“Don’t,” he warned shakily, and Bucky nodded quickly, raising his hands in a ‘I surrender” gesture. Tony pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, staring unseeingly at the floor.

“Tony,” Bucky implored, and waited until dazed eyes dragged up to look at him before continuing. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong right now I’m going to destroy DUM-E.” Tony’s face cleared slightly, though his eyes widened in alarm at the threat. Finally, he sighed.

“There was… an incident at the beach. Clint and Thor dunked me in the water,” Tony rasped. Bucky nodded, raising his eyebrows.

“Okay,” he said gently. “Why is that a big deal?”

“I, um, I had a flashback.” At Bucky’s confused expression, he continued hastily. “A couple of years ago, I was doing a weapons demo in Afghanistan. On the way back, my Humvee was attacked, and all the soldiers guarding me were killed right in front of me,” Tony began unevenly, his face clenched in pain at the memory. Bucky’s heart twisted in sympathy.

“This terrorist group called The Ten Rings kidnapped me after they saw the demonstration. They wanted me to build the missile I had shown, the Jericho. They wanted to be ‘Kings of the Jungle’ or something. All I knew was that a lot of people would die if I agreed. So I didn’t. As I’m sure you can imagine, they did not like that.”

Bucky listened in silence, nausea growing in the pit of his stomach. He had some idea of where it was going, but he wished that it wasn’t true.

“Have you ever heard of waterboarding, Bucky?” the engineer asked softly. Bucky shook his head. “It’s a form of torture. They hold you down and put a cloth over your face, then pour water on it. Drowning on dry land. They alternated between that and just putting me under a trough of water. Among other things.” Bucky let out a choked sounding cry, then clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle it. Rage and sympathy roared through him. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, and he found himself imagining that the throats of those sons of bitches were between them. He realized that the rage was probably scaring the engineer. Tony appraised him wearily, and after a moment the soldier got his emotions under control, and removed his hand.

“That’s why you have problems with water?” Bucky asked shakily.

“Yeah,” Tony said shortly.

“I’m so sorry,” Bucky breathed. The engineer shrugged.

“Don’t be. It’s in the past. I just-” he exhaled sharply, raking a hand through his tousled dark hair, abruptly frustrated. “I just don’t understand why everything has to be so fucked up.”

“You had a flashback?” Bucky prompted him.

“In front of everyone…in front of Steve.” Tony’s face was stricken. Bucky pursed his lips, trying to determine the best way to go about this delicate subject.

“They didn’t know?” Tony shook his head slowly. “And you ran off after?”

“In the suit,” he admitted.

“Why don’t you want them to know?” Bucky inquired. Tony sighed, leaning back on the couch and tucking his feet into the cushions.

“I guess it makes me feel… I don’t know, weak. I don’t feel like a have a right to be damaged,” Tony murmured.

“PTSD doesn’t make you weak, Tony. If anything it makes you stronger. You were tortured. It’s going to take some time,” Bucky advised, “and some help to get over it. And this is entirely up to you, but I would tell Steve if I were you. He’s not the type of person to think you weak for it. Also you two are together, and it isn’t right to keep things from your partner.” Tony blinked in surprise, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him.

“Fair enough,” he muttered.

“So you’ll tell him?” Bucky pressed. The engineer regarded him for a moment.

“Yeah,” he finally said. Then he smiled. “You’re a good friend, Bucky.” The soldier felt a smile spread across his lips in response. The compliment was unexpected, and it warmed him.

“Friend?” Bucky asked. Tony chuckled.

“I’m lying to my boyfriend for you and hiding you in my lab, and you just helped me through a bit of an emotional breakdown. I’d say we’re pretty solid friends,” the engineer exclaimed, and Bucky’s hesitant smile grew into a full blown grin. Tony was his friend.

“Well, then as such, I have something to say,” Bucky announced. Tony gestured with his hand.

“Shoot.”

“From a fighting perspective, it’d be beneficial if you also informed your team. If you’re in the middle of a battle and water gets involved, they need to be aware of your predicament,” Bucky suggested very matter-of-factly.

“Fine,” Tony agreed simply, and Bucky was slightly taken aback. He didn’t seem like the type to just agree with a suggestion.

“Well, alright then. Good talk,” Bucky said.

+

Tony was waiting for the team in the living room. He was sprawled across the couch, lazily flipping through the channels, not really paying attention to what they were about. His stomach was filled with butterflies (and not the good kind) at the anticipation of admitting his weakness. Well… Bucky had said that his fear didn’t make him weak. He had said that they wouldn’t look at him differently. He just had to trust that.

“Tony?” Steve exclaimed from behind him, and he twisted around in his seat to glance up at the super soldier. His face was cautious, and Tony sighed. The entire team was looking at him like he was a wounded animal.

“Hey, guys,” Tony said as casually as he could manage. “We need to talk.”

“I’m so sorry, Tony,” Clint burst out, his eyes wide with guilt. “I had no idea, and I shouldn’t have-” Tony raised a hand, stopping the archer. He gestured to the couch.

“Please, sit, and I can explain,” he said in a surprisingly even voice. Steve studied him with a curious expression. Tony didn’t blame him; it wasn’t like him to just offer up an explanation. If it wasn’t for Bucky, he’d be holed up in the lab for like a week before Steve or someone else literally busted in.

The team all sat on the couch, or the floor. He took a deep, steadying breath.

“First off, I’d like to apologize for not telling you all sooner. It was selfish, and I’ve been putting you in danger every time we go out on a mission,” he began, and they listened in silence. He purposefully avoided Steve’s eyes before continuing.

“When I was in Afghanistan, I was tortured through a method of drowning. It lasted for days, weeks, I don’t even know. It felt like months. They left me half-drowned all the time, and I never had enough air. Because every time they would pull me out and I would start to catch my breath, they would put me back under. I escaped, obviously. But I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten over it. When I come in contact with water now, I go right back to that fucking cave,” he confessed. There was a moment of shocked silence.

“Tony,” Steve breathed, and Clint just dropped his head into his hands, shoulders slumped in misery.

“God, Tony, I’m such an ass. I’m so sorry,” the archer mumbled into his hands. Thor’s face was like that of a kicked puppy.

“I apologize, friend Anthony. My behavior was inexcusable,” he said solemnly. Tony shrugged.

“Don’t beat yourselves up. You didn’t know, and that’s my fault.” Steve stood suddenly, and Tony glanced up at him evenly. He fully expected anger, and he half-expected to be hit. After all, he had hidden a potentially dangerous secret from the Captain of the team. He was startled when instead the soldier pulled him into a hard hug.

Tony was so confused. He had put the team in danger because of his pride, and Steve was comforting him?

“You’re not angry?” Tony whispered, and Steve pulled back, cupping the engineer’s cheek with the palm of his hand.

“Of course not. How could I be? I’m just sorry that you’ve been going through this alone,” Steve told him gently. “We can get you some help, okay? A little therapy never hurt anyone. And I’ll support you, whatever you need.” Tony exhaled happily. Bucky had been right. Steve was just so amazing.

“Okay,” he hummed, placing his hand over Steve’s. Clint cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Yeah, I think I’ll just go train in the gym or something.” Tony grinned at the archer, dropping his hand and stepping away quickly. Steve just looked at him with affection shining in his gorgeous fucking blue eyes.

“I think I’ll join you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that was it. Did you enjoy? Find anything that needs fixing? Lemme know down below!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. I don't really have an excuse other than the fact that I just got lazy and I lost gusto for this story; don't worry, it's back now :)

“Morning, Buckaroo,” Tony called out cheerfully as he strolled into the lab, a steaming mug of coffee warming his hands. The soldier was already awake, lounging on the bed in a pair of sweatpants and a gray t-shirt that was the softest thing he’d ever felt. Bucky glanced up at the engineer curiously, and only then did he realize that he’d been unconsciously twirling a knife in his left hand. He forced himself to stop, and smiled.

“Hey, Tony,” he greeted, pushing dark hair out of his eyes with a shiny hand. “How’s it going?” Tony carefully lowered his coffee to the table, and turned to him excitedly.

“Super,” he replied, his eyes bright. “I have an idea.” Bucky regarded him warily. Over the past week, he had learned that Tony’s ideas, while brilliant, usually resulted in some sort of accident. There was the fire, the mini-explosion, and the time that Tony accidentally shot out the glass window. Bucky had been reading at the time, and then just heard a small blast and the glass shattering. He had looked up in openmouthed shock, and Tony had just been frowning at the glass on the floor with pursed lips, scratching his head as if he didn’t know what went wrong. “Oops,” he had lightly exclaimed, then went to cleaning up the mess.

Bucky had grown extremely affectionate of the dark-haired man in the short time that they had known each other. Tony had taken him in without question, and let him do his own thing, but was still there when Bucky needed him. He felt okay for the first time in a long time, and he owed all of that to Tony. That was the only reason he tolerated the engineer’s “ideas”… or at least, that’s what he told himself.

“What is it this time?” Bucky asked cautiously, fighting back an amused smile at the innocent excitement on the engineer’s face.

“I want to play with your arm,” Tony told him seriously. Bucky stilled, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He sat up on the bed.

“Excuse me?” Bucky asked uncertainly. Tony exhaled, running a hand through his disheveled hair, and met Bucky’s curious gaze with apprehension and eagerness, a strange mix that piqued Bucky’s interest.

“I’ve been trying my very best to not bother you about it, so you could, you know, have your space and everything. But that crappy, outdated, shitty piece of tech has been driving me nuts since I met you,” Tony explained in a huff. Bucky smirked at him, lying back on the bed and folding his hands behind his head.

“Your best sucks,” he retorted, though he wasn’t angry. He found the man’s obsession with technology entertaining. Tony arched an eyebrow playfully.

“Say what?”

“You’ve been longingly gazing at my arm ever since that first day,” Bucky informed him. Tony gave Bucky a full-blown grin that caused his heart to skip a beat.

“Maybe it wasn’t the arm I was gazing at,” the engineer shot back, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Bucky flushed, the breath hitching in his throat. Was Tony really saying what Bucky thought he was saying? And if so, was the suggestion entirely unwelcome?

Bucky couldn’t deny that he had a bit of a crush on the engineer, loud and crude as he was. Tony was the light in Bucky’s dark world, the land after so many miles of churning waters. He had no business wanting Tony Stark, as the man was with Bucky’s best friend, but nevertheless, he did.

“Look, I promise that if you feel uncomfortable, you can stop me. But I can turn that arm into a glorious piece of Stark technology,” Tony vowed, and Bucky chuckled.

“Sure, why not?” The childishly joyful grin that spread across his usually brooding face was enough of an incentive. Tony gestured to a chair, and Bucky rolled off the bed and onto his feet. He made his way over to the chair and plopped down onto it. And instantly, he felt a peculiar tightness in his chest. Tony was busy sifting through his materials, his back turned to the soldier.

Bucky breathed in and out, trying to slow his heart rate. He told himself that it wasn’t HYDRA, that Tony was a friend, and that he was safe. But there was a dark force rising up in the back of his head, crowding him, fighting for control. The Winter Soldier consumed him, and his face relaxed into a blank mask.

Mission: Eliminate Steven G. Rogers.

              +

Tony was lost in thought as he shifted through the materials scattered across his desk, debating over which approach would be suitable for this particular project. His hands were tingling with excitement; he’d been itching to check out Bucky’s arm since Steve told him about it. He had tried so hard to keep quiet, but he figured maybe Bucky would appreciate a new one now that he was getting better. At least, he thought that the soldier was getting better. That was until he got backhanded.

The force behind the blow sent him sprawling to the ground, and he held his cheek in pain, his head swimming as he tried to make sense of what had happened. He glanced up to see a boot flying towards him, landing solidly in his gut. Suddenly, he was on his back, gasping for air.

He blinked dazedly up at the ceiling, and then the gravity of the situation dawned on him. He had the Winter Soldier in his lab. The Winter fucking Soldier just backhanded him, and was probably going to kill him. Not-Bucky appeared, hovering over him with cold curiosity. There was no emotion in his eyes, and his face was an expressionless mask. Tony was truly terrified.

The Winter Soldier regarded him for a moment, then leaned down and grabbed Tony loosely by the throat with his metal hand. Knowing that it was a dumb thing to do, but unable to stop himself regardless, Tony tried to escape. He squirmed, and then the metal hand tightened around his throat. The Winter Soldier lifted him into the air with his metal arm effortlessly.

Tony clawed desperately at the Soldier’s hand, but it was pointless. The Winter Soldier was as strong as, if not stronger than Steve. He stared down into those empty eyes, pleading for Bucky to snap out of it. He was Bucky, not this mindless assassin. But his face remained blank.

Tony’s lungs burned for air, and he thrashed around, but it was pointless; there was nothing he could do to dissuade The Soldier. Tony’s vision started to darken around the edges. _Holy shit_ , he thought foggily. This was it. After all the shit he had gone through, this was how he was going to die. Honestly, he was kind of pissed. He had always wanted to die heroically, doing something amazing. This was just pathetic.

Finally, the burning in his lungs started to ebb away, and he could feel himself sinking into unconsciousness, and then he figured he would just be dead. Through the static, he heard a shocked gasp, and the sound of shattering glass.

“Tony!” Steve’s voice shouted, and then Tony was roughly flung to the side. For a second, he laid there, wondering if Steve was the angel selected to bring him to heaven…or wherever you went after you bit it. Then his adrenaline kicked into gear, and he sucked in a deep lungful of air, his eyes wide. He trembled slightly, pushing himself upright on shaky arms, then glanced up to see that Steve was actually there, and he had tackled Bucky. Bucky struggled and thrashed underneath Steve, but the super soldier’s grip was like iron. “Bucky, stand down! It’s Steve, remember? It’s Steve, your friend! Remember? Buck! I’m with you till the end of the line!” The second the words were spoken, Bucky stopped struggling, and a confused look replaced the emotionless mask.

“Stevie?” Bucky rasped. Steve sighed in relief, then released him, moving swiftly to Tony’s side. Steve placed a comforting hand on Tony’s back, rubbing soothing circles into the muscles as the engineer still attempted to catch his breath.

“Tony? Tony, are you okay?” Steve demanded, that worried crease appearing between his brows. Tony struggled onto his knees, leaning back on his heels. He waved a dismissing hand.

“I’m fine,” he gasped, the burning in his lungs fading even as they spoke, being replaced by a dull ache in his throat. He glanced up at Bucky, who was staring at his hands in mute horror. “Bucky?” he asked. No answer, no indication that the soldier had even heard him. “Buckaroo? You with me?”

Steve glanced between them in bewilderment.

“What the hell is going on? Why is he going after you?” Steve looked so lost, and Tony hated himself for what he had done. He had lied- again- to his boyfriend, and now he had hurt everyone involved. Bucky would be fine if Tony had just not pushed it. And now he had to hurt Steve even more. Tony shrugged tiredly, rubbing his tender throat.

“Um, well, he kind of, uh, lives here,” Tony confessed, watching guiltily as Steve’s face scrunched up in astonishment. “And as for the second part, I don’t really know. I must have done something to set him off.” Steve stared at him in shock, then turned to look at Bucky.

“You live here? With Tony?” he demanded. Tony fixed his gaze down at the ground, a pit forming in his stomach. “Why didn’t you tell me that you found him? Why would you keep this from me?” The hurt in Steve’s voice was palpable, and it was bordering on anger. Tony knew he deserved it.

“I told him not to, Stevie,” Bucky suddenly spoke, and his voice was rough with strain. Again, a wave of guilt washed over Tony. He pushed himself to his feet, moving closer to the distraught soldier.

“Bucky, whatever I did, I’m so sorry,” Tony stammered in a rush. A stricken look entered those dark blue eyes.

“You’re- you’re sorry?” he murmured. “Tony, what the hell do you have to be sorry for?”

“I must have done something to trigger it. I’m so sorry for pushing you, Buck,” he stammered, rushing to get the words out. Bucky shook his head in disbelief.

“You didn’t do anything wrong!” the soldier exclaimed. “It was my fault, and I am so, so sorry.” His voice broke, breaking Tony’s heart in the process.

“Buck-”

“I hurt you,” Bucky gasped out, tears forming in his eyes. “God, I hurt you, I almost killed you, Tony. I’m so sorry, Tony. The chair…it just brought back some things. I- I’ll leave the tower if you want. You don’t have to let me stay here after that.” Tony vehemently shook his head; it was ridiculous for Bucky to blame himself for what HYDRA had done to him. The only one at fault was the HYDRA sons of bitches; not Tony, and certainly not Bucky.

“You’re not leaving, okay?” Tony said firmly. “It was an _accident_ , Bucky, you hear? An _accident_. And we’ll do what we can to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” The soldier still looked guilty, so Tony placed a reassuring arm on his shoulder. Bucky had been through years of torture; no one could blame him for that.

“How long?” Steve suddenly asked, still crouched down on the floor, his eyes pained. Tony winced.

“Ever since the diner incident,” Bucky confessed in a low voice. “I needed a place to stay, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“Why did you hide from me?” Steve asked, his voice full of hurt. Bucky sighed.

“I wasn’t ready yet. I wanted to get better before I saw you again,” he said. Steve ran a hand through his hair, then let his hands fall limply at his sides.

“Then… you remember?” Tony’s heart broke. Steve’s eyes were half-hopeful, half-fearful. Bucky nodded, lowering his head.

“Yeah, Steve. Everything. And I want to apologize for...hurting you, too,” Bucky murmured, his voice catching towards the end. Steve shook his head.

“Wasn’t your fault. I’d say I forgive you, but there’s nothing to forgive. You’re here, that’s all that matters,” Steve replied emotionally, lurching forward to pull the soldier into a hug. Bucky looked surprised for a moment, then relaxed and hugged him back. Hard. Quietly, Tony moved to leave, to let them have their privacy. Steve’s hand shot out and grabbed him by the arm. He pulled away from Bucky to fix him with a steely glare.

“Uh-huh. You don’t get to leave just yet,” Steve growled. Tony shrunk into himself a little, bracing himself for Steve’s rage. “I have some things I’d like to discuss with you.” Bucky glanced over at him with wide, alarmed eyes. ‘Run’ he mouthed.

“Um, actually, I was thinking that you and Bucky should talk more,” Tony suggested, his voice sounding sort of strangled. Appropriate, since he was just strangled.

“Nobody leaves yet,” Steve ordered, and Tony sighed, his shoulders slumping.

“Steve, it wasn’t his fault. He was just doing what I asked,” Bucky defended him. Tony smiled gratefully, glad that Bucky seemed like he was going to be okay.

“Yeah,” he added. “I was just trying to help Bucky out.”

“First of all,” Steve began, using his Captain Voice, “how the hell did you keep it from me? I _live_ here!” Tony felt a little relieved, as that was a fairly simple question and he didn’t sound too pissed. More indignant.

“Quite simple, really. I had JARVIS lock the doors all the time, which I must have forgotten to do today,” Tony said, realizing that as he spoke. Good thing he was absentminded, or he would be dead and Bucky…well, Bucky would be even worse. “And Bucky just stayed down here. I would bring him food and entertainment or whatever he needed.” Steve considered that for a moment, then his eyes narrowed.

“Wait! So when you would take food down here, you weren’t eating it?” Steve demanded. _Oh, great,_ Tony thought sarcastically. Steve had been fairly pleased recently, as he was under the impression that Tony was eating regularly. Tony never understood why it was such a big deal to everyone. But his plan had worked beautifully, up until now. Of fucking course Steve would focus on that, out of _everything else Tony had told him_!

“It was for Bucky,” Tony admitted sheepishly.

“But he had already eaten upstairs right?” Bucky directed the question to Steve. Steve shook his head in outrage. Tony saw where this was going, and he wanted nothing more than to escape.

“No, he said he was just eating down here so he could work!” Tony frowned as they pieced it together, and decided that in order to avoid an overreaction that he should first attempt to divert their attention, and if that failed, then he would take Bucky’s earlier advice and run.

“Let’s focus on the important stuff, here,” he said, attempting to change the subject off of ‘hey, let’s all get pissed at Tony for his eating habits…again.’ Two super soldiers turned to glare at him.

“So you haven’t been eating?” Bucky growled, sending a totally inappropriate shiver down his spine. He knew that now wasn’t the right time to get a little turned on, but he couldn’t help it. Both of them looked really sexy when they were pissed.

“Um…no?” They crossed their arms simultaneously, fixing him with an infuriated stare. “I don’t need to! I function just fine!” he defended himself. Steve shook his head, looking disappointed.

“Tony, I swear to God, we are going upstairs right now and you are to swallow whatever I put in front of you. Is that understood?” Steve’s face was hard, unyielding. Tony stifled a grin, his thoughts immediately going to the gutter.

“Why, Cap,” Tony drawled, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. “I thought you were a gentlemen; don’t you know it’s only polite to take someone out first?”

“What are you-” Steve began, confused, then paused. Tony saw the exact moment he got it, because his face went red and his eyes darkened. Tony smirked, smug that he had managed to get the Cap all hot and bothered…if his expression was anything to go by.

“You know that’s not what I meant!” Steve growled. Tony shrugged.

“Hey, I’m down for either one. You just let me know when you’re ready,” Tony purred, stroking Steve’s shoulder as he passed by on his way to the door, ignoring Steve’s shocked expression. “You coming, Buck?”

“S-sure,” Bucky stammered from behind them, and then Tony heard, in a lower voice, “Is he always like that?”

“He certainly loves messing with me,” Steve sighed.

“Who says I’m messing with you?” Tony called over his shoulder. “I’m perfectly serious, handsome.” There was a prolonged pause, and he snickered.

“You’ll get used to it eventually,” Steve promised.

“I seriously doubt that,” Bucky muttered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worth the wait?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets the team :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one, to make up for the absence :)

When they entered the living room, nobody noticed them at first. Rain pounded relentlessly on the windows, and the room was dark due to the gray clouds shielding the sun. Clint and Natasha were arm-wrestling, the red-headed assassin grinning at the archer deviously. Sweat beaded on Clint’s face; Natasha was a strong woman despite being small.

Thor happily munched on a package of pop-tarts, staring at the screen in enchantment. Bruce lounged next to Pepper on the couch, looking peacefully serene and totally absorbed in his work. Tony stood in the front, Steve standing next to him. Bucky nervously ducked his head behind them, letting his hair fall into his face and shield his eyes. Tony cleared his throat conspicuously.

“Attention, Ladies, Gentlemen, and Gods alike. I have a potentially alarming announcement, and have decided that in order to avoid an overreaction, I will give you a moment to brace yourselves.” Tony raised his eyebrows expectantly as four pairs of eyes flashed over to meet his. Natasha took the opportunity to slam Clint’s hand to the table, raising a fist victoriously as he jumped up, howling and shaking his hand in an effort to dispel the pain. Tony just hummed quietly to himself, rocking back and forth on his heels, lacing his hands together. Bruce blinked.

“Tony?”

“Moment’s up,” he declared, then stepped swiftly to the side. Natasha was on her feet in an instant, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. The others rose as well, but with less hostility, thank god.

“What the hell?” Natasha snarled, and Bucky flinched ever so slightly. Tony exhaled deeply. He turned to Steve, who stood in front of his BFF protectively.

“You two still bent on force-feeding me?” he asked under his breath. Both super soldiers fixed him with an icy glare, and he nodded. “Of course. Right. How about you two head to the kitchen while I sort this out?” Steve pursed his lips, studying Bucky intently. The brunette was shifting uncomfortably under the questioning and accusing looks.

“Alright,” Steve conceded, and gently took Bucky by the arm and led him out of the room, all the while mumbling soft assurances. Tony turned to his confused teammates, and clapped his hands together with forced cheer.

“Story time.” He moved over to the couch and plopped down, gesturing for them to join him.

The team, exchanging weary glances, crowded in around him. Tony brushed a hand over his face, tucking his feet into the cushions to keep them worm.

“Alright, so, about a week ago,” he began, “Bucky came to me asking for help. He needed a safe place to stay where he could recover in peace. I agreed, and I hid him in my lab. He didn’t want Steve to know yet, because he wanted to get better first.”

“And did he?” Natasha questioned in her calm voice, regarding him with her intense eyes. Tony sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth.

“Um, not quite. But Steve walked in the lab this morning and saw him,” he replied hastily, and then Natasha lurched forward and grabbed him by the jaw, tilting his head to the side.

“What happened here?” she demanded, and he ripped out of her grip, raising his hand to hide the deep purple bruises.

“Nothing,” he snapped. Natasha raised her eyebrows disbelievingly. “Okay, so I may have accidentally set him off. It was just a flashback!” She was shaking her head.

“Tony, if he’s capable of hurting you during a flashback, then it’s not safe to have him around,” she protested.

“Seriously?” Tony cried. “You really think I’m going to kick him out just because he has flashbacks? You all have your crap as well, and that’s fine. And if I remember correctly, you all weren’t angry because _I_ have flashbacks. And he never put you in danger because of them! In fact, he was the one who talked me down after the beach! If it wasn’t for him, I would still probably be holed up in my lab, hating myself! If you want to kick him out, so be it! But just know that I’ll be going too,” Tony declared strongly, fixing them with his most stern look. Natasha blinked in surprise.

“I’m okay with him staying,” Bruce put in quietly, and Tony gave him a grateful smile. He knew he could count on his science-bro.

“Me too,” Clint agreed. “If you trust him, then so do I.”

“Yes,” Thor rumbled. “He should stay.”

“I don’t mind,” Pepper said softly. Tony’s heart warmed, and he gazed at his friends affectionately. They trusted him, and it was a wonderful feeling. Then he glanced at Natasha, whose face was indecisive.

“Alright, Tony,” she conceded reluctantly. “He can stay. But I won’t stand for it if he hurts you again.” Tony was momentarily taken aback by the protectiveness in her voice. He had no idea she cared about him that much.

“Thank you,” he said softly, and she offered him a small smile. He stood, feeling all warm and fuzzy with love for his teammates, and Pepper. And for the two super soldiers most likely eavesdropping in the kitchen. He leaned forward, lowering his voice.

“Okay, would you all mind distracting them while I slip out?” he whispered conspiratorially.

“Not a chance, Tony!” Steve shouted, and Tony frowned, snapping his fingers.

“You get your stubborn ass in here!” Bucky added.

“You just want to stare at my ass, Barnes!” Tony shouted back, smirking and strolling into the kitchen.

Bucky was hovering over the stove, an apron tied around his waist. He stirred something in a pan with a wooden spoon, glancing up and grinning at Tony when he entered.

“To be fair, it is a fantastic ass,” Bucky commented, still stirring. Tony’s jaw dropped. He had been flirting with Bucky all week (it came naturally to him) and he had never gotten a response before. Not that he was trying to get one; he had Steve. But still, flirting was no fun unless it was reciprocated. This was a joyous occasion!

And then Tony glanced over at Steve, who seemed to be in shock. Good feeling gone. Tony wasn’t sure if Steve was angry or not, and then mentally chided himself. Of course he would be angry! Tony ordered himself not to flirt with Bucky anymore.

“What are you guys making?” Tony asked cheerfully, taking a seat at the table. Bucky shot him an amused smirk, popping a French fry in his mouth, munching happily. “Ooh, fries!”

“Not for you,” Steve chastised him, and Tony frowned.

“You need to eat something healthy,” Bucky informed him, and Natasha studied him.

“Why the big production out of cooking?” she asked, and Bucky glanced at her, his face abruptly full of grief and guilt. Steve noticed, and answered for him.

“Tony hasn’t been eating again. He’s been giving his share to Bucky, and lying to the rest of us about it. He told Bucky that he ate upstairs,” Steve replied. The team frowned at the engineer.

“Tony!” Natasha chided.

“Come on, Tony. If you don’t quit it we’re gonna ban you from the lab,” Bruce threatened. Tony scowled.

“Fine, fine! Yeesh!” he snapped.

“Are you Natasha?” Bucky suddenly asked, directing the question to the redheaded assassin. She just gazed back at him with her cat-like green eyes.

“Yes.”

“Tony told me that I shot you while I was the… soldier,” Bucky said softly. “I just wanted to apologize. I don’t want you to hate me for it. I wouldn’t have done it if I was myself.” Natasha regarded him for a moment, her face not betraying any emotion.

“Okay. Then let’s start over,” she decided, and stood up, crossing the room and sticking her hand out. Bucky stared at it for a moment, then shook her hand with his. “I’m Natasha Romanoff.”

“Bucky Barnes,” he returned politely, and she smiled.

“Nice to meet you.” She returned to the table and reclaimed her seat.

“So, tell us a little bit about yourself,” Clint requested, and Bucky raised his eyebrows, exhaling deeply.

“Um, I like French fries,” he offered, and Tony laughed. Bucky piled some food on a plate, and set it in front of him.

“What’s this?” Tony asked.

“Zucchini, potatoes, and rice,” Bucky answered cheerfully. Steve added a few slices of Italian bread to the plate, and set a saucer down on the side.

“And this is bread and dip,” Steve said. Tony picked up a fork, and tried one of the green things that Bucky called Zucchini. He let out a moan of approval.

“Oh, my god! This is fucking amazing!” he exclaimed. He eagerly tore off a piece of bread and dunked it in the dip, which looked and smelled tasty. He stuffed the bread in his mouth, chewing excitedly. Who knew super soldiers could make such a good meal? Bucky sat next to him on one side, and Steve sat on the other.

“What is in this dip?” he asked Steve. The soldier grinned, his blue eyes sparkling.

“Olive oil, garlic salt, oregano, and crushed red pepper. You like it?” Tony nodded.

“Oh, yeah! It’s so tasty! And this zucchini! Where’d you learn to cook like that, Bucky?” Tony demanded, and the brunette soldier blushed.

“Oh, he’s always been able to cook like that,” Steve put in proudly, every bit the proud momma hen.

“It’s coming back to me- those bits and pieces of who I used to be. I don’t think I can ever be the same again, but it’s nice to be able to at least remember,” Bucky said with a half-sad, half-bitter smile. Steve’s eyes grew a little misty, and Tony felt his heart constrict in sympathy. He sort of understood what it was like to go through something that irrevocably changed you, but nowhere near the level that Bucky was facing.

“So, Bucky, mind if we ask you a couple questions?” Bruce inquired kindly. “Maybe get to know you a little bit?” The subject change was obvious, but welcomed on all ends. Bucky shrugged.

“Uh, sure,” he replied.

“What,” Thor began solemnly, “is your favorite color?” Bucky cracked a smile, and idly traced the lines carved into the table with his finger.

“Red,” he answered.

“What is your favorite animal?” Clint asked, propping his elbow up on the table and resting his chin in his hands. It was clear that they were all enchanted by the brunette soldier, and Tony didn’t blame them. He found himself leaning forward in his seat as he awaited Bucky’s answers.

“Dog,” Bucky said. “They’re so friendly, and loyal. I’ve always wanted a dog.” His voice was wistful towards the end, and Tony made a mental note to stop by the pound next time he was out.

“Favorite band?” Natasha spoke up, and Tony was relieved to find no hostility or disapproval in her tone.

“AC/DC,” Bucky returned, flashing Tony a lopsided smile. The engineer grinned, and pumped a fist.

“Awesome!” he enthused. “At least somebody has taste!”

“Come on, Stark. Maybe we’d like it if you didn’t binge-play it all the time!” Clint retorted, but he was amused. Tony had a witty comeback ready, but he actually couldn’t stop stuffing his face long enough to get it out, so he let it drop.

“What’s your favorite movie?” Pepper asked.

“I haven’t seen a lot of movies, but I really like The Imitation Game,” Bucky admitted with an embarrassed smile, and Tony grinned.

“Seriously? Out of all the ones I’ve shown you, that’s your favorite?”

“Yeah,” Bucky replied, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

“What’s it about?” Steve asked curiously.

“It’s about this guy, Alan Turing, and it takes place during World War II. He breaks Enigma, the encryption device used by the Germans, and builds the world’s first computer in the process,” Bucky explained. “It’s actually really sad.”

“Why is it sad?” Thor asked.

“Well, he’s gay, and people find out. They put him on these meds that basically neuter him, and in the end he kills himself because of it,” Bucky murmured. Tony had cried a lot when he first saw it, and so had Bucky. It was one of his favorite movies, and it pleased him to know that Bucky had liked it as much as he had.

“Oh,” Steve said, surprised, and Tony glanced at him curiously. Oh, God, he realized. Steve was alive during World War II, and he was in a gay relationship. It hadn’t even occurred to Tony that the blond soldier might be a little upset about that. Guilt washed over him.

“Let’s watch it! It sounds good!” Clint cried, and Tony nodded in agreement, eager for a distraction.

“Yes!” He quickly finished his meal, and eagerly skipped to the sink and threw his dishes in. He ran to the living room and found the disc, popping it in the X-Box. Everyone came to the living room, and found a seat. Clint set up another fort on the floor, and he and Thor excitedly climbed inside (Tony swore they were both five at heart). Bruce, Pepper, and Tasha sat on one couch, and Tony sat next to Bucky on the other couch. Steve took the soldier’s other side.

When the movie started, they all fell silent and paid strict attention. Except for Steve. Steve kept staring at Bucky with adoring eyes, a huge grin spreading across his face. A small part of Tony cringed in pain. The look in Steve’s eyes when he glanced at his friend was not dissimilar to the look when he gazed at Tony. Something inside of Tony hurt, but he swallowed it down, internally cursing himself. He should be happy for his boyfriend, not sitting there like a wounded dog just because Steve was happy to see Bucky.

After that, he tried to pay attention, and soon lost himself in the movie. When it ended, he looked back at the soldiers for the first time in a while, intending to ask Steve if he had liked the movie. Instead, his question stuck in his throat as he took in the scene before him. Bucky had fallen asleep on Steve’s chest, curled against him like Tony did sometimes. Steve was out too, his face relaxed in sleep, his hand wrapped around Bucky’s waist. Jealousy shot through his stomach, and the worst part was when he realized that he didn’t know who it was for.

He got to his feet unsteadily, and turned to take care of the popcorn bowl. The team all looked at him sympathetically, and it occurred to him that the hurt in his face must have tipped them off. He wiped his expression away, and replaced it with the smile he used in public, the one reserved for charity galas and business meetings.

“So, what did you guys think?” he asked brightly. They just looked at him with that look he hated with a passion. It resembled the face doctors would give him when he denied Howard’s involvement in his injuries.

“I’m sure it was just an accident, Tony,” Natasha said gently. Tony cocked his head to the side, feigning innocence.

“No, I’m pretty sure Turing killed himself on purpose,” he replied flippantly, causing the redhead to sigh.

“Sure, Tony,” she murmured, dropping it for the time being, and rose. She turned to Clint with a smile. “Wanna watch Scrubs in my room?” The archer nodded excitedly, grinning. She helped him to his feet, and they bounded off together.

“How would you like to go on a walk with me?” Bruce asked Pepper. The redhead blinked, flustered.

“But it’s dark!” she protested, and a small grin spread across the scientist’s face.

“Pepper… I’m the Hulk, remember?” She laughed, and took his hand.

“Fair enough,” she murmured, and let him lead her out of the room with a bright smile. Thor unhappily climbed out of the fort. He glanced around the mostly empty room with a frown.

“What’s wrong?” Tony whispered, conscious of the sleeping soldiers on the couch.

“I don’t have anyone to ‘hang out’ with, as you humans put it,” Thor stated. “Because you are going to your laboratory, right?” Tony shrugged.

“Not necessarily. We can hang out. I haven’t really gotten to know you very well yet,” Tony mused, and a broad grin split the blond god’s face.

“Yay!” he cried enthusiastically, and Tony frantically shushed him, afraid of waking the soldiers. It was stupid, but a part of him wanted to hurt Steve. He didn’t let himself care about people the way he cared about Steve often, and this was why. They always left him, chose someone else over him. And he never blamed them. But Steve had pushed Tony into it, hooked him in, and now he was going to dump him.

“Alright, we can have a sleepover in my room. We’ll stay up watching movies, playing board games or video games, whatever you want, okay?” A mischievous look entered Thor’s eyes.

“Let’s see who can stay up the latest,” he whispered, and Tony grinned in response. He was loving this already.

“Okay, but if we’re going to do this, we need to do this right,” Tony mused. “We need snacks, cheap beer, the works. There’s only one place suitable for our needs.”

“Where, Friend Anthony?”

“Wal-Mart.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Thor at Walmart, oh god! What's gonna happen next?!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after? Sort of?

Steve knew before he even opened his eyes that something was off. Firstly, the lighting was wrong, too bright; he was used to waking up in complete darkness for his morning run. Secondly, he wasn’t in his bed.

He peeled his eyes open, and gasped. Bucky was stretched out next to him on the couch, though his head rested on Steve’s chest, and his metal hand was gripping a fistful of his shirt. Steve blinked spastically, unsure of what to do.

“Buck?” he whispered uncertainly. The soldier stirred, but didn’t wake. “Buck?” he tried again. Bucky suddenly inhaled sharply, and sat up so fast it made Steve’s head spin. Bucky stared at Steve, his blue eyes wide and disoriented.

“What happened? Did I fall asleep?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, during the movie, I think,” Steve replied carefully.

“Was I lying on you?” Steve had forgotten how adorably confused Bucky was when he first woke up.

“A little bit,” Steve admitted with a small smile.

“Oh. Sorry,” Bucky mumbled, and Steve shook his head, placing a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Its fine, Buck. I’m gonna go check on Tony, and then do you maybe want to do something today?” Bucky’s eyes lit up at the suggestion, and he nodded excitedly.

“Yeah! That would be awesome,” he said. Steve grinned, and an overwhelming rush of joy flooded through him. It was beyond amazing to have his best friend back after all these years. He stood and made his way down to Tony’s bedroom, pausing at the door and listening to see if he was awake. Ever since the engineer had almost been killed, he had been feeling even more protective over him than usual. It would soothe his mind to know that he was safe in bed, asleep.

Quietly, he turned the knob and opened the door, then peered inside. His eyes widened as he found the engineer on the bed, shock reverberating through him. Because the engineer was not alone. Lying face down on the bed next to him was Thor, shirtless.

“What the hell?” he exclaimed loudly, unable to stop himself. Tony jerked upright, his eyes flying open and immediately landing on him. They were hazy looking, and he blinked to clear them. He glanced down at the other side of the bed, scratching his head in confusion. Then his face paled. His eyes flashed back up to stare at Steve, horrified. So it was true; Tony had… with Thor…

Steve was surprised at the strength of the rage that swept through him. Blood roared in his ears, and his heart hammered unevenly in his chest.

“Steve,” Tony mumbled, his face crushed. And then Steve couldn’t be there anymore. Couldn’t look at the guilty expression on the dark-haired man’s face, couldn’t look at Thor’s bare back. He turned around and swiftly left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. He stalked down the hall, his face flushed with the intensity of his anger. There was also intense hurt and loss, but it was buried beneath all the rage.

“Whoa, Steve,” Bucky said, stopping him by putting a hand on his chest. His blue eyes raked over him, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“Tony…” he panted, his breathing ragged with strain. Bucky’s face grew white.

“What happened to him? Is he okay?” Bucky demanded in a choked sounding voice, and Steve just shook his head, understanding what Bucky must have thought.

“He’s fine. He just… he was in bed with… with Thor,” Steve finally replied, his heart twisting in a fresh wave of pain at saying it out loud.

“Oh,” Bucky said, surprise coloring his tone. He stared at Steve sympathetically, but his eyes kept flitting down the hall. “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it? Do you need me to talk to him?” Steve just shook his head.

“I just need to not be in the house,” Steve uttered in a low voice, and Bucky nodded.

“Alright. Let’s go, then,” Bucky said.

              +

Tony watched with a sick feeling in his stomach as Steve turned and strode quickly out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Thor shot upright, his long blond hair tangled, his eyes wide.

“What happened?” he slurred. Tony just shook his head, staring at the god wordlessly. Then Thor seemed to realize that he and the engineer were both shirtless. Tony drew the covers up around his torso, covering his scarred chest. He couldn’t even imagine how drunk he had to have been to take his shirt off in front of Thor. Much less do whatever else they had done.

“Friend Anthony, did I have sex with thee?” Thor asked confusedly, and Tony shook his head again. He didn’t remember anything about last night, except for the thing with Steve and Bucky.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, tears brimming at the corner of his eyes. Thor frowned sadly.

“Do not be sad, metal man. We couldn’t have; you’re with Friend Steven. Even as inebriated as you were, your love for him runs deep,” Thor proclaimed, and Tony blinked. Yeah. He would never do that to Steve, no matter how drunk he was.

Standing, Tony pulled the covers up around his shoulders, glancing at Thor awkwardly.

“I’m going to go put a shirt on,” he muttered. Thor nodded, and stood as well. Tony tried not to let his gaze linger on the god’s impressive abs, which was kind of dumb, but if he didn’t sleep with him, then he didn’t want to look. Tony turned, the blanket still wrapped tightly around him, and went into the closet. He was in the process of pulling on a t-shirt when he heard the door open, and he figured that Thor was leaving.

Instead, he felt a chill run up his spine. He turned around, adjusting his shirt, and nearly died of a heart attack. Natasha stood there with her arms crossed over her chest, her green eyes narrowed.

“Geez!” he gasped, leaning against the wall for support. “What the hell?”

“You slept with Thor?” she demanded, her voice close to a shout. Tony winced, covering his ears with cupped hands.

“Easy,” he cautioned, blinking in an attempt to dispel the headache growing behind his eyes.

“Well, did you?” she hissed, her angelic face furious. Tony shook his head, and shrugged.

“I don’t know for sure,” he said, then frowned. “Wait, yes I do. I would never do anything like that to Steve. Drunk or not, I still love him.” Natasha’s eyes widened, and she gaped at him. Only then did he realize what he had said. “I mean, I still care about him,” Tony amended hastily, but it was too late. Natasha jumped up and down on the balls of her feet excitedly, pointing at him.

“You said you love Steve!” she shrieked with glee. Tony shook his head vehemently, feeling shaky from the nausea rolling through him. Hangovers were a bitch.

“I meant to say that I care about him,” he corrected, but Natasha just smiled smugly at him.

“You didn’t misspeak, Tony. You love him, and you know it. So stop dicking around and just be with him. Fix this,” she ordered, and he exhaled.

“Alright, Tasha,” he agreed. She nodded her approval, and turned to leave. “Why do you care so much, anyway?” The question flew from his lips before he could stop himself. She paused, and fixed him with her green-eyed stare.

“Because I care about you, Tony. And anyone with half a brain can see that you need him,” she stated simply, and with one last smile, she left, closing the bedroom door behind her. Tony shuffled out of the closet, throwing himself down on the bed. Thor had left, too, hopefully before Tasha came.

What the hell did she mean? Tony didn’t need Steve. The more he thought about the redhead’s comment, the more irritated he got. Did she think he was some weak, helpless little damsel in distress who needed Captain America to come rescue him? Sure, he was fucked up, but that was how it had always been. Tony Stark was perfectly fine, he told himself, with the way he was.

Scowling, the self-proclaimed genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist pushed himself off of the bed. He walked swiftly down to his lab, taking the stairs because they were quicker. Even so, he was so impatient to get down to the lab that he jumped the last four steps, landing with a grunt. He ignored his body’s protests and strode into the lab.

“JARVIS, pull up the security footage from last night,” he commanded shortly. The AI complied silently, seeming to understand what kind of mood the engineer was in. The videos from all the cameras all over the tower were suddenly displayed on holographic screens all around the room. Tony frowned.

“J, Thor and I went to wal-mart last night, right?” he asked.

“Yes sir, around 9:30 you and Thor left the premises to go to Wal-Mart. You returned home after Midnight and preceded to stay up for the next four hours,” JARVIS informed him.

“Gimme the video from my bedroom,” Tony instructed, and the video was enlarged. He stared at it intently, quickly skimming through the four hours of footage. They had played board games and video games, and had a bit of a dance party. There was lots of drinking, and Tony had taken off his sweat-soaked shirt after they had a pushup contest. Tony grimaced at himself on the screen, even though you couldn’t really make out the horrific scars covering his torso. He idly wondered if Thor had been sober enough to notice them.

Tony continued scanning the footage. They had even arm-wrestled, with Tony using the Iron Man arm (Thor had won; he needed to upgrade the suit.) Finally, around 3:30 in the morning, they had clean-up time (he vaguely remembered singing the cleanup song) and had both passed out in the bed. That was it.

Tony grabbed the StarkTablet and pulled the video up, then stood and walked out of the room. He made his way up to the living area, searching for Steve.

+

Steve returned home around 7. He and Bucky had explored the city, and had easily fallen back into their old routine of playful bickering and banter. And for a while, Steve had been able to push Tony to the back of his mind. But now he was back, and his insides were tightening with the rage and hurt he had experienced earlier.

He and Bucky walked into the living room, and Steve was shocked to find Tony lounging like a cat on the same couch that Steve and Bucky had fallen asleep on.

“Hey, Cap,” Tony greeted him casually, waving slightly with one hand. Steve blinked, the shock fading.

“Hi,” he said stiffly, and Bucky shifted uncomfortably at his side.

“I’ll just go,” Bucky muttered. “In case you guys wanted to talk.” He turned to leave, and Tony was just staring at him with an almost lazy look in his dark eyes. Steve held the eye contact, his jaw tightening. The thought of the engineer and the blond god together, kissing, Thor touching Tony… it boiled his blood.

“No,” he ground out, and Bucky whirled, surprise shining in his steel-blue eyes.

“But-”

“No,” Steve repeated harshly, glaring at the engineer. “There’s nothing to talk about.” Tony’s relaxed disposition was only angering him further, although he thought he saw something close to pain flit across his face. It was gone before he could be sure.  

“Actually,” Tony drawled, standing smoothly, “I disagree. I have something to show you, Captain.” Steve’s eyes narrowed; he knew that Tony was only calling him that to piss him off. Tony held a StarkTablet in his hands, and he thrusted it towards Steve, not breaking his stare. Steve took it in confusion. He glanced at it, and then tried to hand it back to Tony.

“I don’t need to know exactly what went down, Tony! I know how cheating works,” Steve fumed, his stomach recoiling at the image of Tony and Thor on the screen.

“Just watch it,” Tony snapped, and Steve swallowed, then dragged his gaze back to the screen reluctantly. It was about midnight, and Tony and Thor stumbled into Tony’s bedroom, and he was shocked to find Tony giggling. Tony never giggled.

“I can’t believe-” Tony got out between giggles, “that you almost got us thrown out of Wal-Mart!” Thor bellowed a laugh in response, slapping the engineer heartily on the back. Tony doubled over.

“And…that…girl’s face when you-” he was laughing too hard to continue, but Thor seemed to understand what he was referring to, because he cracked up as well. Steve almost smiled. He had never seen Tony laugh like that; he wanted to.

“Just skim through it,” Tony ordered gruffly, his face hard. Steve did, and he watched them play video games, watch television, play board games, drink a lot, and arm-wrestle. Tony shed his shirt after the pushup contest, and he swallowed as Thor did the same. Finally, they both crashed on his bed at four in the morning. And the video was over.

Tony snatched the StarkTablet out of his hands, and Steve glanced up at him. His stomach twisted in realization: nothing had happened.

“And there you have it,” Tony said in a low voice. Steve’s eyes softened, and his lips parted as he took in Tony’s tense shoulders, the hardness to his stare, his clenched fists. Guilt settled in the super soldier’s chest, and he opened his mouth, the apology bursting forth.

“Tony, I’m so sorr-” he began earnestly, but the engineer cut him off swiftly.

“Fuck you,” Tony said mildly, his voice empty of emotion.

“Tony-”

“Excuse me,” Tony interrupted, and stepped carefully around him, making sure not to touch him. “Bucky,” he acknowledged the speechless brunette sardonically, and then he was gone

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know. I just couldn't help myself :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony holes up in his lab...like usual.

A few days later, Tony was buried under empty whiskey bottles on the couch. He stared unseeingly at the T.V., not really paying attention to what was on. It was something about a girl and two vampire brothers, but she couldn’t seem to choose between them. Personally, Tony kind of hoped she went with the guy named Damon, because he seemed to need her the most.

He had stopped drinking a while ago, because it had basically become an endless string of being drunk and hungover. He hadn’t slept since the fight with Steve, since the only time he slept without nightmares was with the blond super asshole. Figures.

He stretched, and with a yawn, got to his feet. He scratched his head, pursed his lips, and stared at the mess. Wallowing in self-pity for three days sure got cluttered at times.

He shrugged and moseyed on over to the work area. One benefit about his binge-labbing was that he got a hell of a lot of work done. He had already made three new bows for Clint, an entire outfit for Natasha, and a new suit for Steve. He wasn’t finished with Bruce’s gift, but it was going to be spectacular, that was for sure. Thor just liked pop-tarts, so he wasn’t sure what to do with that.

“Sir,” JARVIS spoke suddenly, and he started.

“Fucking hell, J. What is it?” he demanded.

“The city is under attack. Director Fury has given the call to assemble,” the AI informed him, and Tony’s mouth dropped open. There hadn’t been a call for a while, and now the fucking city was under attack. Of course he had to be hungover and sleep-deprived.

Tony suited up and raced out of the lab for the first time in a couple of days. Steve was coming to get him, and they almost ran into each other.

“Tony,” Steve exclaimed, drawing up short, surprise flitting across his face. Tony was glad that Steve couldn’t see him, because he was hidden behind the suit.

“Captain,” he greeted shortly, and continued down the hall without stopping. He had a battle to fight; he wasn’t going to let Steve get in the way of that.

              ~

Tony blasted around the tall building, sending a powerful shot at the drone mindlessly rampaging down the street. There were dozens of them attacking the city, but they were contained to about 2 blocks. Definitely an attempt to re-create his suit, minus the pilot, Tony guessed.

“Clint, how many left?” Tony demanded into the comm, slamming his feet into one of the drones that aimed its metal arm at him, ready to fire. He whirled around and sent a blast at another that was advancing towards him threateningly.

“Around ten,” Clint answered, and suddenly an arrow flew into one of the heavy, metal drones surrounding him. Tony glanced up at the roof where Clint was perched, his bow drawn, an arrow already notched in the string.

“Nine,” Clint amended. Tony grinned, and shot into the sky, doing a quick perimeter check. Bruce had sat this one out, but Tony had promised to call if they needed the other guy. Natasha and the Cap held down on end of the perimeter, and he and Thor took the other. Everything between him and the God had been fine after Tony showed him the video and explained the situation.

Thor struck one with his hammer, sending it crashing into a nearby building.

“Hey guys, try to keep the destruction of public property to a minimum, please? Fury wasn’t happy with the last bill the city sent his way,” Steve reminded them over the com. Tony flew above the Cap’s head, and watched as he flung his shield at one. The shield sliced into the poorly crafted bot, and Tony smirked smugly. These were nowhere near the quality of his suits.

“Seven to go,” Tasha muttered, and he sighed. Despite how ridiculously easy this was, he felt like crap. He landed back in his area, and swiftly neutralized one that was straying too close to the perimeter for his liking. Luckily, SHIELD had already evacuated the area when they arrived, but it still wouldn’t be good if one got into a civilian population.

“Six,” Tony informed them.

“How you holding up on that end, Stark?” the Captain asked in his ear, and Tony swallowed the lump in his throat. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed Steve until he was close to him.

“Peachy,” he replied as casually as he could manage.

“Good. We’re just about done here.” Tony came to a stop in the middle of the street, his head spinning. He took several deep, steadying breaths.

“Five,” Natasha rumbled. Tony internally cursed himself for the drinking.

“Four,” Steve muttered. He should have known better than to let himself get that far because of some stupid fight.

“Three,” Thor said. Maybe starting a relationship with the Captain was a bad idea because of situations like this.

“Two,” Clint announced. His thoughts were all jumbling together.

“One,” Steve said, his voice colored with relief.

“Tony, watch out!” Clint shouted a little too late, and a sudden formidable force slammed into his side. He flew across the street and into a nearby building, crashing through the concrete painfully. He inhaled desperately, but the blow had knocked the wind out of him. After several terrifying seconds of gasping for air, he finally sucked some in, and relief washed through him.

He scrambled to his feet after a moment, his entire body protesting, and raised his arms, the gauntlets still attached to his wrists. The adrenaline was the only thing that kept him from collapsing in pain. He sent a strong blast at the drone who strode towards him menacingly. It soared back, smashing through a window. He stared after it triumphantly.

“Tony, are you okay? What happened?” Steve demanded through the comm, his voice breathy and frantic.

“I’m fine,” Tony coughed, the dust billowing up around him and stinging his eyes. The adrenaline had worn off a bit, and he was just now feeling the full extent of his injuries. His head ached, and his side burned. He was certain that he had at least cracked a few ribs, and his ankle stung when he put any weight on it. It was probably sprained. Also, his back felt wet.

“What happened?” Steve demanded in his Captain voice, with underlying panic.

“Fucker just caught me off-guard is all,” Tony rasped. “That’s all of them.”

“Are you hurt? Maybe you should get checked out in Medical,” Natasha suggested, and he rolled his eyes.

“I said I’m fine. The suit took the worst of it, anyway,” he replied, his side burning when he inhaled. “If that’s all, I’m going home now.”

“Fury wants to debrief us,” Steve told him, and Tony barked out a laugh, wincing.

“Tell Fury we don’t always get what we want.” He blasted into the sky and took off for the safety off his lab.

              +

“What happened? Is everyone okay?” Bucky demanded as soon as Steve walked through the door. Steve glanced at the brunette soldier, his brow furrowing. The team all went to do what they usually did after a battle: Clint and Natasha wound down by sparring, and Thor ate a whole lot of pop-tarts while watching T.V. in his room.

“Some bots were just terrorizing a few city blocks. Nothing major, and everyone’s fine. Didn’t Tony come back yet?” he questioned, pushing the sweaty hair away from his face.

“No,” Bucky replied confusedly. “Why? He’s not with you guys?” Steve shook his head, frowning.

“He skipped the debriefing. He should be back by now,” he answered worriedly. Bucky frowned, then lifted his head to the ceiling.

“JARVIS, is Tony in his lab?” he asked.

“The Sir is currently in the lab,” the AI informed them in his robotic voice. Steve sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“Perfect,” he muttered.

“Did anything happen with you guys?” Bucky inquired curiously, and Steve pursed his lips, making his way to the kitchen. Bucky trailed behind him. Steve pulled a water bottle out of the fridge, uncapped it, and took a long drink.

“Well, he was detached. Indifferent. We were both being professional. But then there was… an incident,” Steve revealed hesitantly. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew Bucky had grown fond of the dark-haired engineer, and he didn’t blame him. But if the situation were reversed, and he found out that Tony had a close call, he would be panicked.

“What?” Bucky asked, his voice flat.

“There was a bit of a close call. A drone caught him off guard and threw him into the side of a building,” he finally admitted, and Bucky’s reaction was immediate.       

“What?!” he shouted. “Is he okay?!”

“He refused to get checked out by Medical, so I guess I don’t know,” Steve replied with a sigh. Bucky turned and stalked out of the kitchen, and Steve followed him.

“What are you doing?” Steve demanded.

“I’m making sure the little punk is alright,” Bucky called over his shoulder without looking back. Steve exhaled, but didn’t protest. Bucky and Tony shared one thing in common; they were both insanely stubborn.

Bucky marched right up to the entrance of the lab. He rapped on the glass with his knuckles.

“Tony, open up!” he shouted, but the rock music blaring inside drowned out his voice. “JARVIS, Tony hasn’t revoked my clearance, has he?”

“No he has not, Sergeant Barnes,” JARVIS answered. And the doors slid open.

              +

Tony hobbled back into the work area from the bathroom, where he had been examining his wounds, and pulled up short, eyes widening. Two gorgeous super soldiers stared at him in open-mouthed shock.

“What the hell?” Steve exclaimed, and Tony grimaced. He knew he looked awful; his head was wrapped tightly in a bandage, but blood was still seeping through. A gash split his lower back from where he had made contact with the wall. His side burned with every breath he drew, and he was pretty sure he had broken a few ribs. His ankle also felt like it was broken, or maybe sprained. He hastily tried to lunge for his shirt to cover up his old scars and the wounds that would certainly leave new ones, but Bucky sprang forward, his handsome face livid.

“Goddamit, Tony!” the brunette super soldier growled, advancing towards him. Tony nervously backed up until his back hit the edge of the table, and he winced. Bucky towered over him.

“Why didn’t you get checked out in Medical?” Steve demanded furiously, taking Bucky’s side, both literally and figuratively. Tony’s gaze flashed between them as he cringed.

“I’m fine,” he said, and cleared his throat. “Really.” Steve rolled his eyes, as he was a little used to Tony’s stubbornness, but Bucky was not. His face flushed.

“You stupid fucking dumbass! What, are you trying to get yourself killed? I would slap you if there was a safe spot! We’re going to the hospital _right now_ , punk!” Bucky snarled. Tony cowered away, but the anger in the brunette super soldier’s eyes was mixed with fear and concern.

The side of him that wanted nothing more to make the soldiers happy longed to obey Bucky, but the part that was terrified of being close to someone else shied away. Also, hospitals? No thanks. Slowly, he shook his head.

“No! No way! Really, I’m fi-” he began, but then his stomach seized up. An excruciatingly painful cough rose inside him, and he doubled over, tears streaming down his face. He coughed until he felt like his chest was going to explode, until he felt something wet. He opened his eyes and bright red was splattered on the ground. He was coughing up blood, and he couldn’t stop.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh! What happened?!?!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's on drugs :)

Tony woke slowly, lulled into consciousness by the steady beep of the heart monitor. He sucked in a ragged breath, and managed a groan. Instantly, he felt a hand grab his and squeeze.

“Tony? Tony, how are you feeling?” Steve asked in a worried voice. Tony peeled his eyes open and peered up at the blond super soldier. Steve’s blue eyes were large with concern, and he had that little crease between his eyebrows. It brought a lazy smile to the engineer’s face.

“I’m great. How are you feeling?” he returned in a drawl, whatever pain medicine they had him on slowing his speech. Steve chucked shortly, looking taken aback.

“I’m… fine, I guess, but that’s not important. Does anything hurt? Do you need more pain meds? Some water?” Tony shook his head.

“Nope,” he said, popping the p. “I’m just peachy.”

“Not really, Tony. You broke three ribs, you had 46 stitches done on your back, your ankle is sprained, and you had a collapsed lung, which caused you to cough up _blood_!” Steve cried. Tony frowned.

“I’ve had worse,” he said with a shrug. “Where is Bucky? And the rest of the team?”

“They’re here. Do you want me to get them for you?” Steve asked shortly, and Tony noted the muscle in his jaw that kept twitching. Tony squinted, deliberating.

“Are they angry?” he asked. _Are you angry?_

“Yes,” Steve growled, and then his face softened slightly. “You were being an idiot.” Tony shrugged with a small smile.

“Fair enough. They can come in so long as no one yells,” Tony decided, waggling a finger at the blond to emphasize his point. Steve smirked.

“I’ll go get them,” Steve promised. He stood up, but Tony’s hand shot out and grabbed Steve’s wrist. He knew what he had to do to make this right, and it would be so much easier if they didn’t have an audience.

“Wait. I want to apologize,” Tony said. Steve grinned hugely.

“Tony Stark is apologizing?” he exclaimed in mock surprise, and the engineer scowled at him.

“Not anymore he’s not,” Tony groused, sticking his lower lip out in a pout.

“No, that’s okay, go on,” Steve said, and wiped the smile off his face. Tony exhaled, staring at his hospital bedsheets. He idly thought that he must be on something that kept him relaxed because he wasn’t panicking over being in a hospital.

“I’m sorry about not going to Medical when I should have,” Tony uttered, “and I’m sorry about before. I shouldn’t have blamed you for thinking what you did.” There was a moment of silence, and he peeked up to gauge the super soldier’s expression.

“It’s my fault,” Steve whispered. “I should have trusted you. I know who you are, and I know that you would never do something like that.” Tony looked him right in the eye. _Natasha was right_.

“I wouldn’t,” he agreed. “Because I’m in love with you.” Steve sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes widening. Tony just regarded him calmly, watching the range of emotions that flashed across the soldier’s face. Shock, joy, awe, finally settling on loving. Steve abruptly lurched forward and captured his lips in a tender kiss. The captain’s lips were soft moving against his own, his strong hands tangling in the engineer’s hair. Tony made a needy little whine in the back of his throat.

His chest ached with the honesty of his confession. God, he loved Steve so damn much. Tony loved the way he smiled, the way he talked, the way he moved, the way he crossed his arms, the way he looked at him, the way he was always looking out for the team, the way he always faintly smelled of spices and soap.

When Steve finally pulled away, Tony was breathless and flushed with desire. The look in Steve’s eyes tightened his stomach in a really good way.

“I love you. So much,” Steve breathed. Tony exhaled happily, and when Steve’s hand cupped his cheek, he leaned into it. The soldier brushed his thumb over Tony’s lower lip.

“I’m yours,” Tony replied simply. “Always.”

“Then I have a favor to ask,” Steve replied, his face glowing, a joyful smile spreading across his lips.

“Anything,” Tony promised.

“Please stay here for a couple of days.” Tony opened his mouth to protest, and Steve placed a finger against his lips, successfully quieting him. “I know you’re gonna want to get up and run to the lab to work, but I think that would give us all a stroke. You almost died… again.” Tony smiled.

“Almost being the key word there,” he replied. Once you’ve had as many near-deaths as Tony had, they kind of stopped being significant.

“Humor me.” Steve was giving him the puppy dog face again. How could he say no? It was an unfair advantage. Those big blue eyes pleaded with him, and with a sigh, Tony gave in.

“Okay,” he grumbled, then winced as pain flashed down his spine, echoing in his tailbone.

“What hurts?” Steve immediately demanded. Tony frowned.

“Just my back,” he admitted. Steve moved towards the door.

“I’ll get you more painkillers from the nurse,” he offered, and Tony grinned. Steve was going to get him high.

“Alright, Steve,” he conceded, a sly edge to his voice as he very deliberately spoke the soldier’s name. Steve gave him a heated look, and Tony cackled deviously. He gestured to the door. “Well? Go get the team. They’re waiting.” Steve just shook his head, smiling as he made his way to the door.

“You’re going to pay for that later,” he promised. Tony smirked.

“Looking forward to it.”

The door shut behind the blond super soldier, and Tony sank back on the pillows, a ridiculously happy smile spreading across his face. He had confessed his love for Steve, and it had gone well- amazing, in fact. Steve loved him back and that was all that mattered. Tony might be bad for him, but he was exhausted of fighting his feelings. Even if it didn’t last, didn’t he at least deserve a few fleeting moments of happiness? His thoughts were interrupted when the door was flung open.

“Tony!” Natasha cried, poking her head through the doorway with a shit-eating grin. She didn’t wait for a response, just bounded across the room and threw herself at him. Tony froze in shock for a moment as her arms wrapped around him, then awkwardly hugged her back. He was surprised at her enthusiastic greeting.

“Hey, Spidey,” he greeted her with a small smile. She pulled back abruptly and stared at him hard, her expression serious.

“You gave us a heart attack! From now on, you’re getting checked out after every single battle, understand?” Tony bit back a chuckle, and nodded.

“Sure thing, Tasha,” he agreed calmly, because he knew better than to argue with her when she was like this. He glanced up at the rest of the team, and was amused to find various levels of shock displayed on their faces. “What? I am capable of being reasonable!” Bucky scoffed, and Tony met his gaze for the first time since he was admitted into the E.R. There was an edge to his blue eyes that caused guilt to blossom in Tony’s chest.

“Friend Anthony, you mustn’t be so careless with your health. You caused us great worry,” Thor informed him solemnly.

“I know. I’m sorry, big guy.”

“You should be,” Bruce chided the engineer. “Who else would be my ‘science bro’?” Tony cracked a grin at that.

“It’s catching on!” he exclaimed, and Bruce offered him a small smile in response. He glanced at Steve excitedly, and the blond soldier was staring at him with adoring eyes.

He cast his gaze back down at the bedsheets shyly, and he felt Natasha squeeze his arm gently. He glanced back up, and her cat-like green eyes were soft.

“I’m really glad that you’re okay. I don’t know what we would have done if-” her voice trembled slightly, and she bit her lower lip. Tony smiled at her reassuringly.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about it,” he replied.

“Might want to do the math on all the ‘I’m fines’ someday, buddy,” Clint said. His arms were crossed, and he looked a little ruffled.

“Clint,” Tony sighed. He just wanted to see his friends without fighting. Also, he really wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. But before Clint had a chance to continue, someone else did.

“He’s right,” Bucky growled, stepping forward. Tony glanced up at him with wide eyes, as he’d never heard him sound like that before. A muscle was twitching in his jaw. “You can’t just brush something like that off. Even if your own life doesn’t matter to you, it matters to me. It matters to everyone, so treat it a little fucking better, please.” Tony blinked at the brunette soldier in shock, and Steve turned to stare at him with wide eyes. Even Natasha looked surprised, which was saying something.

“Bucky…” Tony’s voice trailed off. He didn’t really know what to say to that. There was a moment of tense silence.

“Maybe we should give them a minute,” Bruce suggested, looking uneasy, his gaze darting back and forth between them.

“Yeah,” Clint agreed hastily, and ducked out of the room. Bruce followed, and then Thor left with a confused expression. Steve looked to Tony, and the engineer nodded at him reluctantly. Natasha dropped a kiss on his cheek, then hopped off the bed and darted out of the room. The door shut loudly, and Tony chewed his lip, studying Bucky cautiously. Something burned in the back of his steely-blue eyes, and it sent a shiver racing down Tony’s spine.

“Look, I didn’t know how bad it was,” Tony began, but the soldier cut him off.

“Bullshit, Tony. I saw you! You looked like you’d been hit by a car! There’s no way you didn’t notice,” he snapped. Tony’s eyes narrowed, and a flash of anger ran through him.

“Of course I fucking noticed!” he snarled. “I couldn’t _breathe_! I just didn’t think it was that bad. I figured that I could fix it myself.” Bucky’s eyes softened slightly, and he exhaled heavily.

“You can’t just fix everything yourself, you know. It’s okay to need help sometimes.” Tony stared back at him evenly.

“I know. But other people have a habit of…not being helpful. I’ve found that it’s better to deal with stuff myself. But I am sorry that I scared you,” Tony offered. A small smile curved the brunette soldier’s lips.

“You’re a punk,” he accused, but his eyes were warm. Tony smiled in relief.

“I know.”

+

Bucky pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and resting his chin on his kneecaps. He studied the sleeping engineer with stormy eyes. He had wanted to stay mad at him for longer, but he couldn’t. Not with those large brown eyes staring at him hopefully, framed with thick lashes.

After they had awkwardly hugged it out, the others came back in and chatted for a while, about trite things like cafeteria food. They had left for a while, to go home and shower, but not Bucky. He and Steve had stayed to keep an eye on the sleeping man to make sure he remained stable.

Steve… a twinge of guilt shot through him. He glanced across the room, and Steve caught his gaze, giving him a friendly smile. Bucky mustered up an empty smile in response. He felt so bad about the way he was thinking lately, about Tony. He couldn’t help it. He had grown affectionate- too affectionate- of the dark-haired punk. And he’d be fine with that if Tony and Steve weren’t together, but they were, so he wasn’t. He would just have to stay away from him, that’s all. You can’t like someone if you don’t spend time with them… right?

“What’cha thinkin’ about?” Steve asked sleepily, and Bucky glanced up at him.

“Tony,” he answered honestly. Steve raised his eyebrows, though he didn’t look angry, or surprised for that matter.

“What about him?” Bucky shrugged.

“He’s an idiot,” the soldier replied. Steve smirked.

“Agreed. But he’s a lovable idiot, huh?” Bucky tried not to look too serious when he answered.

“Definitely.” If Steve noticed the way his voice shook slightly, he didn’t comment on it. He was busy gazing at Tony, love shining clearly in his eyes. Bucky’s resolve strengthened; he was not going to be the one who messed things up for Steve. His friend was happy, and that was all that mattered.

+

Tony was released a few short days later. He was pleasantly surprised how fun his visit had been, despite that gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach that he always got around Doctors. Steve had stayed with him the whole time, never leaving his side. The team came to see him often, but Fury was having them investigate the bots a lot, trying to figure out who sent them and why. Tony was itching to delve into it, but he had promised Steve.

They passed the hours by playing cards, listening to music, reading, talking about everything and nothing, and Tony’s favorite: watching the blond super soldier sketch. He truly was talented, and Tony loved the way his eyes would grow distant, and he would get that little crease in between his eyebrows. Once, his tongue had poked out in concentration, and Tony had yanked him up by his shirt and kissed him hard. Steve was flushed with desire and surprise by the time he pulled away. It was a good look on him. And for once, Tony felt sort of content, apart from one thing.

Bucky. Ever since he woke up that first morning, the brunette had been distant, only speaking to Tony when he said something first. Tony was a little hurt, and he wondered where he went wrong, what he said to piss him off.

After they had talked it out, Tony had thought everything was fine. And now it was just like when they first met and the soldier was like a shadow. It was like the past few weeks had been erased, and the easy comradery they had established was gone. It stung more than a little bit, but he tried to not let it bother him. He had Steve. He had no right to want Bucky too.

So when he walked out of the hospital, arm in arm with the most beautiful man in the world, he let a smile spread across his lips, not at all hindered by Bucky’s absence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happiness, I know! So rare in this fic...enjoy it while it lasts :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did say enjoy it while it lasts...here's where it ends.

“This is by far the shittiest version I’ve seen thus far,” Tony remarked mildly, brushing over the half-destroyed drone with feather-light hands, shifting parts aside and examining the mechanics beneath them. He glanced at Bruce, who was smiling at him with an odd look on his face. “What?”

“Just glad that you’re doing well. It’s nice to have you back in the lab,” Bruce admitted, and Tony laughed.

“Sap,” he accused affectionately, but he agreed. It really was nice to be back in the lab after at least a week of bedrest. He had thought that when the hospital released him, Steve would let him do something other than lie around, but the soldier had insisted on the entire week. Bruce had finally checked him out and cleared him for action; or as much action as the lab allowed. If something were to happen, and the Avengers were called to assemble, Tony doubted that the captain would let him fight.

“It is poorly built, but it has potential; whoever sent these is inexperienced, though brilliant. SHIELD needs to get on this, now,” Bruce murmured. Tony sighed. He had noticed the basic structure wasn’t as close to his suits, but the mechanics were very similar, the closest he’d seen so far.

“Or we could deal with it ourselves,” Tony suggested. Bruce shrugged.

“Whatever gets this nutjob behind bars,” he said in a low growl. Tony blinked in mild surprise. The curly-haired scientist usually had such a gentle, prim voice, and he wasn’t used to the edge coloring it.

“Agreed.”

“Sir, Captain Rogers is requesting entry,” JARVIS announced, and Tony quirked a smile. He remembered the start of all this, when JARVIS had said that to him on the morning Justin called to summon him, right as Steve was leaving. If Steve hadn’t been there, he realized, Tony would probably have died. He was suddenly grateful for the nagging. Now he understood that Steve had done it because he truly did care about him.

“Let him in,” Tony decided, his chest swelling with joy. The entire team had acted like his and Steve’s newfound joy grossed them out, but every time Natasha saw them together, she just about choked with satisfaction. Not for the first time that week, Tony thanked god (Thor?) that she had meddled with Steve’s love life.

The doors slid open, and Tony grinned at the sight of his personal blond Adonis, unable to help himself. Steve strolled in, and in his eyes, Tony saw the immense love there. It mirrored his own. Steve reached him swiftly, and swept him up in a mind-blowing, scorching kiss. Tony groaned softly, and the soldier affectionately nipped his lower lip.

“Hey,” Tony murmured when they parted, and he closed his eyes, resting his forehead on Steve’s.

“Hey, honey.” The engineer smirked at the nickname. It started in the hospital, and he absolutely loved it.

“What’s up?” he inquired softly, and opened his eyes to gauge his expression. The stunning blue of his eyes stole his breath away.

“It’s been about five hours since you came down here. I missed you,” Steve told him simply. Tony exhaled contentedly.

“Missed you too,” Tony replied with a small smile. Steve pressed another soft kiss to his lips, and embraced the engineer tightly. Bruce made gagging noises behind them. Without pulling away, Tony picked a wrench off the worktable and raised it over his head threateningly.

“Tony,” Steve warned.

“How the hell did you even know?” he demanded incredulously. The curly-haired scientist snickered.

“I know you, honey,” Steve explained with a smug grin. Tony stuck his lower lip out in a pout, and turned back to his work.

“Sure you do,” he grumbled, and Steve laughed, a warm, rich sound that sent butterflies swirling in the engineer’s stomach. He couldn’t help but smile in response.

“So, how’s Bucky adjusting?” Tony asked casually, but in truth he was dying to know. Bucky hadn’t spoken to him all week, and as the time passed Tony’s hope that it would pass lessened. He was tempted to confront Bucky and demand to know what his problem was, but if the brunette soldier didn’t want to be around him…well, Tony couldn’t say that he blamed him.

Pretty well, I think,” Steve answered. “He seems a little… off, though.”

“Well, that’s to be expected, right? I can’t imagine that it’s been easy for him,” Tony commented. Steve frowned, and pursed his lips.

“I haven’t seen the two of you spending a lot of time together,” Steve mused. Tony was silent. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

“Yeah,” Tony lied, but it sounded feeble, even to his own ears. He kept his eyes down at the half broken drone, hoping Steve would just let it go. He didn’t want to be the cause for distress in Steve’s life anymore; he had already done enough. But because Steve was who he was, he didn’t let it go.

“Hey,” Steve murmured, grabbing his chin and forcing the engineer to look up at him. His blue eyes searched Tony’s. “Talk to me.” Tony sighed.

“I don’t know. I think he’s mad at me,” he whispered, letting some of the hurt he felt at Bucky’s sudden abandonment slip into his voice. Steve released him at the confession, and held him loosely by the arms instead.

“Why would he be mad at you?” Steve inquired. Tony shrugged helplessly.

“Because I stole you away from him? Because I always fuck everything up? Because I’m an asshole? Take your pick,” he said.

“Tony… you’re amazing. So amazing that I can’t believe you don’t see it. Don’t ever think otherwise. If he’s mad, I’ll talk to him, okay?” Steve asked gently. Tony’s eyes widened, and he shook his head frantically.

“No, don’t talk to him about it,” he protested in a strangled-sounding voice. Steve gave him a curious look. “It’s fine, okay? I’m fine. If he doesn’t like me then it’s his business. Just leave it alone, please, promise me you’ll leave it alone.” Steve inhaled deeply, looking off to the side.

“Okay,” he agreed in a defeated voice, and Tony felt like kicking himself. He never should have even brought it up.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” he asked hopefully, desperate to wipe that troubled look off of his face. Steve turned to him and tried for a smile.

“Sure, honey. Let’s go,” Steve offered, and easily took the engineer’s hand.

“See ya later, Brucie-Bear,” Tony called over his shoulder as Steve led him out of the lab, smirking at the indignant expression on the scientist’s face.

              +

Bucky was miserable. He (stupidly) had gotten used to the dark-haired engineer’s company, and now he felt sort of…hollow without it. Truthfully, he really missed Tony. He missed talking to him, and he missed his sharp tongue and warm laugh. But he owed it to the both of them. He couldn’t mess up Steve’s relationship, and Tony didn’t deserve to have to deal with his unwelcome affections. He knew that what he was doing was for the best, but still…

Every time Tony walked in the room, he felt his heart skip a beat, then ache in longing. He didn’t even look at Tony because he feared that if he did, he would lose his resolve. So he kept his distance and suffered in silence. He got to know the others.

Natasha was awesome once you got used to her watchful green eyes. They followed your every movement, and Bucky sometimes felt like she knew exactly what he was thinking, which was unnerving. Other than that, she was great to be around. Despite his super strength, she was a serious match for him when they sparred, and it was one of the few things that gave him joy.

Clint was oddly entertaining. Tony had been right to label the archer as mischievous, because he really was. Bucky almost strangled him when he had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch and woke to find his metal arm covered in pink glitter. It had been a pain in the ass to remove, but he had gotten payback.

Thor was hilarious. The blond Asgardian had a serious obsession with pop-tarts, which was endlessly entertaining. And he also seemed to accept him whole-heartedly, which was wonderful and confusing all at once. Bruce was constantly around Tony or Pepper, so Bucky hadn’t got an opportunity to get to know him yet. But if Tony liked him, then Bucky was sure that he would, too.

Presently, he was stretched out in his bed, sketching absentmindedly. He glanced down at the paper, and was surprised to find that he had drawn Tony. In the picture, he was smiling, not the smirk he reserved for inappropriate comments, but the full-blown, genuine grin that warmed Bucky’s stomach. His eyes were dark and amused, and his hair was mused up around his head. A pang shot through him, and the sad smile that had spread across his lips retreated. God, he missed him.

He shut the sketchbook and flung it to the side. He needed to get out. He stood swiftly and made his way to the door. Halfway down the hall, he heard noises coming from the living room. He stepped inside, then quickly wished he hadn’t.

Steve hovered over Tony on the couch, gazing down with a broad smile. Tony smiled brilliantly up at him, and reached up to press a sweet kiss to Steve’s lips. Jealousy, hot and strong, surged through him.

“Feel better?” Steve asked in a low voice when they broke away.

“Yeah,” Tony replied.

“I’m sure Bucky will come around eventually,” Steve assured him, and the breath froze in his throat. Tony frowned.

“He doesn’t like me,” Tony countered. “You can’t force him to. I’ll just have to suck it up and deal, even if it hurts.” Steve must have sensed his presence, or maybe he heard the small shocked noise Bucky made, but he glanced up and their eyes connected. Tony looked up as well to see what Steve was looking at, and his dark eyes widened in horror. Bucky turned and fled.

              +

“Oh my god,” Tony groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t believe he heard me.” Steve rubbed his back soothingly.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, honey,” he reassured the engineer.

“I’ll bet he hates me even more now,” Tony muttered, his voice muffled by his hands. Steve exhaled, and got to his feet. Tony lifted his head, and Steve was floored by the anguish there. Those misty dark eyes gazed up at him in confusion and what looked like fear.

“Where are you going?” he mumbled brokenly.

“To find Bucky,” Steve admitted. Tony’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist desperately.

“No, Steve, don’t!” His voice faltered, and he dropped his head again, his hair hiding his expression. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Of course you didn’t, honey,” Steve soothed him, and he sat on the couch next to him, pulling the engineer into his lap. He wrapped his arms tightly around Tony’s middle, and buried his face in the crook of his shoulder, inhaling deeply. He loved the way the dark-haired man smelled… like fresh laundry, body wash, with a faint whiff of gasoline.

“I ruined everything. Again,” Tony murmured, almost sounding resigned. Steve frowned, and pressed a kiss into the engineer’s neck.

“No you didn’t,” he disagreed, but Tony was silent. The air felt heavy, and Steve was filled with dread. He knew how Tony was sometimes when he got this way; he took the blame for everything, and held the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was quiet for a few moments before Tony took a deep breath.

“It’s okay,” Tony finally said. “You can go to him. I won’t… I won’t let it affect the team. We can still be friends, even though this is over.” Then he disentangled himself and stood up. Steve’s mouth dropped open in shock, and his head spun. He couldn’t do anything but watch numbly as Tony left the room without so much as a backwards glance.

              +

Bucky stood outside Steve’s door, his fist raised, torn. He wasn’t sure if he should just go or stay and figure things out. He was leaning towards leaving when his mind was made up for him. Inside of the room, he heard quiet sobs.

He opened the door slowly and peered inside. It was dark, and it took a moment to find Steve hunched over on the floor. He rushed over to him, and placed a hesitant hand on his shaking shoulders.

“Steve?” he asked uncertainly. The blond soldier lifted his head, and Bucky was shocked to find tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes were red, like he had been crying for a while.

“He locked me out,” Steve mumbled brokenly, and Bucky arched an eyebrow in confusion.

“Who?”

“Tony,” Steve answered numbly. “Everything was fine one moment, and then he just left, saying how it was okay, that we could still be friends even though it was over.” Bucky blinked. He didn’t really know what to say to that.

“I’m sorry. Did he say why?” Bucky asked quietly. Steve just shook his head with a terribly hollow look in his damp eyes. Bucky felt sick. This couldn’t be because of him, could it?

“He said he ruined everything again. I think… I think he said I could go to some ‘him.’” Bucky sank down on the floor beside his wrecked friend, and patted him on the back awkwardly.

“It’s okay, Stevie. Look, I’m sure this will all blow over soon, okay?” Steve turned to him.

“Buck, why have you been avoiding him?” Bucky froze. How did he tell his best friend that he was in love with his boyfriend?

“What are you talking about?” Bucky tried, but Steve just gave him a look, and shook his head.

“Don’t even try to deny it, Buck. You barely even look at him anymore. Do you not like him or something?” Bucky sighed, frustrated, and raked a hand through his hair. Like that was the problem.

“No, he’s fine,” Bucky muttered.

“Then what is it?” Steve pressed.

“Just drop it, Steve,” Bucky warned, but Steve set his jaw stubbornly. His bright blue eyes were blazing, and Bucky knew that Steve wouldn’t let up until Bucky told him.

“No,” Steve said, confirming Bucky’s suspicions. “Just tell me and we can figure it out.”

“Fine!” Bucky ground out, narrowing his eyes. “But just remember, you asked for it!” Steve smiled triumphantly, and Bucky blew a strand of hair out of his face, scowling. Steve’s face was expectant as he waited for Bucky to continue. “The problem isn’t that I don’t like him,” he began. “The problem is that I do.” He swallowed. “A lot.”

Steve blinked, looking surprised. “You mean… like him?” Bucky nodded guiltily. He expected Steve to yell at him, hit him, kick him out of the room or the tower, but instead Steve just laughed. Bucky frowned, raising an eyebrow in confusion. Steve just kept laughing, until his eyes were filled with tears.

“What’s funny?” Bucky inquired icily.

“It’s funny- that you think- this is news to me!” Steve got out between giggles.

“Excuse me?” he snapped, and Steve finally seemed to notice his mood. He attempted to sober up, but Bucky could tell he was fighting a smile.

“I’ve seen the way you look at him, Buck,” Steve said softly, his blue eyes trained oh him. “It’s the way you used to look at me.”

              +

“Shit,” Tony slurred as he stumbled into a work table, knocking a glass of whiskey off. The glass shattered on the hard floor, shards flying everywhere, amber liquid spreading. He had to be about half a bottle in already, and his coordination wasn’t doing so well.

But this was to be expected. After all, this was a cause for celebration. He, Anthony Edward Stark, had done something selfless for once in his life. He loved Steve. But Steve loved Bucky. Tony could see it when they looked at each other, the bond that had lasted over ninety years and had survived even death. Steve wanted Bucky, but was too much of a gentlemen to leave him and go after what he really wanted. So the only thing to do was to step aside.

He had left Steve on the couch without so much as a backwards glance, because even though he understood that he was doing the right thing, he couldn’t bear to see the joy on Steve’s face. He had, of course, went down to the lab and locked the floor down, which meant that Steve couldn’t follow him, and, hopefully, that Natasha couldn’t kill him when she found out. He would just have to explain to her why this was better.

Now they didn’t have to worry about him anymore. They could just be together with no regrets, and maybe Bucky wouldn’t hate him so much now. Now that Tony wasn’t stubbornly standing between their happiness.

“JARVIS,” he mumbled as he strode through the sea of glass shards to get to the couch, barely flinching at the stinging on the bottom of his feet. He plopped down with a pained sigh.

“Yes, sir?” JARVIS answered after a moment, and Tony could almost feel the disapproval in the AI’s voice.

“Bring up the video feed from Steve’s room,” he requested dazedly, because it was his damn tower and he at least deserved the chance to see his selflessness pay off. The video was displayed on a holographic screen, and Tony was confused for a moment because it was so dark. But then he made out the two figures on the floor, locked in an intimate embrace. He reared back, put his hand up to block the view.

“Alright, close it,” he ordered in a strangled sounding voice, and the video disappeared. Well, then. They didn’t waste any time. He had been right to step aside.

“Sir, if I may,” the AI began, but Tony was tired.

“Mute,” he said, and then there was silence. He leaned back on the couch, propped his bleeding feet up on the armrest, and took a swig of the whiskey. Only a million and a half more to go, he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs* Oh, Tony.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony fucking loves his lab, doesn't he.

Tony stayed holed down in the lab for two weeks, two miserably long weeks. He occasionally ventured out for food, but he made sure the pathway was clear before doing so. He was giving the happy couple some space despite the frequent knocks on his door. Bruce, Pepper (until she had to leave for a business meeting), Tasha, Clint, Thor, Steve, Bucky, they all took turns trying to coax him out, but he never listened. He could be the better person by stepping aside, but he wasn’t big enough to be around them yet, watching them hug, kiss, laugh together… it would be too much for his fragile sanity.

And fragile it was. He had fallen back into his old pattern of going 72 hours without sleep, and it was really starting to get to him. Before, he always had Steve to bring him to bed, to cuddle with him as he fell asleep, to keep the demons at bay. But the absence of the soldier from his bed was a gaping hole in his chest.

All of his old nightmares had resurfaced with a vengeance, and he could only manage a couple of hours at most before he woke screaming in a sweat-drenched panic. He dreamt once again about his father returning, about Obadiah both literally and figuratively ripping out his heart, about his captors in Afghanistan shoving his head under the water. And a few new ones had arisen; all involved Steve.

He wished he had never let himself even try to be with him, because then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much. Or better yet, he wished that Pepper hadn’t found him when he had slashed his wrists open in an effort to escape himself. Sometimes the self-loathing was so strong he couldn’t breathe...

He shook his head as if to clear it. It had been a couple days since his last kitchen raid and his stomach was growling loudly. It brought a grimace to his face, and he sighed.

“J, are Bucky and Steve in the kitchen?” he asked reluctantly. The AI took a moment to respond, and he got the feeling that JARVIS was a little mad at him, but for what, he didn’t know. It wasn’t like he was being selfish here.

“Master Rogers and Master Barnes are not currently in the kitchen,” JARVIS replied.

“Good,” he muttered, and pulled on a black t-shirt. He had ripped off his AC/DC shirt after waking last night, and it was buried among the empty whiskey bottles. His sweatpants were stained with grease from the bike he’d been building, so he exchanged them for a pair of black jeans. He raked a hand through his hair and strode up to the exit.

“Open up, J,” he requested, and the doors slid open. Head down, he stepped outside, and he heard someone clear their throat conspicuously. Tony glanced up and froze in absolute shock.

Steve, in all his gorgeous super soldier-ness, was leaning against the wall, arms folded across his muscular chest. Tony’s eyes widened, and without a word, he spun on his heal to go right back to the safety of his lab. A pissed off brunette assassin blocked his path, handsome face both infuriated and smug, an odd combination.

Tony slowly turned back to Steve with a grimace. Those bright blue eyes regarded him calmly, but there was a certain determination there that sent chills down his spine.

“You cheeky bastards,” he accused in a steady voice. “JARVIS! Why didn’t you warn me?!”

“You only asked if they were in the kitchen, sir. You did not specify any other locations,” JARVIS replied, a bit smugly, if you asked Tony. The engineer sighed, and regarded Steve wearily. His heart, which had gone dormant for the duration of his hideout, sprung to life and started hammering in his chest.

“We need to talk,” Steve informed him in a cool voice. Underneath his calm exterior, he seemed… off. His eyes were a little wild looking. Tony swallowed nervously, putting his hands up.

“I don’t think so,” he disagreed quickly, and slowly backed away. Bucky and Steve matched him step for step until he found himself in a corner. They watched him with an almost predatory look that curled his stomach. He wondered if they were going to beat him up.

“Tony… why did you leave me?” Steve asked in a low voice. Tony flinched, because there was an undertone of pain and desperation in the question, and he was the one who had put it there. If only he was strong enough to just be happy for them, then they wouldn’t be so upset. But could they not see that he was doing this for them? They should just appreciate it and leave him to his misery.

“Because I’m not stupid. I see how you two look at each other. You love him,” Tony snapped, jerking his thumb at Bucky, still managing to not meet the assassin’s gaze. Steve took another step forward, and Tony wished he was anywhere but here.

“I love you too.” The breath hitched in Tony’s throat, and his face crumpled. Why? Why did he have to say that?

“But you love him more. I get it,” Tony croaked. “You don’t have to choose. You have my blessing, or my forgiveness. Whatever you want from me, you have it!” Steve strode up to him until they were practically eye to eye. His hands reached up and cupped the engineer’s cheeks, and his bright blue eyes were both pained and loving.

“I want you! You stupid, lovable genius!” Steve whispered, and leaned in, his minty breath ghosting across the engineer’s lips. Tony practically melted against him, and all he could think about was how soft the captain’s lips were and how right they felt against his own. Then the last two weeks of agony came rushing back into awareness.

“No!” he abruptly shouted, and shoved at Steve’s chest. Steve stumbled back with a surprised look on his face. Tony stepped to the side, breathing hard, trying to get a hold on his jumbled thoughts. He wanted Steve, god, he wanted him. But if he just gave in now, then the last two weeks would have been for nothing. All his efforts to do right by Steve will have been for nothing.

And what about Bucky? Bucky was right there! And they loved each other! How could Steve act like he loved Tony when Bucky clearly held his heart?

“Tony…” It was Bucky who spoke in a voice rough with strain. Tony didn’t turn, just kept his back to them and breathed slowly, in and out. “You were right. I was avoiding you.” At this, Tony spun, eyes wide with hurt. He had known, of course, but it still stung.

“Why?” he whispered, searching those steely blue eyes desperately.

“It wasn’t because I didn’t like you. It’s because I do like you, Tony. More than I should. I want you,” Bucky confessed passionately, “even though I have no right to.” Tony inhaled sharply, his cheeks flushing in pleasure and awe. Bucky just stared back at him with his beautiful steely-blue eyes. Then reality came crashing back down around him. His head spun at the rapid turn of events. Bucky… and Steve…wanted him?

“But-” Tony eventually managed. “But you and Steve love each other.” Bucky nodded seriously.

“I won’t deny that, darlin’. We always have, ever since we were kids. But it never seemed quite right until you came along,” Bucky drawled, offering him a charming, lopsided smile. Tony nodded slowly, as if he got it, then shook his head.

“I don’t get what you’re saying,” he admitted.

“I’m saying that we both love you. And we both love each other. And there’s no reason why that should end it all,” Bucky explained. Tony scrunched up his nose.

“How could it not end?” he demanded. “We all have a choice to make, and at least one of us is going to end up with a broken heart.” _Me. I won’t let it be either of you_.

“Unless we don’t make a choice,” Bucky murmured. Tony raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not following.”

“I know it’s not exactly normal, but we’ve been doing some research. It could work with all of us…together,” Steve said softly. Tony gaped at him.

“So you’re suggesting that… you and I and the Cap all be together in a polyamory relationship?” he asked incredulously, glancing back to Bucky for confirmation. Bucky just nodded, like, _duh_! Tony glanced at Steve to try to get a read on what he thought of this. The blond super soldier gazed back at him with a hopeful look in his eyes, his cheeks flushed. “I still don’t get it,” Tony confessed. “Why do you even want me at all? It would be so much easier if it were just the two of you.”

“Have you been listening at all, honey?” Steve interjected. “We’re not aiming for easy. And it wouldn’t be right with just the two of us. Because we’ve realized that neither one of us can live without you.” Tony’s lips parted, and he stood there, speechless.

“You haven’t tried,” he eventually managed. “Maybe you could if I left. If you just let me go. I could move to the house in Malibu and that would be the end of it.” Steve looked crushed, and Tony winced.

“Let you go?” Bucky scoffed, his eyes narrowed. “Right, like it’s that simple!” His voice held enough venom to poison an elephant, and Tony blinked in surprise because it was directed at him. It ignited a rush of anger and defensiveness inside him.

“It is,” Tony countered, his voice trembling. “I let Steve go because I knew that it was best for him, because I love him. If you claim to care about me then you should do the same!” Bucky’s eyes flashed, and a humorless smirk curved his lips.

“Right, Tony. And you just happen to know what’s best for everyone,” he spat.

“Not everyone,” he disagreed calmly. “But I do know that both of you would be better off without me. And I would be better off if I didn’t have to live with the knowledge that I’m fucking up your chance at happiness!”

“What makes you think you’d be fucking it up?” Bucky demanded furiously. And then Tony just snapped. He didn’t want to fucking be here having this bullshit argument over whether not he should be with them. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. It was that simple.

“Because _I’m_ fucked up, you dumbass!” he snarled. “I can’t sleep for more than a few hours at a time because I wake up screaming. I can’t breathe when I remember how often I huddled in my room as a kid because I was scared that my old man would see me and beat the hell out of me for fun. That’s how much my own _father_ hated me!” He ignored the strangled sounding cry that tore from Steve’s lips. He ignored how pale Bucky’s face had gone, how wide his blue eyes were. He ignored it, because it was all pouring out now and he couldn’t stop.

“I can’t think about that time I flew a fucking nuke into that goddamn alien portal because every time I do I wind up hyperventilating on the fucking floor. I can’t deal with the fact that I can’t let people touch me because sometimes it sends me right back to that fucking cave in Afghanistan where they tortured me for weeks because I wouldn’t build them weapons, which is the only thing I’m good at! I can’t function as a normal human being, because I can’t be handed things!” He glared at Steve, but he wasn’t really mad at Steve. He was just mad.

“You know why, Steve?” he hissed. “Because your precious Howard used to hand me a cane, a belt, and a wrench and tell me to choose which one he hit me with. Sometimes I chose the wrench just to spite him. That’s why I can’t do hospitals, because I can still feel his hand, heavy on my shoulder as a reminder of what would happen if I told the doctor that I didn’t fall and hit my head.” Both soldiers looked close to throwing up. Like they wanted to flee, but couldn’t because they had to know. Good, he thought savagely. Maybe this will scare them off.

“I can’t think about the fact that I lost my virginity when I was fucking thirteen years old, and it was not by choice. I can’t think about the fact that the same man then ordered a hit on me that landed me in the cave in the first place. I can’t think about the fact that the same man, both figuratively and literally, ripped out my heart and left me to die.

“I can’t handle being scared all the time that someone would see me shirtless and put it all together,” he finished in a whisper. With that, he pulled off his shirt and turned around, exposing the pale white scars crisscrossing his upper back, the cuts, the bruises, the cigarette burns, all of it. He heard them inhale sharply, but he didn’t want to see the look on their faces. He turned back to them, keeping his eyes down, and displayed his wrists so they could see the still healing scars.

“And these from both the times I tried to off myself. So now you know, Steve, why I pushed you away for all that time. It’s because I am damaged at best. But I guess you’ve already figured that out.” Without another word, he spun on his heel and left them standing there.

+

Jules smiled in satisfaction as the sports car sped out of the garage, Mr. Stark’s expression that of irritation and relief, an odd combination. Mr. Stark certainly was a curious person, a very intelligent man. Talented, as well, which is why he was getting an invitation. Jules started his own car, not nearly as ostentatious as Mr. Stark’s. But that was the point, now wasn’t it? They could not draw attention to themselves until the boss said so.

He drove slowly behind the bright red car, pacing it so the man would not grow suspicious that he was being followed. Without taking his eyes off of the target, he pulled out his cell phone and carefully dialed the boss’ number.

“Hello?” the pleasant sounding voice answered on the second ring. Jules was not fooled. He knew how quickly the master could fly into a blind rage, and it always kept him on his toes.

“Sir, it’s me. He left,” Jules informed him in a neutral tone. There was a pause, and he could almost hear the smile in the boss’ voice when he replied.

“Mr. Stark is alone? None of the others are with him?” Jules nodded, then remembered that he could not see him.

“Yes, sir. None of the others accompany him. He is in a bright red sports car driving east,” Jules reported. “Should I follow at a distance?”

“Do you have any idea where he is headed?”

“No, sir,” Jules replied cautiously.

“Then tail him. And when you see an opening, call in Reid,” the boss ordered. A shudder ran down his spine at the thought of calling in the gray-eyed sociopath. But Reid was the only one the master trusted to apprehend them, and whatever the master wanted, the master got.

“Of course, sir,” Jules agreed, training his gaze on the back of Mr. Stark’s head. An almost giddy excitement coursed through him. At least now the surveillance part was over. No more waiting. This was where it all started.

“It is time Mr. Stark receives his invitation,” the master remarked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the bad guys hath been introduced :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony doesn't exactly get the vacation he was aiming for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. Sorry to do this...

“He’s gone,” Natasha reported, her voice wary. Steve stared unseeingly at the table, his fists clenching and unclenching. He still couldn’t believe the turn their conversation had taken. He had no idea that Tony was carrying that much on his shoulders, and bitterness filled every cell of his body when he recalled all the signs he had missed. He hadn’t been able to do anything but watch as the love of his life stormed away.

“Well, did you try tracking him?” Bruce asked in a slightly strained voice, and Steve finally glanced up. The curly-haired scientist wasn’t angry, though. He just seemed very worried. They all were.

“Tried,” Clint affirmed, his voice defeated. “He must have taken it out.” Silence fell over the room, and Bucky exhaled shakily. Tony had put in a tracking chip in his arm a while back because the kidnapping attempts were too frequent. Steve swallowed. The chip was pretty far into his arm; he would have had to cut deep to get it out, which means heavy blood loss. They had upset him that badly.

“So, he’s really gone then. We drove him off,” Bucky said helplessly, and Steve swallowed. His heart ached when he imagined everything Tony had gone through all by himself.

“What the hell did you guys say to him?” Natasha demanded, not for the first time. Steve exchanged a look with Bucky, who seemed as miserable as he felt.

“It wasn’t so much what we said to him as it was what he said to us,” Steve murmured. “He finally told me everything, Tasha.” Her lips parted in surprise.

“How bad was it?” she asked in a low voice. Steve ran a trembling hand through his hair, and a slightly hysterical laugh escaped him.

“Pretty bad.”

“I do not understand,” Thor grumbled, crossing his arms over his massive chest. “What has happened to friend Anthony?”

“Steve… we need to know,” Natasha prompted him gently, and he closed his eyes. All he could see was the look on Tony’s face when he showed them his wrists…

“Howard abused him,” Steve choked out, still unable to believe it. “He showed us his back, Tasha, and it was covered in scars. Someone…someone raped him when he was thirteen, and then later tried to kill him. He explained why he doesn’t like to be touched, because he was tortured for weeks in Afghanistan. He has panic attacks, he doesn’t like to be handed things because… because Howard used to hand him things and tell him to choose which one he was to be beaten with. Tasha… he tried to kill himself!” Tears filled his eyes by the end, because saying it out loud only made it seem that much more real.

Natasha clapped her hand over her mouth, her eyes horrified. Bruce was shaking now, and taking deep breaths to calm himself. Clint looked nauseous, and Thor was enraged. Bucky’s eyes were bright with pain and fury.

“We have to find him. He shouldn’t be alone,” Bucky ground out. Steve shook his head.

“I think he needs time to breathe,” Steve disagreed. “I think we owe him as much.”

“Maybe he’ll come back on his own,” Clint said hopefully. Steve glanced at his team, and their eyes reflected his own emotions. Pain, hope, grief, anger, regret, guilt, helplessness… and he realized that these people loved Tony. How could they not? He was a part of them, and there was a hole where he should be.

“Yeah,” Steve murmured, though it sounded unconvincing even to his own ears. “Maybe he will.”

+

Tony woke slowly, and in the back of his mind he knew that something was wrong. It was cold- too cold. He peeled open his eyes, and gazed about at the dimly lit room with a pit of dread in his stomach. He was chained to the wall by his wrists, and the floor was damp and rough. He was dressed in unfamiliar clothing, and he frantically searched his thoughts for some clue as to how he got here. The last thing he remembered was driving down a highway in the middle of nowhere… and then nothing.

He must have been kidnapped. Again. His heart started hammering in his chest, and a fear unlike any other he’d ever known filled him. He had barely survived the last time, so he didn’t know how he would make it through this time. Assuming he got back.

His escape all depended on how dumb these ones were. The last ones weren’t the brightest, but they packed a mean punch, and they certainly knew how to…convince someone to help them. He knew nothing about who these bastards were, or what they wanted.

“Hey!” he shouted as loudly as he could manage. “What the hell do you want?” To his surprise, the heavy metal door screeched open, and two men completely clothed in black appeared, accompanied by masks. How cliché, Tony thought dryly. They strode up to him, and one of them leaned down and almost robotically began unchaining him.

“Are you two deaf or dumb?” Tony demanded in irritation, glaring at the masks where he estimated the eyes would be. Now he was playing a role, and that he was good at. He couldn’t let his fear show, or they would be no end to his sufferings.

They didn’t speak, just hauled him roughly to his feet. His legs felt weak beneath him, and he wondered what they had given him. He was shoved outside of the cell, and he tried to take in his surroundings. The hallway was long, narrow, and concrete. Sweat beaded on his forehead. God, he really hoped he didn’t die. Then the last memory Steve and Bucky would have of him…

_No_. He shook his head. If he thought of them then he would lose it. He had to look strong. He marched obediently in front of the soldiers, the occasional prodding of his back telling him where to go.

Finally they reached another door. One of the guards brusquely stepped in front of him to open it, and Tony saw a patch on the guard’s shoulder that said ‘ARK,’ whatever that meant. He also saw a chance. He took it.

He slammed the guard’s head into the door, and leaped back as the man slumped to the ground with a moan. He whirled around and barely blocked a swing from the other, managing to duck down and land a swift blow to his side. The guard grunted, but stayed on his feet. He planted a well-placed kick to Tony’s chest, and the engineer fell backwards with a huff as the breath left his lungs. The guard didn’t hesitate, just sprang forward and planted another kick to his stomach.

Tony groaned in pain, curling in on his side. _Nice going_ , he thought. _Kicking a man when he’s down._

The third kick landed on his knee, and the next thing he knew, a boot was crashing into his face. His vision went white for a moment, and he was blinded by the pain. Blood, hot and thick, ran down his face and into his mouth. He managed a slightly insane laugh, and rolled onto his back, spitting the blood onto the guard’s boot.

“That the best you got?” he drawled, and the guard reared back, preparing to deliver another blow. Tony stared him down without flinching.

“That’s enough!” a sharp voice commanded with such authority that even Tony paused. He glanced down the hall, and standing above the first guard’s crumpled form was a tall man, maybe 25 years old. The guard lowered his leg and stepped back, assuming a rigid stance with his arms at his side. Tony pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, holding back a pained noise. Obviously this guy was the one in charge, so it was time to make a not-good first impression.

After a moment Tony stood, and wiped his face with the back of his hand. It came away red. Regardless, he extended it towards the man with a charming smile.

“I’m Tony Stark. It’s really not that nice to meet you,” he said evenly, meeting the man’s icy blue eyes dead-on. He was a decent-looking guy, tall with slicked back blond hair and an easy smile.

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Stark. I apologize for the mess. I would not have let them treat you this way had I known,” he said in a slight Russian accent. Tony regarded him calmly.

“Very unoriginal,” he remarked. The man raised his eyebrows, pleasant smile still in place.

“I beg your pardon?”

“This tactic you’re employing,” Tony elaborated, allowing himself to appear almost bored. “It’s not very original. You have your boys beat me up and then you come in and stop them so I see you as the good guy. Perhaps this would work on someone with a mental illness, prick, but that’s not me. So whatever you want from me you can forget about it.” The smile widened, and unease settled over the engineer.

“I would not speak so soon if I were you, Mr. Stark. Right this way, if you please,” the man requested, and moved to the side, gesturing at the door. Tony narrowed his eyes at him, then stepped into the room. It was small, with white walls, a white floor, and a (yep, you guessed it) white ceiling. Describing it as simply furnished would be an understatement. There was only a metal table and two fold-out chairs.

The man shut the door behind them, and panic bloomed in the engineer’s chest. The small enclosed space was freaking him out, but he bit his lower lip and shoved it down. He couldn’t show them anything, or they might use it against him when he refused to build whatever they wanted him to build.

“Have a seat.” Tony sat, and the man took the seat directly across from him. Tony folded his hands and patiently waited for the man to get on with it. “My name is Jules. I’m sure you’re wondering why we brought you here.” Tony scoffed.

“No, not really. And who’s ‘we’?” he asked.

“A more recently founded organization called ARK. Why are you not surprised?” Jules inquired, surprisingly light about his “organization.” Most people like him were aching to tell you all about their creepy little organization. Perhaps he was just trying to get the engineer curious. Regardless, Tony knew how to act with these guys. You had to have the appearance of control, and you had to be unconcerned.

“Trust me, buddy,” Tony said, leaning forward and smirking at the blond. “This is not my first rodeo. Any second, the Avengers are going to bust in and kick your ass.” Tony expected fear, or at least some concern. Instead, Jules just looked amused.

“And how will they find you? We removed the tracking chip from your arm,” he returned smugly, nodding at the engineer’s arm. To Tony’s surprise, there was a bandage wrapped around his inner arm that he hadn’t noticed because of all the commotion, but it was there. His eyes widened in horror.

“No,” he breathed. Jules smirked.

“Yes, actually. Now, allow me to explain why you are here.” Tony sat back in his chair and stared numbly at the table. He was fucked. Totally and thoroughly fucked. “You are here because you are an extraordinary person. You are extremely intelligent and highly gifted in robotics and engineering. For these reasons, the boss decided that you are one of the very few to receive an invitation,” Jules explained in a gentle and prim voice.

“An invitation to what?” he growled. This was starting to get on his nerves, and it came through in his tone. The blond man didn’t seem to mind.

“An invitation to be a part of a new world. You see, this world is very corrupt. A couple of years ago, the master gathered a group of people who held the same belief, a group of people who were intelligent, or gifted in some way. You’ve actually met one of them,” Jules said.

“Oh?” Tony asked in a cold voice.

“Justin Hammer,” Jules elaborated, and Tony froze in shock.

“Excuse me?”

“Mr. Hammer was tasked with recruiting you. He insisted upon it because, as he put it, you two had a history together,” Jules said, and he was smiling in a way that made Tony sure that he knew about that history. “But instead of recruiting you he tried to kill you, killing himself in the process. No matter. He was not suited for the new world anyways.”

“What new world?” Tony asked, curious despite himself.

“A new world filled with only the strongest, the brightest, the most gifted. Once we’ve recruited the ones we wish to accompany us into this glorious new era, we will simply wipe out the old world,” Jules explained. Tony gaped at him.

“What the hell do you mean, ‘wipe out’?!” Jules inhaled, and an almost dreamy look entered his gaze.

“Are you familiar with the biblical story, Noah’s ark?” Jules began with a creepy reverence in his voice. Well, there it was: how the name tied in. Tony just stared at him evenly, trying not to let him know how much he was getting under the engineer’s skin. “God saw that the earth was corrupt and so he sent a great storm to wipe away all he had created. Although he told Noah to build an ark and take his family with him into the new world. He spared Noah because Noah was obedient and followed him without hesitance. Mr. Stark, I am offering you a chance.”

“A chance for what, exactly?” Tony inquired in a low voice.

“A chance to board the ark,” Jules replied, his eyes blazing with excitement. “Because the storm is coming, and the corrupt will perish. Unless you’d like to among them, you join our ranks.” Tony leaned forward in his seat.

“Go to hell,” he whispered, his voice filled with venom. Jules blinked in surprise, as if he actually expected Tony to join him.

“Mr. Stark, you’ve seen firsthand how cruel and mindless humans can be. Surely this-”

“Did not make me condone the extinction of an entire race,” Tony hissed, “apart from those your freaky little death cult deem worthy.” Jules frowned as if Tony’s words actually offended him. He hoped they did.

“Do not be so quick to turn down our offer, Mr. Stark. Some of your friends will also receive an invitation,” Jules said.

“Some?” Tony asked icily, and Jules laughed.

“Well, the archer for one. And the Black Widow. We have decided not to even bother asking Captain America, because we are fairly certain we can anticipate his answer. Definitely not the Asgardian. Or the Hulk. Both are too unstable.”

“And you’re what exactly?” Tony snarled.

“Trying to make a better world,” Jules said earnestly. “And we hope sincerely that you will accept our invitation to join us.” Tony sat back in his chair.

“Tell your master that I respectfully decline,” he ground out, setting his jaw and crossing his arms.

“I am very sorry you feel that way, Mr. Stark,” Jules said, and there was a genuine note of regret in his voice. “Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?”

“Not a damn thing.” Tony stared directly into those icy blue eyes.

“Then I apologize, Mr. Stark. Because these ensuing weeks will not be pleasant for you,” Jules murmured, and he nodded slowly. The door opened, and two new guards stepped inside. Suddenly they seemed a lot more menacing than before. “Take Mr. Stark down to the torture chambers and give him to Reid. Tell him to do whatever he deems necessary to convince Mr. Stark to join our ranks.” Horror filled every cell of Tony’s body, and he suddenly felt very sick.

“It won’t matter,” Tony managed. “I’ve been through the motions before. It didn’t work the last time and it sure as hell won’t work this time.” Jules just smiled.

“A lot of men think that until they meet Reid,” he said. “My condolences, Mr. Stark, for I would not wish what you are about to face on my worst enemy.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...these next few chapters will not be pleasant. Sorry not sorry! :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of bad shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I am a terrible, terrible human being, and I suck at updating. I've been really distracted with finals and such, but I'll try to be better. In this chapter, there are mildly disturbing scenes in which torture happens, so if that sort of thing makes your tummy turn, I'd suggest proceeding with caution.   
> Anyways, enjoy!

The guards, Tony quickly figured out, were assholes. They grabbed him roughly by the arms and hauled him out of the chair. Jules just sat there and watched with a regretful look in his eyes, as if he wasn’t the one causing it. Well, he did mention something about a ‘master’ which was just creepy, but again, he chose to work for the ‘master’ fuck.

The guards dragged Tony out of the room, and in a pathetic attempt to preserve his dignity, Tony tried to regain his footing and walk. He gave up after a couple of seconds of scrambling. So the assholes dragged him down the long corridor, and Tony saw his blood staining the floor from earlier. He figured there would be a lot more of that before the day was over.

At the end of the corridor, past his cell, there were some concrete steps leading down to, of course, the torture room. Seriously, the words ‘torture room’ were carved into the stone above the door, which was heavy and metal and intimidating. One of the guards rapped sharply against it, and after a brief yet incredibly long moment, it opened.

The most enormous human being Tony had ever had the displeasure of meeting dwarfed the doorway. He was extremely tall and muscular, like, anabolic steroids muscular. His skin was flushed and his face was slightly swollen, the telltale signs of an alcoholic. _That’s one thing we’ve got in common_ , Tony thought drily. The giant glanced down at Tony with the most intense eyes he had ever seen: gray, with a sadistic glint that told Tony it was going to be a miserable couple of hours.

“What have we got here?” Reid asked, and his voice was as unpleasant as he looked.

“Tony Stark,” one of the guards answered gruffly. “Jules said he needs convincing.” Tony couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. Reid glanced down at him.

“Something funny?” Tony knew he should stop, but then again, he didn’t want to.

“Yeah, I just find this prick’s word choice amusing,” he began in his most annoying tone, the one he used to address scumbags and pricks alike. “I mean, come on, ‘convincing’? Convincing is what you do at that frat party in college to get the cute little freshman into bed with you. Convincing is what I have to do to get Pep to forgive me after I intentionally miss a board meeting. Having someone tortured in order to get them to join your _adorable_ little organization… sorry, buddy, but it’s not called ‘convincing’. More like ‘fucked up’.”

Tony figured Reid would be at least slightly annoyed by the end of Tony’s rant, but instead he just looked pleased.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Reid practically purred. Tony paused.

“For what?” Tony snarked, aware that he was just getting in deeper. “Gracing you peasants with my godly presence? Allowing you mere mortals to gaze upon my glorious face? Letting you lowlifes lick the mud off my shoes?”

“Being a total and complete dick,” Reid answered, sounding positively gleeful. “Now, when I’m breaking those little fingers of yours, I don’t have to feel bad about it.” Ice ran through Tony’s veins, and he felt like he was going to throw up. He had known it would be coming, but that still didn’t make him any less terrified.

“Uh, actually, sir,” one of the guards interrupted, “Jules wants his hands left alone. Engineer, and all that.” Reid frowned.

“Alright, then,” he conceded, sounding truly disappointed. “No finger-breaking. Bring him in, will you?”

The guards dragged him inside, and Tony’s heart dropped into his stomach. There was a whipping post in the corner, and a cart with a lot of shiny, pain-inducing instruments laid out across the top. There was a fireplace embedded in one of the walls, and there were branding irons heating up over the flames. And in the center of the room… a drain. Presumably for the blood.

“Where do you want him, sir?” the guard asked. Reid glanced around, speculating.

“In the chair is fine to begin with,” Reid replied, and the guards set him down in a chair, then strapped him in. His ankles were bound, and his wrists were tied down to the armrests of the chair. Tony’s heart started hammering uncontrollably in his chest. He couldn’t move his hands. He _needed_ to be able to move his hands.

“Is that okay, sir?” the guard asked. Reid nodded absentmindedly, cleaning the tools on the cart.

“That’ll be all,” Reid replied. The guards nodded and then left. Tony focused on controlling his breathing, and slowing his heart rate. _This is going to hurt_ , he told himself. _But you can’t give in, Stark. You’ve gone through the motions before. Breathe. You can do this. Do it…do it for Steve, and Bucky, and everyone back home. You’ll get back to them, just get through this. Breathe._

Reid stalked over to him slowly, clearly enjoying the fact that Tony was tied up and helpless. He held a curved, cruel-looking blade in his meaty palm, and based on the way he held it… he knew how to use it. When he was standing over Tony, the engineer saw the soaked washcloth in his other hand.

“The annoying thing about cuts,” Reid began, looking almost bored, “is that they start to heal pretty quickly. They close up, and the pain subsides. Which isn’t conducive to our goal here. That’s why I have this helpful little washcloth here. It’s soaked with water, and lemon juice, and sprinkled with salt. The water will keep the cuts fresh, and the flavor is just to make it hurt a little more.”

Tony swallowed. “How considerate of you.” Reid smirked.

“Dick or not, I like you, Mr. Stark,” he said. “That’s why I’m almost sorry.” With that, he grabbed the blade and jammed it into Tony’s shoulder. The pain was sudden, and intense. Tony’s lips tightened, holding back a scream. He refused to scream, for as long as possible. He would not give the bastard the satisfaction of making him scream, not unless he could help it.

Reid pulled the blade out, which hurt like a bitch, and then lifted the washcloth to the wound. He pressed it against the hole, which was oozing blood, and Tony hissed in pain. His eyes were watering, and he tried to get away from the cloth, even in the chair. Reid laughed at the pathetic attempt.

“You’re not going anywhere, Mr. Stark. We’ve only just begun.” Tony worked up some saliva, and then spat it into the son of a bitch’s leering face. Reid reared back in disgust, and wiped the spit away with revulsion.

“Fuck you,” Tony snarled. Reid smiled, and set the washcloth and knife down on the table, which he had wheeled over. Tony watched as he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, and lit it with a zippo. He drew in a lungful of smoke and then blew it into Tony’s face. Tony coughed, his stomach turning. Obie had smoked. Howard had smoked. He had all sorts of bad memories associated with smoke. And now he could add this one to the list.

“You’re feisty, Mr. Stark,” Reid finally murmured, taking the cigarette away from his mouth and studying it with interest. “I’m going to enjoy breaking you.” He whirled and pressed the burning end of the cigarette into Tony’s forearm. Tony howled, and that was the first time he screamed that day.

It wasn’t the last.

+

At the end of the week, the guards took him back to the room where he had first met Jules in. The blonde bastard was sitting calmly at one end of the table, and Tony suddenly felt the urge to smash that little smile off his face.

“Mr. Stark!” Jules cried, seeming delighted. “I missed you!” Tony scoffed as he was shoved into the chair opposite of Jules.

“Yeah, I can tell, from all the times you visited me in my humble little cell,” he growled. Jules shook his head in disappointment.

“I had been hoping the attitude would have dropped by now,” Jules mused. “Maybe I need to tell Reid to step it up.” Tony froze.

“Whatever,” he managed, trying not to let Jules see how much the idea terrified him. It was already pretty bad, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle much worse.

“Anyways, the purpose to your little visit is that you’ve had a week to reconsider our offer,” Jules began. “I know how sadistic Reid can be. It couldn’t have been fun for you, spending so much time with him. But, Mr. Stark, you can end it any time you like. Just give the word, and you can join us and have all the luxuries this world can yield. Join us, and your life will become so much better.”

“My life was fine the way it was,” Tony murmured, the anger leaving him. “I had a family. You took that away from me. I’ll never join you, you can be sure of that.” Jules frowned, looking genuinely disappointed.

“It pains me to hear that, Mr. Stark,” he said softly. Tony’s head snapped up, and he fixed Jules with a vicious glare.

“You don’t know what pain is,” Tony hissed, his body aching even as he spoke. “But I would be happy to introduce you, if you want.” Jules just sighed, and nodded his head at the guards. Tony was dragged away again.

+

** Two Weeks Later **

Tony huddled against the wall, shivering uncontrollably. He clenched his jaw to stop his teeth from chattering, wincing at the pain that shot through his face. Those guards packed a mean punch, he thought grudgingly, and he was pretty sure that his face would be turning a couple really interesting shades of blue over the next few days.

But he’d take that over the rest of it any day. He grit his teeth, and bit back a shout as searing pain ripped through the mangled flesh on his back. That gray-eyed bastard, Reid, was skilled at one thing: pain. And he obviously loved inflicting it, based off the various wounds marring the engineer’s body. Cuts, bruises, burns, whippings, you named it and Reid was good at it. But Tony couldn’t give up. He refused to be a part of those sick bastards’ plan, no matter how much pain it caused him.

He rested his head awkwardly against the wall, trying to find a position that was comfortable to sleep in. He sucked in a sharp breath as the rough wall scraped his back, and he felt something warm and sticky soak his shirt. Great, he was bleeding again.

_If only I hadn’t left_ , Tony thought regretfully. Then he would safely tucked away in the tower, with the people he loved most in this world. Instead he was huddled in a freaking cell in who-knows-where, and his options were either torture or joining a freaky death cult. Not exactly the vacation he’d set out for.

And the worst part was that he wasn’t the only one. Occasionally, he heard screams that weren’t his own; muffled shouts to the right. There was a cell next to him, and its occupant was going through the same thing he was, based off of the agony that was apparent in the screams. Tony felt sorry for whoever it was.

They had formed a sort of comradery. Every now and then, he knocked twice on the wall just to see if he or she was still alive. And he always got two knocks back in return. He just wished that he could actually talk to whoever it was, and maybe offer them some comfort. Well, not comfort exactly, but friendship… _that_ he could offer.

Suddenly, though, inspiration struck him. A way to reach out to whoever it was, a way to stifle his own loneliness. He raised a fist and tapped out a message on the wall in Morse code. He had learned when he was younger thanks to Jarvis, and he could only hope his neighbor had as well. A long shot, but worth a try.

**_Do you know Morse code_?** He had asked. There was a moment of silence, and he frowned in disappointment. Then:

**_Yes_.** Tony grinned in excitement.

**_What’s your name_**? The reply came quicker this time.

**_Luke. You?_ ** Tony hesitated. For some reason, he didn’t want Luke to know his real name, who he really was. Depending on how long Luke had been there, he probably didn’t know that Tony Stark was missing. He didn’t want Luke to know what a failure he was, that he couldn’t even save himself. So he lied.

**_James_. _How is it going?_**

**_Not particularly well. I assume that things aren’t sunny for you either_** _._ Tony decided that this Luke fellow wasn’t half-bad _._

**_Not really. I want a cheeseburger. Those are kind of in short supply around here, don’t you think?_** Tony kept it light, because there was no reason to describe exactly why it sucked. The lack of cheeseburgers was upsetting, but it didn’t exactly make the top of the list.

**_Agreed. So, what are you in for?_ **

**_I called Jules a prick. I’m guessing you know him. Tall, blond, creepy as hell. Anyways, how about you? What did you do?_ **

**_I’m innocent. Don’t you know everyone in here is innocent?_** Tony gasped in delight, feeling happy for the first time in a long time.

**_If you’re referencing what I think you’re referencing, then kudos to you._ **

**_Shawshank?_ **

**_You’re totally my new best friend._ **

              ~

The conversations with Luke continued, and Tony was sure that they were the only thing keeping him sane. Their interactions had progressively gotten more personal, and Tony found himself sharing pieces of himself he had never even considered sharing before. Maybe because Luke was just as fucked up as he was. The torture continued, and his resolve was weakening, but Luke made it bearable.

**You up?**

**Unfortunately.**

Sometimes it was enough just knowing that he was there.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony makes a friend! Yay! Any thoughts? Feel free to drop a comment down below, and I will most likely respond. Maybe.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers begin to catch on, Tony has pretty much given up, and someone might just come to the rescue...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I am so fucking sorry, you guys have no idea! I completely shirked my writing cause I got a new puppy and those things are really time-consuming, and I am so so sorry, but here it is! Don't hate me!

The guards held him firmly by the arms, and Tony could barely keep his eyes open as they practically dragged him down the hall. Every part of him either ached, throbbed, or stung, and it didn’t even seem worth taking inventory of his injuries anymore. They were so numerous and more just kept coming, so what was the point?

The guard on his left let go, and the other almost dropped him because of it. Tony could barely stand anymore, so they were supporting his full weight, which, granted, wasn’t a lot anymore, but still. The guard opened the door, and Tony was shoved inside the too bright room. He fell with a pained grunt, and fresh blood stained his already tattered and stained shirt. The gray-eyed fuck, Reid, seemed to have a bit of a whip fetish, and every time Tony “misbehaved” he received ten lashes. His back was basically this raw slab of torn up flesh.

Tony sucked in a ragged breath, and mustered up every ounce of strength he had left. Slowly, he pushed himself up on his hands and knees, and peered up at the table. It was the same room Jules took him to when he was first kidnapped, and it was the same room they met in once a week. The man in question sat with a small smile on his stupid fucking face. Tony scowled at him, and managed to pull himself into the chair.

“Hello, Mr. Stark. You’ve had another week to reconsider,” Jules began, as he always did, and raised his eyebrows as he waited for an answer. Tony just glared at him silently. “Have you?” Tony took a deep breath, and slouched back in his seat. Each week, he was finding it harder and harder to say no, but he had no choice. He couldn’t be a part of what they were doing. Killing millions of people… his blood boiled at the very thought.

“My answer remains the same, dickhead. You can torture me all you want, but I’m not going to give in. So you can take me back to my cell now, or hand me over to that psycho, because this conversation is over,” he snarled. His voice held much more conviction than he actually possessed, to his satisfaction.

“Again, I am sorry to hear that,” Jules murmured, and then Tony noticed that he had several papers in front of him. Jules noticed his distraction, and smiled. “I’ve been doing some digging, Mr. Stark. Apparently, a week or two before you left, your friends were looking into some help for you. Very specific help, it seems.” Tony’s blood ran cold. It couldn’t be… could it?

“Well, that’s news to me,” he said casually, and forced himself to raise one shoulder.

“Yes, your friends were trying to help you get over your fear of…” Jules pretended to consult his papers, as if he hadn’t already memorized what it said, as if he didn’t already have a trough waiting in the torture room, “water,” Jules finally revealed. Tony had known it was coming, but it still turned his blood to ice in his veins. He swallowed.

“Excuse me?” he choked out, and Jules laughed heartily. Hatred coursed through the engineer, and it was the strongest emotion he’d experienced in a while.

“Oh, don’t even pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about, Mr. Stark. I’m just pleased that we discovered this sooner rather than later,” Jules exclaimed, smiling at the engineer like they shared a special secret.

“And why is that?” Tony asked dryly, and he felt his heart pounding so hard in his chest he was sure Jules could hear it.

“Because Reid can now incorporate a little water fun into your routine,” Jules enthused, and Tony felt sick. The way Jules put it almost made it seem like he thought Tony and Reid played board games all day instead of what really happened: torture. “And if your water fear is as bad as your friends claim, then this will get you to come over to our side quickly. Then you can start working with us to build the new world!”

“Good luck with that,” Tony drawled, adopting an almost bored look. Jules looked disappointed.

“Mr. Stark… you do realize this will go on until you either accept our invitation or you die,” he said softly, and Tony set his mouth in a grim line.

“Or until the Avengers bust in here and kick your ass,” he retorted, but there wasn’t any conviction behind the words. They were empty. As the days dragged by, his hope for rescue lessened. Now, he just tried not to think about them too much, because it hurt.

“Sure thing, Mr. Stark,” Jules sighed, and he nodded. The guards stepped back in, and they grabbed him around the arms as they always did. But something was off, and it took Tony’s muddled brain a second to put it together. One of the guards held him gently, as if he was afraid he would hurt him. Tony glanced up at him in confusion, but like the rest, he (or she, it could have been a girl. The uniforms were so bulky he’d have no way of knowing) was hidden behind a mask.

Whatever, he thought tiredly, allowing the nice guard and the dickhead guard to drag him away. Jules regarded him with mournful blue eyes, and then the door shut behind them. Tony let his head droop and let his feet drag as they half-carried him back to his cell. Exhaustion overcame him, and he couldn’t bring himself to care about anything anymore. The only thing that kept him from slashing his goddamned wrists and bringing a swift end to his misery was Luke, his friend, his companion.

They talked every chance they could, and Tony had surprised himself by opening up a little. Not enough that Luke could guess who he was, of course, but Luke knew that Tony/James had given up hope that his friends would rescue him, that two of those friends wanted a relationship with him, that the New Order wanted him to build them shit they could use to end the world. In return, Luke had confessed that he had family issues. His Dad preferred his brother over him, and Luke had made some mistakes in his anger over that. But even with all of that, Luke was still a pretty cool guy. Tony found himself looking forward to his time in his cell so they could talk.

And that’s when he realized that they weren’t going to his cell. They dragged him past Luke’s door and his own door, and Tony recognized where they were going, as he’d been there almost every day of his time in captivity. Terror raced through his body, and he let out a pleading moan as they pushed him down the concrete steps. He barely managed to not fall on his ass, and when he straightened up he found himself face-to-chest with none other than Reid. He peered up at the giant, muscular man, and managed a lazy grin. He knew his joviality pissed him off.

“Hiya, psycho. Heard we were playing with some new toys today,” he drawled. Reid stared down at him with those cold gray eyes, and he thought he detected a flicker of joy in them. It wouldn’t be that surprising, honestly. The guy was a total sadist.

“I’ll just make myself right at home, then,” Tony muttered, and stepped inside the room. It was big, and dimly lit. Not for lack of electricity, he theorized, but for dramatic affect. Reid stepped inside after him, and the two guards followed- there were always at least two guards present. Just enjoying the show, he guessed with a bitter smile.

He gazed about at the familiar tables of shiny and sharp instruments, the chair with the straps, the whipping post with the glittering bronze whip coiled up and hung neatly on a peg, and the drain on the floor that was still dark from his last visit. There was one new addition; the water trough. The sight alone caused his heart to start racing, and he could feel his face whiten. He clenched his fists to stop the trembling and swallowed.

“Where we startin’ today, prick?” he asked as casually as he could manage, even though he was terrified and in pain. This was the only way to get through it: smile and suffer in silence. Reid turned to him with a nasty grin.

“I think we’ve exhausted all other avenues. Let’s just stick with the water today,” Reid decided, and Tony started shaking.

“Sure thing,” he mumbled, and Reid stepped forward, reaching out to grab him with a beefy fist. Tony knew it was stupid. He knew it was futile. And he knew that it would only result in more pain for him. But he couldn’t help himself.

He dove forward and smashed his fist into the bastard’s face, sick pleasure coursing through him at the satisfactory crunch. Reid let out a pained shout, and Tony darted to the side to avoid the counter-attack. He came up behind the fat fuck and planted a solid kick into the back of his knees. Reid stumbled, and then the guards were suddenly restraining him. One of them- the dickhead- punched Tony in the stomach. The breath left his lungs in a huff, and he doubled over, gasping. Fatigue settled over him as the adrenaline from the fight wore off.

He glanced up to see the guard’s boot flying at his face, and he was too exhausted to bother ducking. White-hot pain exploded across his jaw, and he slumped to the ground.

“Nice try, Mr. Stark,” Reid growled, holding his hand over his broken nose to staunch the relentless blood flow. His gray eyes glittered with hatred, and satisfaction and terror simultaneously raced through Tony. He knew he would pay for his attack, but he hated Reid so much for all the torture that he didn’t even care.

It was like when he was fourteen and started stealing his father’s alcohol. He knew he was going to get beat either way, so why not have a little fun in the meantime?

“Thanks. Any time you feel like a repeat, just let me know and I’ll break your jaw for you,” Tony threatened, and to his irritation the muscular man just laughed.

“Let me know how that works out for you. Boys, put him on the post,” Reid ordered coldly, and rough hands shoved him down onto the floor beside the post. “You know the drill, Stark.” Tony grit his teeth and laced his hands around the pole. Someone ripped his shirt open, exposing his back that was already torn up.

He was expecting the first lash when it came, and he tensed up, tears welling at the corners of his eyes. He heard the crack and fire lanced through him. By the tenth, tears were streaming down his face and he was in agony.

“Ready to behave, Mr. Stark?” Reid taunted him. Tony nodded.

“Yes,” he croaked, loathing how pitiful his voice sounded. Without a word, he was dragged over to the trough. He stared down into the water, and his heart seized up in panic. Calm down, he ordered himself sternly. He could not afford a panic attack now. Instead, he gazed at his reflection. It took him a moment to recognize himself, and when he did he was shocked.

His eyes were hollow looking with purple shadows underneath them, and his skin was frighteningly pale. His mind recoiled from the image, and instead he found himself thinking about _them_. The soldiers. He regretted storming out that day, and if he hadn’t then he wouldn’t be in this mess. And… he missed them. He really missed them. He pictured Steve, tall, muscular, with that shock of blond hair and those beautifully bright blue eyes.

And Bucky, the leanly muscled man with the long, choppy dark brown hair, with pieces that framed his face. The steely blue eyes that gave so much away, and the sexy stubble covering his jaw. He pictured the two of them together, smiling at him, happy. The image calmed him. His heart rate slowed, and he took a deep breath. He could handle this.

Reid grabbed a fistful of his hair, and shoved him under.

              +

“He wouldn’t be gone for this long,” Steve insisted. “He would at least have called. I’m telling you, something’s wrong.” Fury listened with an odd look on his face, his dark eye glittering with something unidentifiable.

“What are you suggesting, Captain?” he asked slowly. Steve threw up his hands, abruptly frustrated. Why weren’t they taking this seriously? Tony was missing! And they were sitting around in an office talking about it instead of searching. Thor had left to go to Asgard shortly after Tony left, muttering something about Loki. If only he would return, so Steve could talk to him about the whole Tony situation. But they had no way of getting into contact with him.

“I’m suggesting that something might have happened to him!” he snapped. “We need to be out looking! I want you to send out some people, a search and rescue. My team is on it, but we need help!”

“And you’re sure he isn’t just taking some time to himself? When Tony doesn’t want to be found, well…” Fury trailed off. Yeah, Steve got it. Tony wouldn’t be found if he was hiding. But if he was, he would have called, texted, something. He wasn’t the asshole he wanted everyone to think he was. Steve stared back evenly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’m sure. He would have called,” Steve repeated stubbornly. Fury sighed again.

“Alright, Captain. I’ll send out a search and rescue team. We’ll find him,” Fury reassured him. Steve took a deep breath, and found himself growing calmer. Yeah, they would find him. Everything would be fine.

“Thanks, sir,” Steve murmured, and stepped out of the office, letting the door swing shut behind him. He made his way down through the tall building, and passed by a bunch of SHIELD agents he didn’t recognize. SHIELD must have been recruiting or something. He couldn’t bring himself to care.

Outside, Bucky was waiting for him, hands shoved in his pockets. His shoulders were tense, and Steve remembered that he still wasn’t completely comfortable with crowds yet.

“Well?” the brunette demanded when Steve neared him. Steve nodded, gazing around at the bright colors of the city that somehow didn’t seem as bright as before.

“He’s sending out a search team,” Steve told his friend. “We’ll find him, Buck.”

              +

They threw him into the cell, and he landed with a muffled shout. The door shut behind the guards, and darkness enveloped the damp cell. Tony slumped into a ball in the corner, and the shivering began. He curled in on himself, his back stinging and his ribs aching with every ragged breath he drew. And that was it. He was done.

He officially resigned himself to spending the rest of his life in this goddamn place, or dying inside. The Avengers could not find him now. He would never see Steve or Bucky again…

The thought hit him harder than any blow the psycho could deliver. The last memory they would have of him would be him storming out after his confession. He’d yelled at them for wanting to be with him, and most likely scarred them with his scars. Maybe this was karma, he thought dazedly. He was an ass to the men he loved, so he got to die in a hole, literally.

He raised his fist, his bruised arm aching with the effort, and tapped out a message to Luke on the wall.

**_Hey._** But he got no response. Luke must have been in the torture room himself, and Tony briefly felt a twinge of sympathy. Brothers in suffering.

Tony’s head snapped up as the grind of metal against metal shattered his thoughts. He watched with a sinking feeling of resignation as a guard stepped fluidly into the cell, shutting the door behind himself. Tony idly wondered why this one was here- most likely to beat the hell out of him, just like every other before him. What would this one have against him?         

The first had claimed- in between excruciatingly painful kicks to the side- that Tony was a faggot and deserved everything that was being done to him. The second had decided that Tony was being an “uptight little bitch” about the whole thing and should just join already. The third insisted that if Tony would just stop fighting him, “it” would go a whole lot easier. Tony still refused to admit, even to himself, what “it” was. But his ass -among other things- was sore for days after.

“If you’re here to jump me, I suggest you get on with it,” he said dryly. “I haven’t got all evening.” His weak attempt at humor received no reply, not that he expected one. The only time people spoke to him was when they were explaining why they were beating him, or telling him he deserved it. And honestly, the worst part was he was starting to believe them.

He waited, his body tense, for this guard to make a move. And when he stepped forward, even though Tony knew it only pissed them off more, he couldn’t stop himself- he flinched. The guard paused, then raised his hands, as if trying to communicate that he wasn’t going to hurt Tony. After a brief moment of Tony staring at the guard, expecting the blows to start at any second, the guard abruptly lifted his hands further and removed the mask.

Tony couldn’t help but gasp, because he was a she. Long, dark hair tumbled down her shoulders in waves, framing her startlingly attractive, angular face. She had wide, blue-green eyes that regarded the stunned engineer calmly, and her full pink lips quirked up in a very slight smile.

“Relax,” she instructed in a soothing, warm voice that had a heavy accent. Russian, maybe? “I’m not going to hurt you.” Tony recovered quickly, and scoffed.

“Really?” he drawled, heavy on the sarcasm. “Tell me, were you one of the ones who whipped me? Or maybe you did the drowning?” For some inexplicable reason, the woman flinched. She straightened up quickly, and swallowed.

“Look, I’m here to help,” she told him. Tony scowled.

“You really want to help me?” he snarled. The woman nodded, her blue eyes intense. “Then kill me.” The woman actually recoiled in shock, blinking rapidly.

“Kill you?” she echoed.

“Yep. If you have a single ounce of humanity, you’ll take that pretty little gun of yours,” he continued, nodding his head at the rifle strapped to her back, “and put a bullet through my brain. That’s what you can do for me.” She watched him with a peculiar expression in her eyes, almost as if his response pained her.

“So you’ve given up, then,” she murmured, and he was struck by how beautiful her voice was. Didn’t stop him from getting pissed off, though.

“Yes!” he shouted, brought to anger by the dumb question. “They took out my tracking chip! How the fuck is anyone going to find me? I’m going to be in this hell hole until I either die or join you fuckers!” Tony took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself. When he continued, he was considerably more in control, and he spoke quietly and sincerely. “And I refuse to join, so that leaves death. The only way I’m leaving is in a body bag, so the least you could do is help speed that up.”

“I’m not going to kill you,” she finally told him. Tony’s shoulders slumped, and he sank against the wall in defeat.

“Why not?” he muttered half-heartedly. But he knew the answer; mercy was above these guys. The only thing she could do for him would be to put him out of his fucking misery, let him die with a little dignity. He chuckled suddenly at the thought of dignity. He was covered in blood and dirt and sweat and bruises and cuts and burns, begging a woman to kill him because he was too weak to take it. Dignity had left him a long time ago.

“Killing you would defeat the purpose of my being here,” the woman replied, dragging him out of his dark musings. He peered up at her in a mixture of interest and annoyance. Why couldn’t they just let him be?

“And what would that purpose be?” Tony inquired dryly. Her eyes pierced right through him, and he found them unnerving.

“I intend to take down ARK,” she announced in a firm voice. “And I need your help to do it.” Tony blinked, wondering if she was pulling his chain. When he realized she was serious, he couldn’t hold back the bouts of laughter that ripped through him. He laughed so hard his sides ached- well, ached more than usual, anyway.

“You-have-to be-joking,” he gasped out between giggles. She narrowed those startling eyes at him, and he suddenly hoped that he hadn’t pissed her off too badly. She had the ability to make his life a lot worse than it was, namely by suggesting they use the water more frequently. Tony wasn’t sure if he could abstain from giving in for much longer if they continued with the water.

“What’s so funny?” she growled. He quickly sobered up, and fixed her with his best smirk.

“It’s _funny_ that you think we stand a chance against them,” he explained. “I don’t know how much wiggle room you have, but I can’t do shit from my lovely little cell here. You expect to single-handedly overthrow a bunch of _psychopaths_ from inside their base? Good luck.” “I understand that you can’t do much from inside your cell,” she said patiently. “That’s why I’m busting you out.” Tony froze, unsure if he heard her correctly. No, he couldn’t have; he must have started hallucinating. There was no way she just said what he thought she just said.

“Pardon?” he inquired in a mild voice.  

“I am getting you out of here,” she repeated, and his heart skipped a beat in an odd mixture of joy and disbelief. He had just given up hope of rescue, and had just resigned himself to the fact that he was never going to see Steve or Bucky or anyone else he loved ever again. And seconds later this woman waltzes in here claiming that she’s getting him out? Too good to be true.             

“What’s the catch?” he asked warily, trying to contain his hope. Because he had come to realize that while in captivity, the biggest threat wasn’t the guards or torturers or strong hands that forced his head under the water over and over again. Hope was.

“No catch,” she denied in a light voice, lacing her hands together behind her back. “One condition, though.” Tony groaned. There it was.

“Alright, what the hell do you want?” he grouched. She paused, and dropped her gaze, seeming kind of shy all of a sudden. Tony felt his heart stirring curiously, and it took a moment to identify the feeling. After a moment, he realized that he liked her. He hadn’t felt anything but pain and rage since he had arrived, coupled with crushing disappointment.

“I want you to take me with you when we leave,” she confessed. Tony wasn’t expecting that. “I can’t take it here any longer. I can’t watch them torture you and people like you any longer.” Tony briefly felt a twinge of sympathy before he stamped it down. She was one of the nameless faces behind his agony; he couldn’t forget that. If he was going to feel sorry for anyone, it would be himself.

“And why the hell should I trust you?” he demanded. “Besides, you made the choice to join them, so you have to deal with what you joined.” She bristled.

“Alright, look. First of all, I’m busting you out,” she stated. “That should be enough. What could I possibly have to gain from helping you escape besides the sheer pleasure of watching these guys go down? And I did make the choice to join, but I didn’t want to. I was in the same situation you’re in, only I wasn’t as strong as you are,” she spat, looking bitter. “I gave up. But you can’t. I know about the water, Stark. And I figured that you won’t last much longer with that factored in. So I decided to make my move.”

“They tortured you?” he questioned, suddenly feeling like an asshole. The woman nodded, her eyes briefly distant.

“For a month,” she admitted. “I tried to hold out. But you know how you feel about water? I have one of those, and they used it. My own little Room 101. Took only a few days after that.” Her lips twisted with the unpleasant memory.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said, and he meant it. The woman shook her head.

“It’s in the past now,” she said dismissively. “We need to worry about the future. I’d like to help you in preserving that future, if you’ll let me. I bust you out, you let me help take them down. I do have an insider’s perspective, after all, Mr. Stark. Deal?” She stretched out her hand, and Tony regarded it for a moment. What the hell did he have to lose?

“Deal,” he affirmed, and shook her hand. She smiled suddenly, and Tony was caught off guard by how beautiful she was. Her smile radiated life and warmth. “And you can call me Tony.”

“Wanda,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “Nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...surprised? Or did ya'll see it coming? Let me know down below!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finally meets Luke face-to-face, and jellybeans. That's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, finally! I really struggled with this one, but it's done now and I just want it posted and out of the way. Only five more to go after this!

**Good news, Luke** , Tony tapped out on the wall later, barely containing his smile. There was only a short pause before Luke replied with:

**What?** Tony was giddy with excitement.

**Turns out not all of the guards are spawns of Satan. We’re getting out of here.**

**How?**

**This guard named Wanda. Trust me, she’s okay. She wants to help take these guys down, because they’re all a bunch of assholes. We’re going to get you out, too.** There was a long pause before he received a reply.

**Don’t risk your escape for me.** Tony was bewildered. What the hell was Luke talking about?

**It’s okay, it’s not too much of a risk. I’m not just going to leave you here, Luke. You wouldn’t do that to me.**

**No, I suppose not.**

**It’s settled then. Prepare to escape sometime within the next few days. Wanda will talk to you about it.**

**+**

“Steve,” Natasha murmured, her voice sounding strained. Steve lifted his head, raising his bloodshot eyes to meet hers. He had been slumped over the table for the past half hour, unable and unwilling to move. Tony was out there somewhere, having god knows what done to him, and Steve couldn’t help him. Couldn’t find him. Couldn’t keep him safe, like he promised he would. He had failed the love of his life, and that was unforgivable. He didn’t know how Natasha could bear to look at him.

“Yes,” Steve murmured, his voice sounding dead even to his own ears. Natasha winced. Everyone had suffered from Tony’s loss, including the redheaded assassin. The light had left her eyes, and she had stopped smiling completely, not even the rare ones that only Clint or Tony could provoke.

“You need to stop doing this to yourself,” she whispered. “Tony wouldn’t have wanted this.” Steve jerked up, filled with shock.

“What do you mean by that?” he demanded hotly. Natasha swallowed, and dropped her gaze, looking guilty.

“If he could have come home by now, he would have,” she eventually said, so quietly Steve almost didn’t hear her. He wished he hadn’t. Rage filled him so strongly that he had to clench his fists to stop from hitting something.

“He’s not dead,” Steve spat. “Don’t you dare say he is.” Natasha regarded him with sorrow filled eyes, and he suddenly hated her. Hated the look on her face. Hated her for saying that Tony could be dead, because that was impossible. Tony could not be dead. It just- it wasn’t possible.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” she said softly. “But it’s been two months and not even a call. SHIELD hasn’t been able to find him. I know you don’t want to think it, and I don’t either, but we have to face facts. He’s gone.” Her voice broke, and she lifted her head to the ceiling, blinking back tears. And the rage left Steve as swiftly as it had arrived. He stood and embraced her, trying in some way to offer comfort.

“No,” Steve denied. “He can’t be. Tony is a fighter. He survived Afghanistan, and a hell of a lot more than that. Whatever happened to him, he’ll make it out alive. He always does. He always will.”

“Until he doesn’t.” Steve broke away from Natasha and turned to face Bucky. The ex-soldier lounged against the kitchen doorframe, a bottle of vodka dangling loosely by his side. With a smirk full of bitter humor, he raised the bottle to his mouth and took a swig. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and he had obviously been drinking.

“Buck…”

“No, I’m being serious. He has to die eventually, right?” Bucky laughed harshly. “He’s not immortal. None of us are. We’re all going to die. It’s just a matter of when and how.” Steve was ready to be gentle with Bucky, offer him some comfort, but Natasha got there first.

“You’re right,” she snapped. “And wherever Tony is, he can’t die there. He’s going to die _here_ ,” she said fiercely, “with us. An old man, grumpy as hell, in his sleep. And you drinking yourself into oblivion and bitching about it doesn’t help him.” Steve froze, and there was a moment of silence before the storm hit.

“ _Nothing_ helps him!” Bucky exploded, throwing his hands up. Apparently he had forgotten about the bottle of vodka in his hand, because it shattered against the kitchen floor. He didn’t give it a second glance. “Wherever he is, I can’t do a fucking thing about it! Nobody can! So what was the point, then, huh?” He fixed his wild eyes on Steve. “What was the point of you loving him? Of me loving him? Because in the end, it’s just _pain_!” With that, his knees buckled, and he slid to the ground.

Steve immediately dropped down beside him, and wrapped his best friend in a hug. Bucky broke down on his shoulder, great heaving sobs wracking his body. “I don’t know, Buck,” Steve eventually whispered. “I don’t know if there is a point.”

+

Wanda carefully slipped into the cell next to Tony’s, closing the door behind her. She turned, and locked eyes with a man, chained to the wall in a setup similar to that of Tony’s cell. His face was mostly obscured by strands of wavy dark hair that floated to his shoulders, but she could tell that he was pale, and lean. The man lifted his head, and she was startled by how bright his green eyes were.

“Wanda, I presume,” the man, Luke, drawled. He was devilishly handsome, even as injured as he was.

“That’s me,” she confirmed lightly, stepping further inside. “Tony told you I was coming?” The man jerked back slightly, his eyes narrowing.

“Tony?” he hissed, his features transforming into suspicion. “ _James_ told me a woman called Wanda would come.” Wanda shrugged, at a loss for what was going on. Perhaps Tony had simply disguised his name, for whatever reason.

“No, his name is Tony,” she informed him. “Tony Stark.” Luke paled, his eyes blowing wide. He blinked rapidly.

“You are joking,” he whispered. “God, please tell me you are joking.” Wanda shook her head, more confused than ever. What did it matter? Unless this man had something against Stark, like she once had.

“No, I’m not. Why? What is wrong?”

“I lied to him about my identity as well!” Luke groaned, his eyes anguished. “Dammit! I know him! He knows me! He _hates_ me!”

“Wanna tell me what the hell is going on?” Wanda exclaimed in frustration. Luke glanced up at her miserably.

“You’re going to go back to him and tell him who I am, and then you won’t have to worry about rescuing me,” Luke said glumly.

“Why? Who are you?” Wanda inquired, truly curious now. Who was this man? And why did Tony supposedly hate him so much? What could he possibly have done to wrong him?

“Just tell him my name is Loki,” the man sighed.

+

Tony was still in shock. Luke was Loki? Loki was Luke? God, he was pissed! How could he not have noticed? All the stuff about Luke’s- no, _Loki’s_ brother, and how his father wasn’t really his father, etc. All signs pointed to trickster god, and yet Tony still hadn’t caught on.

Well, did this mean he shouldn’t help Loki escape? After all, he did try to take over the world and whatnot. He was a pretty bad guy, and had tried to kill Tony by throwing him out of a window. He had a pretty shitty track record, and yet…

And yet he had been a friend to Tony while he was in here. That had to count for something, right? Plus, Thor would be overjoyed to have his brother back, sort of.

**Loki?** Tony asked hesitantly, unsure if he would receive a reply now that the Asgardian knew who he was. But a reply came a few short seconds later.

**Yes.** Tony smiled.

**Well, isn’t this awkward?**

**Look, Stark, you don’t have to help me escape.**

**I know I don’t. But I will. You’re still my friend, as crazy as that sounds. Just because you threw me out of a window and stuff doesn’t mean you deserve this.**

**Yes, I do. I tried to take over your world. And I lied to you about my identity.**

**Eh. So did I.**

**Stark.**

**Loki. Stop bitching. I’ll get you out of here, but you’ll be coming with me. Not as a prisoner or anything, because that would suck. You’ll just stick around, okay? Keep your enemies close, and your unlikely acquaintances closer sort of thing.**

**Not sure that’s how the saying goes.** Tony smiled, sensing that Loki had given up protesting.

**Oh, shut up.**

+

“Come on, now, Mr. Stark,” Reid purred, stalking slowly around the battered and bruised engineer. Tony was panting with pain and exertion. He had hoped that he could avoid the torture until he got out, but that was apparently not the case. And Reid had not been pulling his punches this session.

“Fuck you,” Tony breathed, trying to catch his breath. He had weakened in his stay, and now he couldn’t even hold himself up.

“Don’t be like that, Stark,” Reid chastised. “We just want you to come and be a part of our family!”

“Some family this is,” Tony snarled, glancing up in the corner where there were two guards. One was Wanda, he knew, based off the number on her uniform; he had memorized it. He was glad they couldn’t see her facial expression behind the mask.

“You know, it’s funny,” Reid mused, still circling Tony. “How you can make this stop at any time, yet still you choose not to.”

“I thought we had already been over this,” Tony muttered. “You’re a bunch of psychopaths. I sort of like this world. I don’t want you to destroy it.”

“Whether you join us or not, it will be destroyed,” Reid promised. “It’s only a matter of if you will be destroyed along with it.”

“Well, gee, I hope so,” Tony chuckled, glaring up at Reid. “Spend the rest of my life with your ugly ass? No thank you.” Reid paused in front of him, his face contorting in anger.

“You’re going to regret that, Stark.” Tony pretended to think for a second, then shook his head.

“No, I don’t think I will,” he countered. But he was wrong. Not a moment after the words left his lips, Reid stomped down on Tony’s leg with his heavy boot. Tony heard the crack, and thought: _oh shit_. A scream tore out of his throat, and he wanted to pass out from the pain. Howard had broken his arm before, but nothing had ever happened to his leg. It was unbearable.

“I disagree,” Reid pronounced with a satisfied smile.

+

Tony was soaked with sweat, panting from the unbelievable amount of pain in his leg. The bone was jutting out, and it was all bloody and messy and Tony couldn’t even bear to look at it. How the hell were they supposed to escape with his leg? He would have to tell them to go on without him, and maybe bring the Avengers back to get him. But the thought of staying any longer than was absolutely necessary was sickening.

**Stark, I’m coming over.** It took Tony a moment to register what Loki had just tapped out to him, and once it registered, he jerked up in shock, sending a ripple of agony through his leg.

**What?**

A couple of seconds later, the door opened, and Wanda walked through with Loki in tow. Tony’s eyes widened, because wow, that was not the man/god he remembered. Loki had grown impossibly thinner, and his eyes were dull. His hair was long and curly, instead of the slicked back look Tony remembered from New York.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” Tony hissed, fear shooting through him. If they were caught, they would most likely be killed.

“Saving your ass,” Wanda explained very matter-of-factly. She guided Loki over to where Tony was hunched on the flood, and the god met Tony’s curious gaze with hesitance.

“Hey, Stark,” Loki murmured, kneeling down by Tony’s broken leg. “Not doing so hot, are we?”

“Oh, fuck you,” Tony snorted, breaking into a grin. “I’m fabulous and you know it!” Loki smiled, despite himself. It was still strange thinking of him as a good guy, but so far, Loki hadn’t done anything bad to Tony.

“I’m going to heal your leg, okay?” Loki said, and Tony’s head jerked up in shock.

“You’re going to what?” he demanded, and Loki smirked, although he looked tired. Tired as Tony felt.

“I have a little bit of magic left in me,” Loki explained. “I’m going to use it to try and heal your leg. We can’t get out of here with it broken.” Tony hesitated. He was a man of science. Before everything, he hadn’t even believed in magic. But then shit like New York happened, and everything he knew turned out to be untrue. So he was just going to have to trust Loki. Besides, it wasn’t like he had a lot of options.

“Alright,” Tony decided, and licked his lips in anticipation. “Do your thing.”

“It’s going to hurt,” Loki warned, his green eyes serious. “Badly.”

“Fuck it, go ahead. Just get it over with,” Tony muttered, and Wanda stepped forward with a piece of cloth. She handed it to him, and he glanced at her in confusion.

“Put it in your mouth,” she instructed. “So you don’t bite your tongue.” Tony swallowed.

“Right.” He put the cloth in his mouth, and bit down. He didn’t like pain, but in this case it was necessary. Loki’s hands hovered over his leg, which was bloody and hard to look at.

“You ready?” Loki asked, surprisingly gentle. Tony nodded, and stared ahead at a fixed point on the wall. He ignored Wanda’s sympathetic gaze, and Loki taking a deep breath. Just get through this, he told himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw green tendrils snaking out from the tips of Loki’s fingertips, and then he saw white.

The pain was blinding, and filled his thoughts. He couldn’t think of anything but the agony shooting through his leg, searing the bone, burning him from the inside out. A scream tore out of his throat, muffled by the rag stuffed in his mouth. He could feel hands on him, trying to comfort him, keep him quiet, but it was almost like he wasn’t in control of his own body.

During his time with ARK, he had experienced all kinds of pains. Stinging pains, electric pains, throbbing pains, aching pains, burning pains, all sorts of pains. But this…this was just pure pain. There weren’t any words to describe it, at least not words Tony knew. And in that moment, he would have been happy to die.

Then, as abruptly as it had began, the pain stopped. Tony just laid there for a moment, panting, his face covered in sweat. As soon as he could stomach it, he sat up. Loki and Wanda were both watching him with apprehensive looks on their faces.

“How do you feel?” Wanda asked. Tony considered the question.

“Better,” he eventually replied. “Like my leg isn’t broken anymore.” To test it, he pulled the leg up to his chest, grinning when there was no pain. “Hey, just out of curiosity, why haven’t you used magic to get out of here?” Loki sighed.

“I would have, but they are keeping me weak. Too weak to use any major magic. Healing is fairly simple and doesn’t require much energy.” Despite his words, Loki looked exhausted. There was a thin sheen of sweat covering his face, and his eyes had dark circles resting underneath them.

“Maybe you should rest,” Tony suggested worriedly. “You don’t look so good.” Loki scoffed.

“You’re one to talk,” he shot back. “Your leg was actually broken, and your back is terrible. You’re bruised everywhere and sliced up everywhere else. If I had any more energy…” Tony waved away his concerns.

“I’ll be fine. Wanda, would you mind taking him back?” Tony asked. “Make sure he gets some sleep, too.” Loki rolled his eyes, but stood all the same.

“Yes, mother,” he mocked, prompting the engineer to smile. Wanda led him towards the door.

“Hey, Loki?” Tony called, and the two paused. Loki turned back to look at him. “Thank you. For everything.” Loki blinked, then nodded, smiling. As soon as they left, Tony laid back down to try to get some more rest. After all, they were getting out soon.

** A few days later **

“Wanda!” Tony exclaimed happily as the brunette stepped into the cell with an excited grin. Over the past few days, he had gotten to know her a little better, and he loved her already. She was witty, and intelligent, and beautiful. His second friend in a few months. A new record for him.

“Hey, Tony,” she greeted him, and walked over to him, slipping a set of keys out of her pocket and unlocking his handcuffs. Tony lowered his hands, rubbing his chaffed wrists in relief. It felt great to have some freedom, even if it was only for a few brief minutes a day.

And Wanda had been visiting every day. She would sit and talk to him for maybe an hour, joking and keeping his spirits up. She had told him about her brother, Pietro, and all the shit they had done together when they were kids. Unfortunately, Wanda had also told him that her brother had died a while ago, but she assured him when he asked that she was okay.

Tony told her about the team, Steve and Bucky in particular. She thought the whole Polyamory thing was interesting, and advised him to think about it. And he found that he could, now that he was going to get out.

“I brought you something,” Wanda announced, and Tony eagerly waited to see what she had gotten him. She had given him some extra bread the other day, a pint of alcohol the day before, and yesterday she had brought him a bowl of tomato soup after he had talked with Loki through the walls. Today, she pulled out a bag of jelly beans. Tony absolutely _did not_ squeal in delight, snatch the bag from her, and start stuffing them in his mouth. Nope.

“Toasted marshmallow!” he cried, gazing at the delicious jellybean reverently. Then he glanced up at Wanda, then back at the beautiful jellybean, then back at Wanda. He thrusted the tasty treat towards her. “Here, Wanda.”

“No, I couldn’t take a toasted marshmallow from you,” she objected.

“Please, do,” Tony insisted. “I love you so much, I want to share with you.” Wanda smiled in amusement, and popped the jellybean into her mouth.

“Oh, that is heavenly,” she moaned. Tony smiled, and chewed what he thought was a caramel corn. Nope. Turned out to be…

“Buttered popcorn,” he groaned, and spat the blasphemous thing out, glaring at it in disgust. “That is evil!” Once the incriminating thing had been disposed of, Tony turned to Wanda with interest. “So, hath the genius devised a plan?”

“Indeed the genius hath,” she confirmed in that delicious accent of hers. Tony gestured for her to proceed, happily munching on his jellybeans. “You’re going to kill yourself.” Tony almost choked on a very cherry, swallowing with some difficulty.

“What?” he spluttered indignantly once he could speak.

“You yourself said the only way you’re leaving is in a body bag,” she pointed out. “Of course, you’re just going to slit your wrists. Jules should be by soon; he’ll walk in, freak out at all the blood, and voila. Your ticket out of here.”

“Except for the part where I’m dead,” Tony cried. Wanda smiled patiently.

“You’re going to cut horizontally,” she told him, “deep enough that there is a considerable amount of blood but not to where you bleed out before you get to the hospital. It’s risky, for sure, but I think it’s our best option.” Tony took a deep breath, realizing that she might be right.

“But there’s a Doctor here,” he realized. He had been to the man a couple of times, when Jules was concerned that Tony might slip away overnight due to blood loss, or sheer pain. He was a nice enough man, good at his job. But he threw a considerable wrench into the plan. Wanda shook her head.

“The Doctor is away right now, so they’ll have no choice but to bring you to the hospital,” she explained in a low voice. “I have a small team assembled to escort you, which will include your friend Loki, disguised as a guard, obviously, and a few of my friends. Don’t worry, they’re on our side,” she assured him upon seeing the reluctance in his eyes. A small smile pulled up the corners of her lips. “The funny thing about torturing people into compliance is that they generally tend to hold a grudge.”

“An excellent point,” Tony agreed. “What then?” He had informed her right away that Loki had to be included in all escape plans, which she had agreed to.

“Jules will order us to kill all the Doctors who work on you and destroy any evidence of your admittance. What he doesn’t know is that we won’t be bringing you to any old hospital. We’ll be taking you to a SHIELD hospital. We’ll remove our trackers once we vacate the premises so they won’t be able to find you. Jules will be by in ten minutes. Good luck.” With that, she gently slipped a shard of broken glass into his hand.

“How can you be sure he won’t just let me die?” Tony whispered, his eyebrows furrowing at the thought. Wanda pursed her lips.

“Look, I’m not sure exactly why, but you’re important to them. They can’t afford to let you die.” Tony let out a harsh chuckle at the word _important_. Yeah, he was really feeling like they were taking extra good care of him, because he was _so_ important.

“And Jules told you this directly?”

“Nope,” she declared lightly. “I’ve only seen some snippets of their plan. It’s more of a feeling, really.”

“And we’re risking my life on a mere feeling?” Tony demanded.

“Well, you did ask me to kill you,” she pointed out. “At least you won’t have to endure any more of this. One way or the other, you’re getting out of here.” Tony considered that.

“Fair enough. Okay, now get out of here,” he commanded. “Oh, and one more thing. I need you to make sure my team doesn’t see me in the hospital, okay? I don’t want them to have to see me like this.” He gestured to his injuries, and his torn up back that was sloppily wrapped. Wanda looked like she wanted to object, but instead she pursed her lips and nodded.

“As you wish. Remember, cut deep. He has to truly believe you’re dying for this to work. But don’t actually die.” Tony snorted.

“Fine line, got it.”

With one last apprehensive look, Wanda stood and left. Tony took a deep breath, and opened his palm to glance at the shard of glass. It glinted slightly in the low light, and he squashed down any reservations he had about doing this. If he did die, then so be it. He had tried to kill himself before; the only difference was that this time, he didn’t actually want to die.

**Get ready.** With a deep breath, he raised the tip of the glass and opened his wrists.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger! Next chapter will be up as soon as it's finished :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after Tony slit his wrists? Let's find out! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got my laptop back up and running! I was so worried I had lost all of the story, and I hadn't saved it anywhere else! D:  
> No worries, though! All is better, now. Sorry for the extra long wait, but here! Hope you like it!

“Captain Rogers, you have a call from Director Fury,” JARVIS suddenly announced, causing Steve to jump slightly. “Shall I patch him through?” Steve glanced at Bucky, and realized that they were both thinking something similar. Either it was going to be very good news, or very bad news. Either way, they had to hear it.

“Go ahead,” Steve replied, voice rough from disuse. He and Bucky had been sitting in Tony’s bed together, just holding one another and trying not to focus on the pain. It was the longest amount of time they had spent together since Tony had disappeared. Before, it was just too painful of a reminder to be around Bucky, remembering what they had done.

“We found Tony,” Fury announced right off the bat. Steve shot upright, his blood roaring in his ears. “Or rather, he found us.” It was as if the weight of the world left Steve’s shoulders, leaving him dizzy with relief that his Tony, his sweetheart, was finally found.

“Where is he? Is he okay? What happened to him?” Bucky demanded in a rush, his eyes wide with worry.

“He is in the SHIELD hospital, and he’s looking pretty bad. I can explain more once you and the team get down here,” Fury told him. Steve wasted no time. He shot out of bed and raced to the closet, throwing on the first shirt he saw. Bucky was right behind him, quickly pulling on a large shirt that Tony had borrowed from Steve. _Tony_. Steve was filled with joy at the thought of seeing the engineer again.

He raced down to the living room, where the team was lounging about, each doing their own separate thing. They hadn’t done anything together in a long time, except for looking for Tony. Everything would be okay once they got him back.

“Guys,” Steve gasped out, and five pairs of eyes shifted to him, looking more alert than they had in weeks. “They found Tony!” Natasha jumped up, her green eyes suddenly wild. Clint perked up, and Bruce looked about ready to cry in relief.

“Where the hell was he?” Natasha demanded.

“I don’t know, Fury’s got him down at the hospital,” Steve answered, pulling on his jacket.

“Why? Is he okay?” Bruce asked nervously. Steve shrugged. He just wanted to make sure his baby was okay, and safe.

“Let’s go and find out.”

+

When Bucky and the others arrived at the hospital, Fury was waiting for them, with an odd look in his eye. He held up a hand to stop them as they stormed over to him, looking around for the engineer.

“Guys, hold on a second,” Fury cautioned them, and Bucky bounced impatiently on the balls of his feet. He needed to see Tony, make sure he was okay. If Fury got in his way, he was going to lose what little sanity and control he had left.

“What?” Steve snapped.

“I need you all to slow down,” Fury explained. “There are some things you need to know.”

“We _need_ to know where Tony is,” Natasha snarled, and Fury glanced over at her warily. Bucky didn’t blame him; a pissed off Natasha was not something to be trifled with.

“He’s in surgery right now,” Fury replied, and Bucky sucked in a sharp breath.

“For what?” he breathed, and Fury’s lips tightened. He gestured over to the couch, and they all reluctantly shuffled over and took a seat. Fury pulled up a chair and sat down, staring at all of them evenly.

“Tony was missing because he had been kidnapped,” Fury began, and Bucky’s stomach tightened. “For about two months he was held in a facility somewhere near here, underground. They had advanced systems that kept them from being detected. Eventually, one of the guards broke him out.”

“How bad is it?” Bruce asked quietly, his eyes closed. Fury hesitated.

“Out with it,” Bucky growled.

“He was tortured for two months,” a voice answered in a thick Russian accent. Bucky turned to see a woman standing off to the side, with long brown hair and a black dress. Her eyes were wide and blue as she met each of their gazes.

“Who the hell are you?” Clint demanded. She walked over towards them.

“My name is Wanda Maximoff,” she replied. “I am the guard who helped Tony escape ARK.” Bucky’s blood boiled, and his fists, both metal and human, clenched.

“What’s ARK?” Natasha asked, and Wanda fixed the redhead with a look.

“I’ll explain later.”

“So what you’re telling me,” Bucky said slowly, enunciating each word carefully as he stared her down, “is that you let Tony be tortured for two months before you got him out.”

“At least I got him out,” she retorted, her eyes narrowing. “Where were you, again?” Bucky snapped, and lunged toward her, his hands itching to close around her throat. Steve grabbed him and held him back.

“Hey, stop, stop!” Steve shouted. “Bucky, calm down! She’s not a threat!” Bucky shrugged him off, and sat back down angrily, his eyes still narrowed. Wanda pursed her lips, her gaze intense as she glanced over at them.

“That was out of line. I am sorry,” Wanda apologized. “I got Tony out the first chance I got. But he’s in bad shape. The torturer was sadistic and cruel. His injuries are extensive and concerning.”

“Tell me,” Bucky said stiffly. After all this time of not knowing, he needed to know. Wanda inhaled, and then crossed her arms.

“Fine. Okay, his back is awful. Tony was whipped daily within an inch of his life.” Bucky closed his eyes, hearing Steve suck in a sharp breath. “He has severe cuts and bruising all over his entire body. His left eye is swollen shut. He’s lost weight, and he got really weak. He, um…” she trailed off, and Bucky opened his eyes. She was biting her lower lip hard.

“What is it?” Bucky asked quietly. “You’ve told us this much. What could be worse than what you’ve already said?”

“I saved the worst for last,” she said quietly, a warning in her voice. “He has internal bleeding.” Bucky swallowed. “He took a few hits in the ribs, and I think a piece splintered off and punctured his lung. They’re trying to fix it in surgery right now.”

“Okay,” Steve whispered. “Go on.”

“I am unsure of what exactly the doctors plan on doing, but he has damage to his rectum,” she informed them, sounding uncomfortable. Bucky’s head jerked up, and his eyes narrowed. Rage and fear filled him simultaneously, a toxic mix that left the ex-assassin dizzy.

“What are you telling me?” Steve demanded, his blue eyes furious. She looked off to the side, and Bucky was surprised to see a tear slip down her cheek.

“Some of the other guards raped him,” she answered gruffly. Bucky’s vision went red, and before he knew what was happening, he was standing. He needed to hit something. He turned and slammed his metal fist into the wall, watching it crack and shudder beneath the force behind the blow. Some fuck had taken advantage of _his_ Tony. Had _hurt_ him.

“Fuck!” he screamed, needing to get it out of his system. “Fuck! Those sons of bitches!” He punctuated each word with a punch to the poor wall that didn’t do anything. “Fuck!” he screamed again, breathless with fury. He envisioned his metal hand closing around their throats, forcing them to the ground, cutting pieces of them off, slowly, so they’d feel what he was feeling right then…

He was breathing heavily when he turned back to the others, who were all staring at him with wide eyes. He sat back down, reigning in his emotions. He was going to save up all that anger, and then unleash it when he tracked down the bastards who did those things to the man he loved.

“Continue.” The word was curt, and thankfully, Wanda listened.

“And he slit his wrists,” she finished in a small voice.

“What?” Steve breathed, his blue eyes wide with pain and a sort of resignation. “He did?”

“He wanted to die when I approached him,” Wanda explained. “He asked me to put a bullet in his head.” They all flinched. “Instead, I told him I would get him out of there, and that we would take down ARK. He didn’t really want to die. He just wanted out, and he didn’t care how. Anyways, we made our plan to escape. It was my idea.”

“What was?” Natasha asked, her eyes suspicious.

“Him slitting his wrists,” she responded. “I don’t know why, but Tony is very important to ARK. They would never let him die. And the doctor was away, so we made our move. I gave him a shard of glass. I assembled a team of guards who were on our side to escort him to the hospital for when Jules saw his wrists. Once we exited the facility with Tony’s friend, we removed our chips and came here instead. As soon as he found out he had a chance of seeing you all again, he didn’t want to die.”

“Tony’s friend?” Natasha asked. The brunette hesitated.

“Uh, I assume you all know Loki?” Wanda said, sounding nervous. Clint stood. Bucky had heard a lot about Loki, the guy who had invaded New York and tried to enslave all of humanity. As someone who had been enslaved himself, the idea didn’t exactly appeal to Bucky. And there was the whole part where Loki had attacked the team, and thrown Tony out of a window. From where he was standing, Loki didn’t seem like the best guy, and he was certainly not someone Bucky wanted around Tony. But he also figured that he needed to hear the woman out.

“Excuse me?” Clint asked, his voice low and dangerous. Wanda grimaced.

“Loki was celled next to Tony. They struck up a friendship by tapping out messages to one another through the walls. They didn’t know who the other was. Tony found out close to the escape, and he decided to bust Loki out anyways. He’s a good man.” Wanda’s eyes grew soft.

“Loki is currently being held in a containment room in the hospital,” Fury spoke up. “He’s made no move to try and escape, and he didn’t resist when we put him in. The only thing he’s done so far is ask for updates on Tony.”

“Are you trying to tell me Loki has turned into a good guy all of a sudden?” Clint demanded, his voice shaking with rage. “He fucked around with my head!”

“That may be,” Wanda replied. “But before I made contact with Tony, Loki was all he had. Loki was the one who kept him sane. If not for him, Tony would have never made it out alive. So in a way, he saved Tony’s life. He’s wronged you in the past. But then again, I have also made mistakes. So have you all. I’m not asking you to become best friends with him. I’m asking you to give him a chance.”

There was a long pause after Wanda had finished speaking. Bucky begrudgingly decided that if Tony accepted the man, so would he. But that didn’t mean he would trust him. Never. And certainly not around Tony.

“Excuse me,” a voice said, and they all turned to see a young woman wearing a lab coat. The doctor. They all stood simultaneously, worry clear on their faces. “Are you Mr. Stark’s family?”

“Yes,” Steve answered, clearing his throat. Bucky swallowed against the sudden rush of emotions. They were his _family_. “We are. Is he okay?” The woman, Dr. Simmons, according to her nametag, let out a breathy laugh.

“’Okay’ is not the word I would use,” she replied. “But he will live.” There was a collective sigh of relief, and Bucky felt the tension bleed out of his shoulders. Tony was strong. As long as he was alive, they could get through this.

“Can we see him?” Steve asked, his eyes hopeful. Dr. Simmons hesitated, her brown eyes flicking between them.

“Hopefully, he’ll be awake soon,” she replied. “You can see him then. But for now, he needs to rest. He’s sustained a multitude of traumatic injuries, and his recovery period will be difficult.”

“Just tell us what we need to do,” Bruce said, squaring his shoulders.

“He’ll need to stay in bed, for one,” Dr. Simmons began, a small smile curving her lips. “And he’s notorious here for being a difficult patient. Do whatever you can to keep him still.”

“That’ll happen,” Natasha muttered.

“And Dr. Banner,” Dr. Simmons said, turning to Bruce. “The more he moves around, the harder it will be on his body. So I’m counting on you to keep an eye on him once he goes home, so he doesn’t have to be driven back and forth between the tower and the hospital. Is that alright?”

“Absolutely,” Bruce replied, looking pleased to have a task. Dr. Simmons sighed.

“And I’m no psychologist, but I imagine he will be different when he wakes up,” she said softly. “What he went through was unimaginable. He’ll probably need therapy, and lots of support from his friends.”

“Don’t worry there,” Bucky murmured. “We’ll help him.” She glanced over at him, and nodded.

“Thank you,” she said, gratitude clear in her voice. Dr. Simmons cleared her throat. “As far as his recovery goes, he will need to sit on soft surfaces and abstain from sexual intercourse until his rectum has healed. We stitched his wrists and gave him blood, so he should be fine so long as the stitches don’t tear. He had broken ribs that unfortunately punctured his left lung, so he will need some physical therapy to get back to normal. The pain will probably be difficult to manage, but for now we have fluids and drugs pumping through his system.” Dr. Simmons paused, surveying the desperation in all of their faces. “If you guys really want to see him…” she hesitated.

“Oh, god, please,” Bucky breathed. Dr. Simmons blinked, and then opened her mouth to speak.

“You can’t,” Wanda blurted. Bucky turned to her in surprise.

“Excuse me?” he demanded. His heart was ripping out of his chest all over again. What if Tony didn’t want to see them? What if he was still mad? What if they never really got him back?

“He asked me to not let you guys see him,” she informed the team, sounding uncomfortable. Steve was clearly heartbroken.

“Why?” he asked, his voice full of hurt.

“He doesn’t want to be seen the way he is,” she replied. “He’s worried what you will think, how you may feel knowing what happened. He’s trying to spare you all.”

“Wanda,” Bucky implored, lowering his voice and waiting until the woman looked at him to continue speaking. “We haven’t seen Tony in two months. The last memory we have of him is him screaming at us because we overstepped our boundaries and drove him away. I know he won’t be the same.” Bucky’s voice broke, and Wanda’s eyes softened. “But he’s still Tony, and we still love him. We won’t view him differently because he’s been through something terrible. I just- we _need_ to see him.”

Wanda nodded. “I’ll talk to him.”

+

Tony woke up.

That, in and of itself, was an enormous comfort. There was a moment after he had opened his wrists that he realized he could die. Never see his family again. He had nearly screamed at the thought, because after everything he needed them, but had thankfully refrained from doing so. Because in the end, it worked.

He opened his eyes, and fuzzily peered around the room. It was empty, and there were monitors all around him, beeping steadily. Somehow, it was comforting. An IV bag was administering fluids and most likely drugs into his system. The needle in his vein didn’t freak him out. Not after ARK.

A shudder wracked his body, and he managed a small groan. Immediately, the door opened. Tony was expecting a nurse, so he was shocked when a familiar person entered the room. Pepper.

“Hey,” she said, her voice uncharacteristically soft. Her eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, and she wasn’t as presentable as usual. Her ponytail was messy, and her clothes were slightly wrinkled.

“Hey, Pep,” he replied, unable to stifle a grin. God, how he had missed her. She slowly walked across the room and paused at the foot of his hospital bed. “Don’t I get a hug?” She cracked a smile.

“No. You stink,” she said, but she pulled him into a tight hug anyways. When she finally pulled away, her lips were pressed into a tight line. “What do you remember, Tony?” Tony frowned.

“Getting kidnapped. I remember that,” he quipped, and she affectionately rolled her eyes. “No memory loss here, Pep.” Pepper gave him a watery smile, and Tony realized that she looked broken. Like she had been through unbelievable pain. And once again, Tony cursed himself for leaving the tower in the first place. “Hey,” he said, gently. “It’s okay.”

Pepper broke into sobs, and sank to her knees beside the hospital bed. Tony grabbed her hands, grunting slightly at the pain, and squeezed tightly. “How are you the one comforting me right now?” Pepper cried, and Tony’s heart shattered.

“Pep, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m fine,” he assured her thickly, and she just cried harder, grasping his hands like they were a lifeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I know anything about medical shit? No! Will I let that stop me! Hells no! :D  
> As always, let me know if you find a mistake :)


	22. The End.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tasty self-reflection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kept trying to write, and I kept having writer's block. But then this happened. And I wrote 750 words, and then it felt finished. I felt like the entire story had come to a perfect end. I don't think a better ending exists.

After Pepper cried some more, and Tony offered her as much comfort as he could muster, he told the disheveled redhead to go home, shower, eat, and most importantly, sleep. She looked like she hadn’t gotten a good night’s rest in a long time. She agreed, albeit reluctantly, with a watery promise to come back soon to check on him.

Wanda, who was standing by the door, stared at him with an unreadable look in her green eyes. She shoved off of the doorway and made her way over to the chair next to his bed. She plopped down, her eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“How are you feeling?” she asked softly. Tony shrugged, and attempted to smile.

“Fine, all things considered,” he said.

“Tony,” she said, sounding serious. “They want to see you.” Tony’s pathetic attempt at a smile faded.

“I know,” he replied. “I want to see them too, it’s just…” His voice trailed off.

“You don’t want them to see you when you’re down,” she finished. Tony nodded. Wanda sighed, and leaned forward in her chair. “Tony, whether you want them to or not, they love you. And I know you put up walls and you put up a façade, but these people are your family. You’re supposed to let your guard down with your family. They’re supposed to see you at your worst. And more than that, they miss you. It must have been really hard for them all these months, not knowing where you were.” Tony flinched at that. “So get over yourself, and let them come in.”

Tony sighed, and forced himself to relax. “You’re right,” he murmured. “Okay. Okay, they can come in. Just- can you stay, too?” Wanda smiled at that.

“Of course. I’ll go get them,” she told him, and stood. Tony watched her leave the room, nervous butterflies filling his stomach. Despite his fears, he still couldn’t wait to see them. He had really missed them. It had physically hurt to be away from the people he loved, even more so than the torture.

And yes, the whole ordeal had sucked. But it had helped him realize something. Something he probably wouldn’t have realized otherwise: he needed the Avengers. He needed them like he needed oxygen. He had been focused his entire life on being alone, on staying away from people so he wouldn’t hurt them with his bullshit and his issues. But he didn’t want to be alone anymore. Not after he had learned what it felt like to be a part of a family. Not after Natasha had curled up with him for the first time, and he finally knew that she trusted him. Not after he had stumbled out of the lab at horrible o’clock in the morning and almost had a heart attack because Clint was sitting on top of the fridge, enjoying Oreos and a glass of milk. Not after he had spent an entire day in the lab with Bruce, the only person who understood his science rambling and could give it back, too. Not after he and Thor had been to Walmart and Tony had laughed harder than he ever had in his life. Not after he had snuggled in between two super soldiers who wanted him in a way that no one ever had before. Not after he had learned what it felt like to be loved, wholly and completely, by six amazing people who had _chosen_ him.

So no matter what happened, no matter what tried to break them apart, Tony was going to make sure that his family never got split up again. And he sure as hell wasn’t running anymore. And who knew, maybe Loki and Wanda would even find a spot in their crazy, perfect family. The beautiful thing was that anything could happen.

His story wasn't over yet. They still had to hunt down ARK and make them pay. They still had to have a good long talk, and Tony still had to tell them things. They still had to figure out a way to fit Loki and Wanda into their lives, because they both deserved a home. They still had to fight bad guys, and do right by the world. And Tony still had two beautiful men to love with all of his heart. So when he heard a knock at the door, Tony was ready. He was ready to return to his life, and he was ready to make it a good one.

“Come in,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? Drop a comment down below! This fic updates Saturdays. Huge thanks to my brother for proof-reading, suggestions, and support! :)


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